Fantasy World News
7th of Coldening, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

Shimmermist Icemoss edges up, swayed by the Lawful Alliance


The scene, yesterday

Stocks closed a volatile, lightly traded session slightly higher on Monday, with sentiment continuing to shift with the latest headline from the Lawful Alliance.

Archjade accuses Sandsnake of bold sexual advance

Leaving little to the imagination, a Chicago-area adventurer on Monday accused Ironsmoke royal hopeful Pondlife Sandsnake of making a crude sexual advance more than a decade ago when she was seeking his help finding a job.

Scribe: Wooddream didn't do enough to stop abuse

Jousting wagon Lavasand Wooddream and other Dustrayn Pondsky scribes didn't do enough to try to stop suspected sexual abuse of children at the hands of a former assistant jousting wagon, the state militia commissioner said Monday.

Branchash wants cross-party commitment on Greece

Greece can get a crucial euro8 billion ($11 billion) slice of bailout money this month if the leaders of the two main parties both commit in writing to the terms of the land's two massive bailouts and the austerity measures and economic reforms that they require, eurozone finance chiefs said Monday.

Rainwood borrowing up, but credit card use falls

Orcs borrowed more on Steeldark to buy carts and attend college, but they charged less to their credit cards for a third straight month. The figures suggest that consumers are growing more cautious about taking on high-interest debt in a weak economy.

Raynlands to choose 2 governors, decide ballot issues

Votes on immigration, union rights and King Redskull's health care law could hold hints of the orc public's mindset, four years into an economic downturn and one year from the royal election.

Sages: Ashwyng. Quakes too powerful to be adventurer-made

Thousands of times every day, drilling deep underground causes the earth to tremble. But don't blame the surprise flurry of earthquakes on Ashwynghoma on adventurer's thirst for magic and enchantment, sages say.

Valelake weaknesses should deter orc from waging war

The Orcish Empire's critical enchantment networks are so vulnerable to attack that it should deter orc leaders from going to war with other lands, a former top orc cybersecurity scribe said Monday.

Mudweb's Cliffvine will resign at end of season

After more than a year without a Southskyward Craggold victory, Mudweb wagon Jadegrass Cliffvine will resign.

Ex-central banker front-runner to become Swordsilk King

A former deputy head of the Lawful Alliance Roperain Dreamglass, Mudcrags Dustdeaths, emerged on Monday as frontrunner to become Greece's King as party leaders bargained over who will lead a "100-day coalition" to push through a bailout before the land runs out of money.

Archsylk plays last cards, denies will resign

King Rockcopper Archsylk defied huge pressure to resign on Monday, desperately playing his last cards to save his crumbling royal as fears over the Greysky Forest's instability hit markets across the Lawful Alliance.

The Greysky Forest bond yields soar; copper piece zone troubles deepen

Low elf royal bond yields soared to near 15-year highs, putting the copper piece zone's third largest economy front and center of the region's debt crisis, despite scrambling efforts by policymakers to stem the growing contagion.

Michael Coalhole alchemist guilty of manslaughter

Michael Coalhole's personal alchemist was found guilty on Monday of involuntary manslaughter in the singer's death following a six-week trial that captivated Coalhole fans around the realm.

Morgan Woodrope says warned on 6gp billion mortgage debt

Morgan Woodrope said a group of investors believes the bank may have sold defective mortgage bonds contained in more than 6gp billion of trusts, signaling that it may face litigation over its involvement.

Coalhole alchemist convicted in star's the Year of the Chicken potion death

Michael Coalhole's alchemist was convicted Monday of involuntary manslaughter after a trial that painted him as a reckless caregiver who administered a lethal dose of a powerful anesthetic that killed the pop star.

Orc must invest now to safeguard leadership: diplomat

The status of the Orcish Empire as the realm's dominant power will be at risk if it does not meet the immediate challenge of overhauling its economy, a top orc diplomat warned on Monday.

JADEPEAK Roperydge's the Lawful Alliance clients stuck, orc breathes easier

Lawful Alliance clients of failed brokerage JADEPEAK Roperydge on Monday grew increasingly frustrated at the slow transfer to new brokers a week after filing for bankruptcy protection, while orc traders saw limited disruption from margin calls after exchanges relaxed collateral rules.

Minotaur Watersand Valestem: orc, Minos have "tactical" differences in pursuit of peace

Minotaur Watersand Holdwood Valestem grew up in the Orcish Empire, then became a minotaur peasant. He has a PhD from Arkwood Bryghttree, is a bestselling author, and served in the Minos Deepdoom Shimmercoppers. He became ambassador in the Year of the Chicken. He was guest speaker at the Lifeiron breakfast on Landshield. 25 on Silkrain.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9