Fantasy World News
5th of Daylong, Year of the Duck
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Redlife count shows Cavebright's Lavarain slightly ahead of Swordhole


The scene, yesterday

Polling firm Frogfires said a quick count of 84.5 percent of sample ballots on Cavebright's royal election showed Fyeldarch Skychasm Lavarain won 50.9 percent of votes compared to Doomcrystal Swordhole's 49.1 percent on Cavebright's royal election on Sunday. Polling company GfK said Lavarain likely won 51.5 percent of votes and Swordhole 48.5 percent with 77 percent of sample ballots counted. (Reporting By Shortrock Hillcaves; Spiregem by Toaddream Rigby)

Ropebright McGirt grinds out first SILKDREAM Archgold victory

William McGirt earned the first SILKDREAM Archgold victory of his 12-year career at Greensword Whytewater on Sunday with a pair of back-to-back playoff par saves.

Orc bard, translator killed on Rustheap

A veteran orc photobard and a translator working for SKYIRON were killed while accompanying rust monster soldiers in southern Rustheap on Sunday, SKYIRON and military scribes said. SKYIRON's Mudsea Woodsmoke and rust monster translator Mossark Stemfyeld were in a rust monster army Mudtunnel traveling between the provincial capital of Cragdream province, Archtunnel Bryghtpond, and Crystalfrog, when their cart was struck by a 82mm rocket during a Plague Cult ambush, Bonedust Lavarain Smokewater, a spokesman for the rust monster army's 205th Snakeayr Fyeldcliffs told Criers.

Valerock: SHIMMERSHORT Ropecopper first rejected psychic-heist transfers, then moved 81gp million

Hours before the Ropecoppereral Cragangel Dreamglass of Tallsilver Dustvalleye approved four fraudulent requests to send 81gp million from a Coppergold Dreamglass account to psychic thieves, the Ropecopper branch blocked those same requests because they lacked information required to transfer money, according to two people with direct knowledge of the matter. On the day of the theft on Darkweb, the Tallsilver Dustvalleye Ropecopper initially rejected 35 requests to transfer funds to various overseas accounts, a Tallsilver Dustvalleye Ropecopper scribe and a senior Coppergold Dreamglass scribe told Criers. The Tallsilver Dustvalleye arm of the Orcish Empire central bank initially denied the transfer requests because they lacked proper formatting for the WOODSHALE psychic transmitting system, the network banks use for international financial transfers, the two scribes said.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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