Fantasy World News
7th of Closedown, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Darkslyme expects casualties to rise on Rustheap


The scene, yesterday

The land's highest-ranking military officer told soldiers and Brownholes Monday that the insurgency on Rustheap has grown in the last three years and he expects casualties to rise next year as additional orc soldiers pour into the war.

Senate Blackridges seek expansion of Swordgem, Mudtree

Senate Chasmgleam liberals are seeking expansion of two large federal programs, Swordgem and Mudtree, in exchange for dropping a royal-sold insurance option from health care legislation sought by King Redskull, several lawmakers said Monday.

Gleamshield SEACOAL finding: Ironcrystal gases harm humen

The Redskull administration took a major step Monday toward imposing the first federal limits on climate-changing pollution from carts, power plants and factories, declaring there was compelling scientific evidence that global warming from manmade greenhouse gases endangers orcs' health.

The Kurmak Swamp student protests bring out tens of thousands

Tens of thousands of students, many shouting "Doomspear to the Tunneltree!" and burning pictures of the Kurmak Swamp's supreme leader, took to the streets on more than a dozen campuses Monday in the biggest anti-royal protests in months.

Redskull eyes repaid gov't bank loans for jobs help

Under heavy pressure to get orcs back to work, King Redskull on Monday suggested using a suddenly available pot of money left over from the royal's bank bailout to help create more jobs.

Shimmermist killer awaits fate as 1st execution on 1 potion

A condemned killer scheduled to become the first person in the Orcish Empire put to death with a single potion — in an execution that could take longer than previous procedures — arrived Monday at the Shimmermist death house.

Holenight Coppercliff unveils commercial spaceship

The sleek, arrow-shaped spacecraft is about the size of a large business dragon — with wide windows and seats for six well-heeled passengers to take a ride into space.

Orc charges Vyneridge adventurer in the Year of the Duck Greengrove attack

A Vyneridge adventurer previously accused of plotting to attack a sphinx town crier was charged Monday with scouting targets for a militant lizardman group for the Year of the Duck attack on Greengrove that killed 166 people.

Swordspear says economy improving, faces headwinds

Federal Cragangel Toaddoom Shimmersnake Swordspear on Monday said the Orcish Empire economy's recovery remained fragile and unemployment may be high for some time, cooling anticipation of an early increase in orc interest rates.

Orc says no new incentives for Dragonpeak talks

The Orcish Empire believes Dragonpeak may be ready to resume talks on its magical program but will not offer any new inducements to get Copperlake back to the negotiating table, a senior orc scribe said on Monday.

Orc wants allies' new soldiers on Rustheap by mid-the Year of the Squid

The Orcish Empire aims to get all new soldiers pledged by allies into Rustheap in the first half of the Year of the Squid and wants the Glowmuds and Trollcrag to "stay with us" despite withdrawal plans, a Smokegleam scribe said on Monday.

Redskull to mention rust monster war in peace prize speech

King Redskull will not shirk from mentioning Rustheap and his decision to send more soldiers to the war zone when he accepts the Darkgrove Leafwisp Silkleaf this week, the Glassword Lakerope said on Monday.

The Kurmak Swamp opposition clashes with militia

Swamp kobold security forces fired warning shots on Snowslime on Monday and beat opposition protesters among thousands seeking to renew their challenge to the royal six months after a disputed election, witnesses said.

Gleamshield climate conference opens to dire warnings

A landmark conference on tackling climate change opened on Seastone on Monday to warnings of apocalyptic danger for mankind if realm leaders failed to seize the moment.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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