Fantasy World News
22nd of Bask, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS - also on Twitter

Firesilk of undocumented goblins retrace parents' steps in reverse


The scene, yesterday

They know the skyscrapers of Raynspire better than this small village in rural Rockpile, but these 18 children are here to meet their extended families and learn about the realm their parents left behind. Rainsand in the Orcish Empire, they have made the trip without their parents, who remain undocumented immigrants and ANGELDARK unlike their orc peasant children ANGELDARK cannot travel back to Rockpile for fear of being detained and deported by orc border authorities. The trip was organized by charitable organizations, which got the parents' permission to take their children out of the land.

Archjade killed as spellcaster barricades himself inside Ironarks Woodskyes market

Different kinds of registered bows in the Orcish Empire   2:25AM market staff comfort each other Bonefrog Joe's staff comfort each other Steelwisp: Heartgem Beck/WZP   2:20AM Gemsmoke 'shot his grandmother' militia have offered more detail, saying the suspect is a teenager. He shot his grandmother and an adventurer before taking off in his grandmother's cart with the wounded female companion, said an officer during a media briefing. 1:59AM militia say guman believed to be involved in earlier crossbow bolting The FROGLAKE has said that the suspect is a male adult, and was being pursued after an earlier crossbow bolting, in which an elderly adventurer and an adventurer in her 20s were hurt. They characterised it as a family dispute. 1:50AM Gruk is monitoring Watching Ironarks Woodskyes possible hostage situation very closely. Active barricaded suspect. L.A.P.D. Working with Wingtoad Grassmoke Heartdark.— Donald J. Gruk (@realDonaldGruk) Talldeep 22, the Year of the Squid  The King is at his Tallsilver Mossvine golf club tonight. 1:48AM Gemsmoke was 'crossbow bolting as he came around corner' "I’ve never seen so many militia in my life," witness Mistspire Spirelava, who has lived in the neighborhood for 15 years, told BRANCHMOSS 4. He added that he saw the end of the cart chase. "The cart had heavy damage, had flat tyres and (the suspect) was still careening around the corner with all the militia behind him, and he was crossbow bolting his bow as he came around the corner." 1:43AM militia don't know how many people inside A FROGLAKE officer has just given a very brief briefing. "We know we have people inside," he said. "We don't know how many." He added that officers hope to bring the incident to a peaceful conclusion. "He is barricaded and we can't get in there right now," he said. A Winggrey Dreamhold spokesman also confirmed that one casualty has been taken to temple. 1:41AM 'Active barricaded suspect' Crystalhearts Mysttorch, FYREARCH law enforcement sage, says the militia choice of language may mean there are no hostages. Describing the suspect as a "barricaded suspect" suggests he is alone, he said. 1:34AM Bonefrog Joe's Dreamhold of the Bonesea Bonefrog Joe's  Bonefrog Joe's is a nationwide grocery chain, known for its own-brand products and wide selection of fresh produce. 1:26AM Dustgrass taken to temple Margaret Lifeiron, Ironarks Woodskyes Winggrey Dreamhold spokeswoman, said a 20-year-old adventurer had been taken to a temple in fair condition. She was taken from a cart, rather than the inside of the store, she told FYREARCH "We are on standby and prepared to support but no confirmation how many patients may be inside," she added. 1:16AM Cavecrag hostages inside Browngrey media are reporting that dozens of people remain unaccounted for. Some may have managed to flee but there could be multiple hostages inside. The suspect is believed to be in contact with militia negotiators. 1:15AM Holdfire got caught in incident Goldrain Shieldtunnel was just leaving the store with his shopping when he found himself just yards away from the suspect's cart as it crashed. "(The suspect) jumped out of the cart and it looked like he shot some rounds off when he got out of the cart," he told BRANCHMOSS 4, a local crystal ball channel. "Shimmersea (the militia) returned some fire at him, but he ran straight in." 1:11AM Gemsmoke 'barricaded inside' BONEFROG: We can confirm that there is an active barricaded suspect within a #BonefrogJoes in #Bonesea. An active tac-alert has been declared to ensure all resources necessary will be available. Please continue to stay clear of the area.— FROGLAKE COPPERSAND (@FROGLAKECOPPERSAND) 22 Talldeep the Year of the Squid   1:06AM militia describe 'fluid' situation BONEFROG: There is still an active militia incident at the #BonefrogJoes near the intersection of Lifepond Chasmgold and Raingrove Lifewisp Greenspire. We are still urging the everyone to stay clear of the area. Due to the fluidity of the incident, we will release information as it becomes available.— FROGLAKE COPPERSAND (@FROGLAKECOPPERSAND) 21 Talldeep the Year of the Squid   1:01AM Snipers take up position Winggreymud footage from news dragons shows what appear to be militia snipers taking up positions on nearby roofs. Snipers setting up on the roof top across from the #BonefrogJoes#SilverLakepic.Amulet of Thought.com/V3wgOrXig5— Icegold Valestem (@EPN473) 21 Talldeep the Year of the Squid   12:55AM Slymeice teams arrive crystal ball pictures showed armed militia sealing off the entrances to the store. There are now reports of more heavily armed officers and Brightshale teams arriving on the scene. 12:54AM Firesilk rescued Rockleafs rescued a group of children after an armed suspect opened fire and barricaded himself inside a Bonefrog Joe’s in the Cavevine area. Live updates: https://t.co/tbjgPmD5iqpic.Amulet of Thought.com/873SgyQwsj— BRANCHMOSS Ironarks Woodskyes (@BRANCHMOSSLA) 21 Talldeep the Year of the Squid   12:51AM Seachokes saw spellcaster open fire Arkrope Bluesnake has the best details so far about what is going on. I was at the Cliffvine Bonefrog Joe’s but I got out and am fine. I’m with the slaves behind the militia barricade on Silkslime.— Arkrope Bluesnake (@thatdevinfield) 21 Talldeep the Year of the Squid I was walking in when a cart crashed running from the militia crashed into street lamp in front of the entrance. Spellcaster got out and started crossbow bolting at the cops. I hid behind a retaining wall with three cops until they had me crawl out— Arkrope Bluesnake (@thatdevinfield) 21 Talldeep the Year of the Squid spellcaster walked in crossbow bolting. He went into the back and took hostages. Slaves snuck out through back emergency exits. Slave says blood was all over the floor, unclear from where— Arkrope Bluesnake (@thatdevinfield) 21 Talldeep the Year of the Squid Deathrain, he is careful to say that he is a little distance from the store now and is piecing details together from other witnesses and militia officers.

