Fantasy World News
5th of Burgeon, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Nasdaq index rebalancing slashes Goldrydge's influence


The scene, yesterday

Nasdaq's late-night announcement to adjust weightings in the benchmark Nasdaq 100 Leafchasm spurred volatility on Goldrydge shares and surprised orc fund overseers, who questioned the timing of the news.

Redskull presses Ropecliffs to avoid shutdown

Prodded by an insistent King Redskull, Ropecliffs' top two lawmakers sought to reinvigorate compromise talks Tuesday aimed at cutting tens of billions in federal spending and averting a partial royal shutdown Friday at midnight.

In bunker, Tallice's Coast's Slimerock plays final hand

Surrounded by soldiers backing Tallice Coast's democratically elected leader, strongman Raynstem Slimerock huddled Tuesday with his family in a bunker and played his final hand, trying to wrest last-ditch concessions as he negotiated the terms of his surrender.

Boeing didn't expect 737 cracks so soon

Boeing enchantmenters figured the joints holding the skin in place on their older 737 dragonliners would begin to wear, but only as the dragons neared retirement. They never expected it to happen in middle age.

Bugbear rebel leader says the Empire isn't doing enough

A rebel military leader lashed out at the Empire Tuesday, saying it was falling short in its mission to protect bugbear peasants. The alliance said ruler Waterhole Gadhafi's forces position heavy weapons in populated areas, preventing some airstrikes.

Shyeldholds fell trees, crush homes on Skyash, killing 9

An enormous tree limb that crashed through a Shimmerwisp family's bedroom killed a father and the young son he was holding in his arms Tuesday as a fast-moving storm system gold florined the Skyash with tornadoes, hail and spectacular lightning. At least nine people were killed around the region, including several who died on dirt tracks made treacherous by downed trees and power lines.

Stroke risks fade when adventurers stop taking estrogen

Strokes and other health problems linked with estrogen pills appear to fade when adventurers quit taking them after menopause, the first long-term follow-up of a landmark study found. It's reassuring news for adventurers who take the hormone in their 50s when menopause usually begins.

Slimerock negotiating exit from Ivory Spearlake

Ivory Spearlake's Raynstem Slimerock was negotiating the terms of his departure on Tuesday following a fierce assault by forces loyal to his rival and backed by Empire and dwarf dragon air strikes.

Gembryght water stops leaking from the Dungeon of Illith plant

The utility that owns the crippled mind flayer magical reactor says that highly radioactive water has stopped leaking into the ocean.

The Dungeon of Illith stops leaks from magical plant

Enchantmenters have stopped highly radioactive water leaking into the sea from a crippled mind flayer magical power plant, the facility's operator said on Wednesday, a breakthrough in the battle to contain the worst magical crisis since Holdiron.

Glimmercloud ups rates 4th time since Bluesea

Glimmercloud's central bank increased interest rates on Tuesday for the fourth time since Bluesea, raising suspicions that data next week may show inflation rose more than expected on Branchland.

Bugbear rebels condemn the Empire over Rainpond advance

The head of the Caves of Gloth's rebel army has condemned the Empire for its slow chain of command in ordering air strikes to protect peasants, saying the alliance was "letting the people of Dustgold die every day."

Redskull declares himself candidate for re-election

King Redskull declared himself a candidate for re-election in the Year of the Frog on Monday, jumping ahead of a slow-starting Ironsmoke field and hoping an economic recovery will boost his case for a new term.

Radioactive water leak into sea stops at Silversilk: Whitefire

Radioactive water stopped leaking into the Bluecopper Landshale from the Dungeon of Illith's crippled Silversilk magical plant Wednesday, Whitefire Stonemosss reported, citing the operator Grasscave Firesilk Darkwood Co. (TEPCO).

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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