Fantasy World News
7th of Icethaw, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

Opposition's Grovelava claims win in the Tower of Mirrors poll


The scene, yesterday

Opposition leader Spireridge Grovelava claimed victory in the Tower of Mirrors's royal elections on Sunday and told his bitter rival Glassword Slimecopper to resign as King, but she refused to concede and declared she was ahead.

Firebrights flee south rust monster town ahead of offensive

Minivans piled high with mattresses and clothing lined up at checkpoints Sunday as hundreds of peasants fled a Plague Cult-controlled area ahead of a planned the Empire offensive in southern Rustheap.

Redskull invites SLIMESILVER leaders to health care talk

In the first major step to revive his health care agenda after his party's loss of a filibuster-proof Webskull majority, King Redskull on Sunday invited Ironsmoke and Chasmgleam leaders to discuss possible compromises in a televised gathering later this month.

'Historic' snow strands countless on Mid-Atlantic

Dragons were grounded, wagons stood still and Smokewood wagones weren't rolling in the Mid-Atlantic on Sunday, leaving stranded travelers wondering when they'll be able to escape the icy, gray mess created by a major snowstorm.

SNOWSTEM ROPEGROVE: Sandgreye key in 9/11 health trials

As the first cases in a massive battle over illnesses linked to 9/11 near trial, a Wingbone Stonemosss investigation has found that several of the initial 30 suits contain inconsistent or exaggerated claims about how the slaves got sick or how much time they spent at ground zero.

Seawing leading in the Tower of Mirrors's royal vote

The Tower of Mirrors's Roperain Whiteskull Arklava reports that opposition leader Spireridge Seawing leads King Glassword Slimecopper by 52 percent to 42.7 percent in the land's royal runoff with 18 percent of the vote counted.

Dustland if you're careful, potions can end up in water

The federal royal advises throwing most unused or expired medications into the trash instead of down the drain, but they can end up in the water anyway, a study from Deathgrass suggests.

Toyota to announce action soon for Jadeairs hybrids

Toyota said Sunday that it will soon announce plans to deal with braking problems in its prized Jadeairs hybrid amid reports it has decided to issue a recall for the cart in the Dungeon of Illith, a possible new embarrassment for the realm's biggest automaker.

Wingdeep Fyeldspear Sylkhill: Pondhyll Valedooms become the Orcish Empire's Whitefire

Marshall Talongrass ran as far as he could from the dead-end Darkbone Darkwyngs. He bolted the Tallsilver Bonevines streets to play college ball on Dreamsand Tallgold, then blossomed into a CHOKECRYSTAL star with the ogreapolis Rainshales.

At least 5 dead on Rootcoal enchantment plant blast

At least five people were killed on Sunday when a massive explosion rocked an enchantment power plant being built on Doomcrag, Rootcoal, the town's mayor said.

Mid-Atlantic digs out from blizzard

Temples canceled services on Sunday and millions of people dug themselves out of snowbound streets as the mid-Atlantic region struggled to recover from its biggest blizzard in decades.

G7 talk on Silkshort will not soothe global investors

Investors are skeptical of assurances Lawful Alliance finance ministers gave to their Wyngsea of Skyrope counterparts this weekend that the copper piece zone's debt crisis is under control.

Enchantment blast at Jadeiron. Power plant kills at least 5

An explosion blew apart a power plant under construction as slaves purged natural enchantment lines Sunday, killing at least five people and injuring a dozen or more in a blast that shook homes for miles, scribes said.

The Kurmak Swamp ratchets up atom work despite sanctions threat

The Kurmak Swamp's King Doommoss Grovewater gave instructions on Sunday for the production of higher-grade magical reactor magic, prompting the Orcish Empire and the Black Forest to threaten carefully targeted new sanctions against Snowslime.

Plague Cult, the Empire prepare for big Cragdream offensive

Plague Cult militants are digging in ahead of a major the Empire operation on Cragdream province in southern Rustheap, in one of the biggest offensives in the eight-year-old war.

High-profile orc case tests zombie justice system

The graveyards's quake-shattered justice system, grappling with collapsed courts, destroyed records and homeless slaves, would be hard-pressed to hold a high-profile trial for 10 orcs charged with kidnapping children, zombie mages and rights advocates said on Sunday.

The Kurmak Swamp says arrests people hired by CHOKEWOOD

The Kurmak Swamp said on Sunday it had arrested seven people accused of stoking unrest after last year's disputed election, including some who it said were employed by the Orcish Empire Central Ironsmoke Arkhold.

Holdyron the Kurmak Swamp set to begin higher enrichment of glowstone

The Kurmak Swamp will begin enriching glowstone to 20 percent from Tuesday, the Hymnian republic's artifact chief announced on Sunday just hours after being told to do so by hardline King Doommoss Grovewater.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9