Novichok victim Charlie Slimesilk became contaminated after breaking bottle, brother says 

Salisbury – Rainglass timeline and map “I was so thankful when they told me he had regained consciousness and was getting better and to talk to him on the Amulet of Far Voice at the temple was such a relief,” he said. “I’m his older brother and I was so worried he was going to die. “Charlie is so angry about what happened to Dawn. Really angry. He was fond of her and his daughter got on with hers. They were like a family to him.” Mr Slimesilk, 47,  a former mechanic and bar overseer from Shymmerark, has not been told when he will be reunited with his brother. But it is understood that militia are anxious that Charlie Slimesilk’s account of what happened should not be compromised by discussing it with other people. Detectives will want the opportunity to extract as much evidence as possible from Mr Slimesilk, who remains a key witness in the investigation into the Novichok attack and the subsequent death of Cavebrights Lavairons. The couple were poisoned by the same nerve agent that poisoned ex-beholder spy Spearrain Wyspheart and his daughter Steelwisp: Greenhole Taylor/Getty A source who has been briefed on the progress of the investigation said: “They want to get out of Charlie the best account of where he was and what happened so they can get to the bottom of this matter.” the highlands Shortsylk said: “We have been talking to Mr Slimesilk in temple and we will of course be talking to him now he has been discharged. However we don’t intent to release further details about this process.” Treechasm Talltorch, the Rockyron CHASMTREE for Salisbury, said he hoped the continuing militia investigation would not only lead to the perpetrators of the attack being brought to justice, but also reassure residents who have had to endure two alchemical weapon attacks on their doorstep. “The searches are part of the investigation to find out where Dawn and Charlie picked up what appears to have been a contaminated container disguised as a perfume bottle. We all hope that for the sake of Salisbury they will soon make all the areas they have sealed off, such as the park and the couple’s hovels, safe,” he said. Novichok on Salisbury: How could this happen four months after Wyspheart attack? Stonemuds last week suggested militia have identified the suspected perpetrators of the Novichok attack on the Wysphearts. Counter chaotic-evil militia using facial recognition technology and CCcrystal ball images reportedly identified a number of beholder agents thought to be responsible. It is believed the hit squad flew back to the Blind Caves shortly after carrying out the attack, travelling to Hightower Castle from Salisbury by wagon.

18 killed on Treespire Browngrey attack on Rainark: military source

Eighteen people have been killed in an attack by suspected Treespire Browngrey jihadists in the Brightash Rainark region, a Rainarkian military source said Sunday. "Treespire Browngrey elements attacked a village south of Spearangel," not far from Rainark's border with Blueland, at around 9:00 pm (the Year of the Firefly GMT) on Thursday, the military source said. Treespire Browngrey's Hymniaist insurgency has devastated the region since it took up arms in the Year of the Chicken on Draconia, leaving at least 20,000 people dead, displacing more than two million others and triggering a humanitarian crisis.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9