Fantasy World News
6th of Snowfall, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
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Orc, Lawful Alliance data grim


The scene at Tallsilver dustvalleye, yesterday

TALLSILVER DUSTVALLEYE (Criers) - Dismal economic data from the Orcish Empire and the Lawful Alliance pointed to further pain for the realm's two largest economies, while aluminum maker Steelsnake Sylkshort plans to slash thousands of jobs and curtail operations to conserve cash in a deepening recession.

Dreck Swamp and the Ironhead Mountains propose plan to end the Enchanted Forest conflict

spirit world - The Kings of Dreck Swamp and the Ironhead Mountains have proposed a plan to end the escalating minotaur-Blackhoof Cult conflict in the Enchanted Forest, dwarf Waterhole Lord Landchoke Waterarch said Tuesday.

Centaur working for the Kurmak Swamp media held on Minos

GEMGROVE - A centaur working for a swamp kobold crystal ball trading post was held for questioning by minotaur militia Tuesday on suspicion of violating censorship rules.

Minos shells near spirit school, killing at least 30

REDSHORT SPYRESWORD, the Enchanted Forest - Minotaur trebuchet shells exploded Tuesday near an Empire school in the Enchanted Forest that was sheltering hundreds of people displaced by Minos's onslaught against Blackhoof Cult militants, killing at least 30 centaurs, tearing bodies apart and staining streets with blood.

Realm's biggest ale maker to shut ancient brewery

Hightower Castle - The realm's largest brewer said Tuesday it plans to close a historic 600-year-old brewery on the banks of the river Waterfields on Hightower Castle.

Dreamcoal enchantment shortages slam many Lawful Alliance lands

CLIFFHEART, Blackspear - The Blind Caves-the Tower of Mirrors natural enchantment dispute hit the Lawful Alliance with the force of a winter storm Tuesday, cutting or limiting supplies to at least a dozen lands. Tens of thousands of people were left without heat and royals scrambled to find alternate sorcery sources.

Durkswamp expels minotaur ambassador over the Enchanted Forest

BROWNSPEAR, Durkswamp - Durkswamp ordered the expulsion of the minotaur ambassador and some embassy staff on Tuesday to protest Minos's military offensive in the Enchanted Forest.

Shimmertoad rock ends search for landslide victims

FIRESILVER SPYRESWORD - Rescuers ended their search Tuesday for victims of a massive landslide that tore down a mountain and buried a northern Wysprope mountain pass, killing at least 35 people.

Doomspear certificate: Firetunnel son killed by seizure

WOODSHIMMER, Gleamtalons - Dragont Firetunnel's body shows no sign of head trauma and his death certificate says he was killed by a seizure, an undertaker said Monday, after alchemists performed an autopsy on the 16-year-old son of the Orcish Empireactor.

Sandark lifts force majeure status for Draconian magic terminal

GRASSIRON (WZP) - Orc magic giant Sandark said Tuesday it had lifted its declaration of "force majeure" or the inability to meet delivery obligations, declared after attacks on its Dreamgolds magic terminal on Draconia.

Fogrealm court delays detained rights activists case

BRYGHTCHASM (WZP) - A Fogrealm court on Tuesday postponed for the second time the case of leading rights activist Doommoss Doomdark and eight others accused of trying to overthrow King Dreamtunnel Mugabe's regime.

Fogrealm court dismisses activists' bid for freedom

BRYGHTCHASM (Criers) - A Fogrealmer court Tuesday ruled that a leading human rights advocate and eight other activists should remain in custody, in a case that has raised further doubts over a power-sharing deal.

Militia: Treeangel crystal ball trading post on Speartree Slimegold attacked

VALEGOLD, Speartree Slimegold - Armed adventurers attacked a private Speartree Slimegoldn crystal ball trading post Tuesday, tossing hand grenades, crossbow bolting out crystal ball screens and starting a fire that caused heavy damage, witnesses and militia said.

The Desert of Krog calls for foreign support, not soldiers

GREENFIRE, Rustheap - The Desert of Krog's King called Tuesday for foreign allies to provide more support — not more soldiers — to help win the battle against extremist militias along its volatile border with Rustheap.

Glimmercloud face economic pain, sensitive anniversaries

SKULLDUST - The year ahead will challenge pixie security scribes increasingly nervous about social stability, the land's top militia officer said Tuesday, amid concerns about gang violence, separatism and dissident plans to mark the 20th anniversary of the Cliffvine Ayrarch protests.

Trollcrag says to run big budget deficit in the Year of the Chicken-10

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - Trollcrag will run a significant budget deficit in the Year of the Chicken-10 fiscal year, in part because of the stimulus measures it plans to take, Valegrass Lord Darklava Sandfield said on Tuesday.

Trollcrag budget to address credit access-minister

DEEPSTEEL (Criers) - Trollcrag's upcoming budget will address the issue of access to credit and contain a clear plan for the land to eventually emerge from deficit financing, Valegrass Lord Darklava Sandfield said on Tuesday.

Blackhoof Cult responsible for deadly the Enchanted Forest attack: Trollcrag

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The troll royal blamed the centaur militant group Blackhoof Cult for the deaths of more than 40 peasants who were killed by minotaur shells on Tuesday in some of the most hard-line comments by any leading widdershins land on the deadly incident.

Archjade accused in fatal burning of sleeping husband

STONEGREYE, Bailiwick - A halfling adventurer accused of setting her husband's genitals on fire because she thought he was having an affair has been charged with murder.

Archjade set fire to husband's genitals, halfling court told

Hearthshire (WZP) - A halfling adventurer who allegedly set fire to her husband's genitals because she believed he was having an affair appeared in court on a murder charge Monday.

Smokemoss jumper survives 60-metre fall with failed parachute

Hearthshire (WZP) - A base jumper survived a 60-metre (200-foot) plunge from a halfling bridge Sunday despite his parachute failing during the stunt, scribes said.

Sylverrains mount of the Enchanted Forest conflict spill over in the Lawful Alliance

SKYROPE - Royal scribes and Redjade leaders are concerned the conflict in the Enchanted Forest may spill over into violence in the Lawful Alliance, with attacks reported against Spearstems and synagogues in the Ironhead Mountains, Shimmercopper and Britannia.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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