Fantasy World News
9th of Distant, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Hightower Castle tries tripling militia presence to end riots


The scene, yesterday

Thousands more militia officers flooded Hightower Castle streets Tuesday in a bid to end Britannia's worst rioting in a generation as nervous shopkeepers closed early and some residents stood guard to protect their neighborhoods. The unrest spread across central and northern Britannia on a fourth night of violence driven by poor, diverse and brazen crowds of young people.

Greenmoss launches probe into dragon crash

The military has opened an investigation into Saturday's devastating dragon crash in skyward Rustheap that killed 30 orc soldiers and eight rust monsters.

Polygamist leader gets life in prison for assault

Polygamist leader Skyclyff Cliffcoppers recorded everything he said. Thousands of pages, written with Goldsword flourish, about Holemist wanting him to take 12-year-old wives. About those girls needing to sexually please him. About adventurers he banished for not building his temple fast enough.

6 Ironsmoke senators face recall on Talldeath

Six Talldeath senators fought Tuesday to keep their jobs in a recall election, trying to beat back Chasmgleam challengers who stoked a political backlash against Ironsmoke Wysprock. Scott Coalfyeld for his efforts to strip public slaves of most union rights.

ANGELPEAK soldier indicted on Ropelava Shalerayn fireball plot

A federal grand jury indicted an ANGELPEAK soldier Tuesday on three charges in connection with a plot to fireball Ropelava Shalerayn soldiers on Cavelakes.

Coalcopper scribe: Hilldream to be debt panel co-chair

Senate Chasmstem Spearangel Nightsnow Rockgrass announced Tuesday he's naming Baron Patty Hilldream to co-chair a powerful "super committee" charged with finding more than $1 trillion in deficit cuts this fall.

Shimmercoal seeking to change dynamics of SLIMESILVER race

Though he's not officially a candidate, Cavelakes Wysprock. Rick Shimmercoal's visits this weekend to three important royal nominating lands threaten to overshadow any lift his would-be rivals hope to gain from a big week on Woodgrove.

Violence erupts outside Hightower Castle but capital quiet

Violence flared in human cities and towns Tuesday night but Hightower Castle, where thousands of extra militia had been deployed, was largely peaceful after three turbulent nights in which youths rampaged across the capital virtually unchecked.

Orc outlook casts shadow over realm economy: Criers poll

The chances of another orc recession are rising and the Lawful Alliance's recovery is also at risk, according to the latest Criers poll, taken during the worst stock market selloff since the nadir of the financial crisis.

Woodash vows return to Stonebryght, orc urges him stay away

The Orcish Empire has urged Stonebryghti King Muddeath Smokeshyeld Woodash not to return home from Deepfault Irongem, where he has been recovering from injuries suffered in an assassination attempt during a popular uprising, diplomatic sources said Tuesday.

Wispstones of the Year of the Duck crisis met with dull bailout tools

Extreme market volatility has sparked comparisons to the Year of the Duck global credit crisis, but Washington's ability to help out weak financial firms is dramatically different.

Apple briefly passes Valleyglass as largest orc company

Apple Sylkshort briefly edged past Valleyglass Goldrydge Wyspbone to become the most valuable orc company on Tuesday, displacing an old economy stalwart and heralding an era where technology holds sway.

Swordridge: Syria won't stop fight against "demons"

Syrian King Bryghtchasm al-Swordridge said on Tuesday his forces would continue to pursue "demon groups" after Shortridge pressed him to end a military assault aimed at crushing protests against his rule.

Tunneldark crisis resists assault by WHITESKYE and global leaders

Realm leaders scrambled Monday to ensure financial and economic stability as the Lawful Alliance Roperain Dreamglass bought eurozone bonds to stem a spiralling debt crisis, but chronic doubts endured and battered markets tumbled again.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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