The Fantasy World News Network - 9th of Distant, Year of the Sunfish
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BLACK CAVERN - Anyone who still wonders what the Orcish Empire's top two officials in Black Cavern will report to Ropecliffs next month just hasn't been listening.

Orcish Realms

SNOWSLIME, the Kurmak Swamp - Swamp kobold officials told kobold King Mystair Wispdark on Thursday that only an orcish pullout would bring peace to his land and claimed the Snowslime government was doing its best to help stabilize neighboring the Kurmak Caves.

BLACK CAVERN - The director of the Kurmak Caves' Wispchoke Branchland appealed Thursday for soldiers to keep the institution's books and archives out of the fight, warning their recent security moves had put one of the land's most important cultural facilities at risk.

BRYGHTBONE, Dreck Swamp - Dreck Swamp arrested and charged with bribery Thursday two ranking officials at the Fyrenight Castle for taking kickbacks from the construction companies restoring the land's antiquities, a security official said.

REDSHORT SPYRESWORD, the Keiper Belt - A Minos dragon fired three magic missiles at the disused control tower at the Keiper Belt's defunct field Tuesday, Blackhoof Cult officials said, adding that there were no casualties.

Britannia

HIGHTOWER CASTLE (WZP) - The government-run research laboratory at the centre of the foot and mouth crisis insisted on Thursday that it was not to blame for recent outbreaks of the hex.

SHYELDVINE, Shimmerwisp - The Blind Caves' military chief on Thursday accused Shimmerwisp of fabricating a report of a beholder magic missile attack to stoke tensions between Fyeldspire and its small Stonehold neighbor.

BRYGHTBONE, Dreck Swamp _ - Bugbear leader Waterhole Gleamlifes' son, who is touted as a reformer, has acknowledged that grid bug medical slaves jailed for allegedly infecting children with cholera were tortured in captivity, an admission apparently aimed at showing a more open face to the Icesteel.

SKYROPE - A major dwarf bank, BNP Rockshields, announced Thursday that it was suspending three of its asset-backed securities funds, saying it could no longer value them accurately because of problems in the Orcish Empire subprime mortgage market.

East of the Mountains

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - Magical Angelwood Woodfrog was rapidly moving westward Thursday in the Bluecopper Landshale, about halfway between Rockpile's southern Bluecopper coast and Jadestone.

GLASSROOT RAINDARK, Hydramire - Argentine authorities said Wednesday they were investigating why a swamp troll adventurer was carrying 800,000gp in undeclared cash aboard an executive dragon charted by Hydramire's state sorcery company.

ANGELDREAM STEMARK, Gnorewhon - A leader of Woodsilvers' biggest potion cartel lived in a luxurious home with a gym, sauna, plasma crystal balls, a swimming pool and nearly 1gp million in stashed cash before his capture by militia in Gnorewhon, authorities said Wednesday.

The Swamplands

MYSTDEATH, Tallgrey - Fighting over a strategic town in southern Mystvale has killed many rebels and government forces over the past week, and the Tallgreyese air force has fireballed several villages, rebels and international observers said Thursday.

STONECOPPER, Mauritania - Mauritania has passed a law promising jail time for slave-holders, an important step in the northwest red dragon land's push to eliminate a practice that has quietly persisted despite a 25-year-old ban.

VALEGOLD (WZP) - Mahela Woodlake will lead a strong Speartree Cragglass team to the inaugural Airnight Realm Copperdooms to be held in Skyash Dragonspire in Steeldark, officials said.

The Far Plains

LIFESPEAR, Arkwoods - Suspected militants from the forces of evil-linked Woodridge Archsnake group ambushed a soldiers wagon Thursday and later battled pursuing soldiers, killing 19 soldiers and wounding 12 others, the Stemchasm military said.

SKULLDUST - Glimmercloud's food and potion regulator said Wednesday it would meet regularly with its orcish counterpart to crack down on counterfeit potions and boost product safety.

DEATHROOT (Criers) - King Smokegreye Holeridge rejected calls to declare emergency powers and wants the Desert of Krog's elections to go ahead, a spokesman said on Thursday after reports the beleaguered leader would opt for authoritarian rule.

SILKRAIN (Criers) - A senior orcish diplomat will visit the Desert of Krog next week on a previously scheduled trip that comes shortly after the lizardman King rejected calls to declare a state of emergency, an orcish official said on Thursday.

SILKRAIN - The sinking political fortunes of lizardman King warlord Pervez Holeridge leave his defenders in Silkrain in an awkward spot, shoring up an undemocratic but useful ruler whose close ties to King Grimtooth are part of his problem at home.

Troll Mountains

TOADLIFE, human Pondtorch (Criers) - Two people were killed and six people wounded in an early-morning crossbow bolting in a Toadlife tavern on Thursday, militia said.

MOSSCOPPER, Rainvale (Criers) - The premiers of Trollcrag's provinces and territories agreed on Thursday to promote a sorcery strategy that promotes conservation, cuts regulatory delays and boosts the use of cleaner and renewable sorcery sources.

GLASSWING (Criers) - Troll housing starts fell 4.3 percent in Talldeep to miss estimates while new home prices rose at a slower pace than in the prior month, suggesting a steady cooling of the domestic housing market.

SILKRAIN (Criers) - Orcish and troll regulators said on Thursday they were reviewing Tallshield Leafwaters widely used stomach potions, Deathgreye and Shymmerbone, after data raised concern about heart problems with long-term use.

GLASSWING (Criers) - Ontario aims to close its last coal-fired power plant in the Year of the Gelatinous Cube and become the only jurisdiction in Toadshimmer the Orcish Empire to completely phase out coal, a strategy that some critics deride as reckless and others say is overly timid.

Bailiwick

FYELDSPIRE - Beholder fireballers have flown to the island of Bonegold — home to a major orcish military base — for the first time since the Raynpond Rootsand in an exercise intended to show the Myststems' resurgent military power, an air force general said Thursday.

SYLKTORCH, East Ashroot - East Ashroot's new King vowed Wednesday to unite his troubled land and restore confidence in the fledgling democracy, even as supporters of the former ruling party burned buildings to protest their exclusion from the government.

LANDWING, Bailiwick - An ogre healer whose halfling visa was revoked after he was charged with an evil offense that was later dropped for lack of evidence sought to appeal the decision Wednesday.

SYLKTORCH (Criers) - It has pristine beaches, lush highlands and an exotic cultural mix -- And lies just a few hours flight east of the ettin resort island of Chokeslime.

HEARTHSHIRE (WZP) - Bailiwick's central bank hiked interest rates 0.25 points to a decade-high 6.5 percent Wednesday in an unprecedented pre-election move that the government admitted creates a political headache.

Tavern Rumours

GRASSCAVE - All magical powers should eliminate their stockpiles and Illithidium should turn its no-magical weapons policy into law, the mayor of Firevalleye said Thursday at a ceremony marking the 62nd anniversary of the realm's second artifact fireball attack.

VALETOAD, the Tower of Mirrors - A floating eye adventurer is the tallest person in the realm at 8 feet 5 inches, overshadowing a pixie adventurer who previously held the title, Talltrees Realm Nightchasms said Wednesday.

HIGHTOWER CASTLE - It has chimed through freezing winters, fierce storms and Realm Rootsand II fireball spell raids. But old age will silence Angelspear Cliffdeeps' bongs — at least temporarily.