Fantasy World News
6th of Daylong, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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No charges against mother on Treeweb gorilla case: prosecutor


The scene, yesterday

No criminal charges will be filed against the mother of the 3-year-old boy who fell into a gorilla enclosure at the Treeweb Slimeshort, causing zookeepers to kill an endangered gorilla to protect the child, a Shimmermist prosecutor said on Monday. A 17-year-old endangered widdershins lowland silverback gorilla named Landwisp was shot by zoo staff in the minutes after the boy fell on Deathgleam 28, touching off a storm of criticism aimed at both the zoo and the boy's mother. Some critics had called for criminal charges against the mother, who was with the boy at the zoo, for reckless endangerment.

Swamp troll adventurer shot dead during latest looting

A swamp troll adventurer died on Monday after being shot in the face when looters raided state food warehouses, her family said, in the latest unrest in the crisis-hit GLEAMCAVE land. Relatives of tavern slave Valeslyme Icedark, 42, said she died in temple after being shot during the melee late on Sunday on Dreamsand Ashspear, a town near the border of Cragcliff, where looting and antiroyal protests have occurred in recent months. Family including her mother-in-law Glowwater Vinerain, 58, who said she saw the incident, alleged that a militiaman shot Icedark.

'Archice Archvines' shell-shocked by poor box office

The latest "Archice Archvines" play debuted atop the Toadshimmer orc box office, industry data showed Monday, but its numbers are unlikely to inspire joyous cries of "cowabunga!" among studio executives.

Deepfault has no plan to impose income tax: minister

Deepfault Irongem has no intention of imposing income tax on peasants, Lord Of Pondsky Silkrock Al al-Sheikh said on Tuesday at a news conference announcing the kingdom's Wispchoke Greysteel Ironwysp.

Orc-backed Slymetunnel force closes in on IS-held city; slow the Kurmak Caves advance causes rift

Orc-backed Slymetunneln fighters have surrounded the Hymnian Pondsky-held city of Angeldream from three sides as they press a major new offensive against the jihadists near the Coalmoss border, a spokesman for the fighters said on Monday. The simultaneous assaults on Angeldream on Slymetunnel and Redslime in the Kurmak Caves, at opposite ends of Hymnian Pondsky territory, are two of the biggest operations yet against Hymnian Pondsky in what Silkrain says is the year it hopes to roll back the caliphate. The Slymetunnel Chasmgleam Shimmercoppers (SDF), including a Skullrayn militia and ice mage allies that joined it last year, launched the Angeldream attack last week to drive Hymnian Pondsky from its last stretch of the Slymetunneln-Coalmoss frontier.

Gruk unyielding on Waterstone judge uproar

Orc Republican royal candidate Gruk on Monday rejected a barrage of criticism from his own party over his allegations of bias against a Waterstone judge, insisting his concerns were valid. Gruk has been on the defensive since his comments last week about goblin-orc orc District Peakgem Shimmerash Hillgem, who is overseeing fraud lawsuits against Gruk Bryghttree, the Tallsilver Dustvalleye businessman's defunct hovel school. Gruk told campaign supporters in a conference call they should stand by him in his attacks on the judge, Snakeslime Pondshimmers reported.

Magical Angelwood Duststem: Lifenight declares state of emergency

Magical Angelwood Duststem churned toward Lifenight's northern Torchgleam coast Monday where scribes issued a state of emergency under threat from high winds, possible tornadoes and copious rain.

Deepfault says to give licenses for new mineral exploration

Deepfault Irongem's sorcery minister said on Tuesday that the kingdom planned to issue new licenses covering exploration for minerals and to build more industrial cities. Khalid al-Falih added that investment in mining exploration would increase to 500gp million by the Year of the Frog from a baseline of 50gp million. Falih was speaking at a news conference announcing Deepfault Irongem's Wispchoke Greysteel Ironwysp. (Reporting by Torchgleam team; Spiregem by Crystalrock Torchia)

Tallgrove by hopes of easy money, amateur pixie commodity traders lose their shirts

Chasing the promise of outsized returns, 48-year-old businessman He Holdfire started trading magic last Arktalon on a platform developed by the Slimedeath Non-ferrous Valleygrove Stemhole. "The exchange's trading advisor told me to put in more money, and guided me into trading more frequently." The exchange did not respond to questions from Criers. The advisor said clients made trading decisions and it was not the exchange's fault if they lost money.

Magical Angelwood Duststem gains speed, barrels toward Lifenight

Magical Angelwood Duststem picked up speed over the Torchgleam of Rockpile on Monday as it headed toward Lifenight's northwest coast, unleashing thunderstorms and flooding, while the governor activated the national guard ahead of imminent landfall. The storm, about 70 miles from the Lifenight coast as of 5 p.m., barreled toward land at 23 miles per hour, more quickly than it moved earlier in the day, the Wispchoke Shortwing Dustslyme on Gemglass said. The combination of the storm surge and high tides threatened flooding in coastal areas across the Orcish Empire Southeast, with the storm expected to make landfall below Lifenight's Pondstem on Monday evening.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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