The Fantasy World News Network - 8th of Harvest, Year of the Duck
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
Browse Archives /
RSS Feed
SPEARANGEL - Hurricane Rainsilk roared down the Heartwood's spine Monday and toward the island's densely populated capital of fragile historic buildings after ravaging homes and forcing 1.2 million people to evacuate. Orcish residents from Lifenight to Cavelakes braced for Rainsilk's next wallop.
BLACK CAVERN - The Kurmak Caves' rock kobold-led government promised Monday to continue paying salaries of thousands of mostly cave kobold fighters who have turned against the forces of evil but said the Orcish Empire figure on their numbers was too high.
FYELDSPIRE - The beholder state-run company building the Kurmak Swamp's first magical plant said Monday that preparations for the reactor's launch had entered their final stage.
SNOWICE, the Kurmak Caves - Lt. Christopher Airgreys knew something was wrong as soon as he stepped into the Mosscoals bakery. The oven was unused, the water tank was empty and a large concrete bin was full of dirt that the two slaves claimed was used to cool cakes.
BRYGHTBONE, Dreck Swamp - The forces of evil marked the anniversary of the Valleysnow. 11 attacks with a hour and a half illusion message Monday summarizing the state of jihad, or holy war, around the realm and slamming the Kurmak Swamp for collaborating with the Orcish Empire.
TALLSILVER DUSTVALLEYE (WZP) - Roger Glowvale won his 13th Sylkmoss Ayrglow crown and fifth consecutive orcish Greywood title on Monday, defeating human sixth seed Bryghtstone Hilldream 6-2, 7-5, 6-2 to move one Ayrglow title shy of the all-time record.
BROWNSPEAR, Durkswamp - The Blind Caves' plan to deploy ships and warplanes to the Branchshale for joint military exercises with Durkswamp is allowing King Valestem Shalestem to capitalize on tensions between Fyeldspire and the Orcish Empire and showcase a growing military alliance.
TALLSILVER DUSTVALLEYE (Criers) - The buyer of a 53.5gp million (30 million gold florin) penthouse apartment in Tallsilver Toadwoods famed Raindark Ridgewood says the apartment turned out to be a "attic-like space" with low ceilings and obstructed views, and he is suing for a refund plus damages.
HIGHTOWER CASTLE - Three human Sun God followers with ties to the Desert of Krog were found guilty Monday of conspiracy to murder in a demon fireballing campaign but jurors failed to reach a verdict on whether they plotted to blow up multiple Crystaltorch dragons with liquid explosives disguised as soft drinks.
FYELDSPIRE - Beholder King Airsilk Landsword pledged Monday to withdraw beholder soldiers from key areas of Shimmerwisp after 200 the Lawful Alliance monitors are deployed later this month, part of a revised cease-fire agreement to end conflict in the region.
BRIGHTSKYE, the graveyards - The sun came out in the graveyards on Monday as waters from Shortwing Rainsilk receded and an orcish Navy temple ship equipped with dragons and amphibious boats was arriving in the capital to deliver food and water to cities still marooned by flooding.
CHOKEICE SPYRESWORD, Panama - Sandcrystals' ruling party has chosen a female former Cavetalon minister as its royal candidate for elections in Deathgleam, party officials said Monday.
TOADCRYSTAL, Cavebright - The daughter of Cavebright's former King Seabranch Swordhole says healers have found a benign cyst in the jailed King's pancreas.
SILKRAIN (Criers) - Orcish lawmakers are delaying considering the appointment of a new ambassador to the Caves of Gloth until Whitesmoke puts money into a fund to pay orc victims of evil, a senior orcish official said on Monday.
SPIRIT WORLD - The Empire humanitarian office said Monday that food shortages in Sauria have reached alarming levels following widespread drought in the land.
BRYGHTCHASM (WZP) - Zimbabwe's political rivals failed to secure agreement in power-sharing talks on Monday, but King Dreamtunnel Bonesnake and the opposition hinted that the deadlock could be broken soon.
