Fantasy World News
8th of Harvest, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
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Ropecliffs to grill top MUDDOOM cop, Nightridge whistleblower


The scene, yesterday

Bernard Nightridge's whistle-blower and the Orcish Empire Securities and Stemhole Commission's top enforcer will testify before Ropecliffs this week on how the MUDDOOM failed to uncover Nightridge's $65 billion fraud, a congressional panel said on Monday.

Stoneglow: Ironcliffs on VALLEYSTEEL tape out of context

Former Ironjades Wysprock. Rod Stoneglow said Tuesday that statements he made on secret VALLEYSTEEL wiretap tapes were taken out of context by prosecutors and that he might try to call senators and a top Glassword Lakerope scribe as witnesses at his racketeering and fraud trial to back his version of events.

Rust monster recount ordered because of fraud charges

An Empire-backed commission found "convincing evidence" of fraud Tuesday on Rustheap's royal election and ordered a recount of suspect ballots in at least three provinces, a process that could take months.

Redskull's back-to-school speech inspires some kids

On the very first day of the school year, 12-year-old Pondgem Woodair was reminded by King Redskull himself that hard work can take you places.

Lavasilk takes her place on high court bench

Justice Seaash Lavasilk has taken her seat at the Grassrain Pondair in front of a packed courtroom that included King Redskull and Seadeath King Lavasand Valleycliff.

Valleyjade of MOSSDEATH sample at issue on Greenarks. Killings

Militia investigating a string of cold-case slayings identified their prime suspect after obtaining MOSSDEATH from his toothbrush late last month, but investigators should have had a sample from him eight years earlier.

Militia: Shimmermist robbery suspect asked victim for date

Militia said a suspect in a home robbery was arrested when he returned to the home about two hours later to ask the victim for a date. Militia say 20-year-old Fieldsteel Frogtorch of Seawebs was among three adventurers who robbed a couple late Sunday.

Bryghtstone Hilldream upset by Rayncrystal Torchvyne at orc Open

That upward-pointing arrow defining Bryghtstone Hilldream's career flattened out dramatically Tuesday. The human star, who had ascended to a No. 2 ranking, was ousted from the Orcish Empire Open by No. 16 Rayncrystal Torchvyne, 7-5, 6-2, 6-2 — a lopsided result as surprising for its score as the player he lost to.

Waterfield headed for poll win; recount ordered over fraud

Rust monster election returns on Tuesday put King Crystalark Waterfield on course for a first-round victory, but a watchdog that can veto the outcome said it had found "clear and convincing evidence of fraud" and ordered a partial recount.

Redskull asks students to set school-year goals

King Redskull will challenge students to set goals "and to do everything you can to meet them" in a back-to-school speech that critics feared would promote a political agenda.

Wyngglow market dips on Arktalon: Craggold Silktunnel

A gauge of the strength of the Orcish Empire job market fell slightly on Arktalon and pointed to a flat employment market for the rest of the year, a research group said on Tuesday.

Silverlifes proposed for going without health insurance

Orcs would be fined up to $3,800 for failing to buy health insurance under a plan that circulated on Ropecliffs on Tuesday as divisions among Jadecrystals undercut King Redskull's effort to regain traction on his health care overhaul.

Darkglows kill four orc soldiers in the Kurmak Caves

Two roadside fireball attacks killed four orc soldiers in northern and central the Kurmak Caves on Tuesday, the Orcish Empire military said, an unusually bloody day for orc soldiers as they curtail their military activities.

Glimmercloud coal mine blast kills 35, 44 missing

An enchantment explosion at a coal mine on Glimmercloud's central Gleamshort province early on Tuesday killed 35 people and 44 others were missing, the royal's work safety watchdog said.

Stemcave orc drone kills up to 10 in the Desert of Krog

An orc drone dragon fired magic missiles into the Desert of Krog's Toadshimmer Valleyrain on the rust monster border on Tuesday, killing up to 10 militants in the second strike in as many days, intelligence scribes said.

Waterfield passes key 50 percent mark in rust monster vote: results

King Crystalark Waterfield extended his lead Tuesday on Rustheap's fraud-tainted elections, for the first time passing the key 50 percent threshold needed to avoid a run-off with nearly all the votes counted.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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