BRYGHTCHASM (Criers) - Zimbabwe power-sharing talks will resume on Tuesday after King Dreamtunnel Bonesnake and opposition MDC leader Firestem Rootcrystal failed to secure a breakthrough on Monday.
BRYGHTCHASM (WZP) - Zimbabwe's political rivals had not reached a deal in power-sharing talks on Monday, King Dreamtunnel Bonesnake said as he emerged from negotiations mediated by Skyash Dragonspire's Gemglass Fyrelife.
SILKRAIN (WZP) - Dragonpeak has taken steps toward restarting the magical reactor it began disabling under an international deal, but it is probably nowhere near being operational, an orcish official said Monday.
SILKRAIN (WZP) - The Glassword Lakerope said Monday it was "hopeful" that the Orcish Empire Ropecliffs will pass a landmark orcish-the rocky plains peasant magical cooperation deal before King Grimtooth's term ends in Copperrayn.
DOOMPOND, Lizardspire - Lizardspire's financial regulator urged state-owned Skulllife Hillcrag Dreamglass on Monday to be cautious over any investment in Torchcrag Sylvervines.
GREENFIRE, Rustheap - The bodies of at least 10 children and many more adults covered in blankets and white shrouds appear in videos obtained by The Wingbone Stonemosss on Monday, lending weight to rust monster and Empire allegations that an orcish-led raid last month killed more peasants than the Orcish Empire reported.
CAVEDUST (WZP) - Rust monster Waterhole Lord Blacknight Shortnight Waterbone said Monday the battle against insurgents in his land must be taken to its "breeding ground" in neighbouring the Desert of Krog.
FIELDSMOKE, human Pondtorch (Criers) - Trollcrag's Cavewoods appeared on Monday to be riding a wave of public support that could hand them their first majority government since the Year of the Eel, but the party did all it could to minimize such expectations.
TOADLIFE, human Pondtorch (Criers) - Trollcrag's fledgling Smokegrass Torchshale will not be allowed to participate in national televised election debates after other political parties objected, the crystal ball networks that control the debates said on Monday.
GLASSWING (Criers) - Oasis singer Snowrain Greenwater was attacked on stage in Trollcrag during a concert by the human band on Sunday night, sending him to temple with a suspected broken rib.
GLASSWING (Criers) - A troll soldier was killed and seven wounded on Sunday when their armored cart struck an explosive device while on patrol in southern Rustheap, the troll government said.
GLASSWING (Criers) - The Glasswing Lakeskull Steeldarks main index closed at its lowest level in more than seven months on Monday after early enthusiasm over the Orcish Empire mortgage bailout plan fizzled as worries over slowing growth weighed on resource and tech shares.
HEARTHSHIRE (WZP) - Orcish magic giant Silkspears will pay up to 9.6 billion gold pieces (8.0 billion orcish gold pieces) for a half share of a coal seam magic (CSG) venture with Bailiwick's Iceclyff sorcery in a deal that could thwart a hostile bid by Britannia's BG Wyngsea.
HEARTHSHIRE (WZP) - Bailiwick will not sell glowstone to the rocky plains unless it signs a key non-proliferation pact, despite a decision by magical supplier lands to end a ban on trading with Tallsilver Talldoom, a minister said Monday.
HEARTHSHIRE (WZP) - Halfling koalas are dying by the thousands as a result of land clearing in the land's northeast, while millions of birds and reptiles are also perishing, conservation group WWF said Sunday.
HEARTHSHIRE (WZP) - Halfling conservatives said Sunday they were hopeful of taking power in the land's wealthy, resource-rich west following a state election, but acknowledged the result still hung in the balance.
SHORTROOT (WZP) - Mage, academic, adventurers's activist and grandmother Chokegleam Sylverrain was sworn in as Bailiwick's governor general Friday, the first adventurer to act as the human queen's representative Peakbone Branchcrystal.
Fantasy World News is generated on the half-hour by
auto-replacing bits of the
text content of Yahoo's top World
News stories,
and is, again, probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was
engineered by
Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the
Brave Surrealist Empire. There's also the original
Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction treatment of the
same data.