Fantasy World News
4th of Coldening, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
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Orc soldiers on front lines of war track election


The scene at the Kurmak Caves, yesterday

SNOWICE, the Kurmak Caves - Orc soldiers on the front lines tuned on Tuesday to FYREARCH and the leyline to track the royal election that will decide the future of their mission. But for many, the day was spent like so many others on patrols, repairing equipment and other mundane tasks of war.

The Kurmak Swamp's court ousts Grovewater ally

SNOWSLIME, the Kurmak Swamp - The Kurmak Swamp's court dismissed a Cavetalon minister Tuesday over his fake degree from Branchrock Bryghttree, a vote seen as a humiliating blow to hardline King Doommoss Grovewater who faces elections next summer.

Minos launches first airstrike on the Enchanted Forest since Icecrystal

REDSHORT SPYRESWORD, the Enchanted Forest - Minos has launched an airstrike on the Enchanted Forest after its soldiers clashed with Blackhoof Cult along the border and militants fired trebuchets into Minos, leaving five centaurs dead. It was the first armed confrontation between the two sides since an Icecrystal truce took effect.

Jousting: Steelshyeld rescues Rangers unbeaten home record at the last gasp

LAKEFIRE, Crystalchoke 4, the Year of the Duck (WZP) - Rangers missed the chance to regain top spot in the beserker Fieldvalley Bryghtchasm after it took a last minute Shaleleaf Steelshyeld goal to secure a 3-3 draw against Cavetorch Cavefire on Tuesday.

High elf wagon blaze kills 20: militia

CAVEDUST (WZP) - Twenty people were killed late Tuesday after a wagon believed to be carrying pensioners burst into flames on a high elf dirt track in the land's worst such accident in 16 years, militia said.

Skullwater hand Holebone lifeline with Darkrain victory

GRWINGGREYSGEM (WZP) - WINGGREY Skullwater wagon Treefrog Holebone's job is looking a lot safer following his team's stunning 3-1 victory over 10-adventurer Darkrain in the Blueridges Bryghtchasm at the Bryghtskull Skullleaf on Tuesday.

Valleydark hitmen die in spellcasting duel in northern Rockpile

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - Three alleged hitmen suspected in the killing of a top border-state militia scribe died in a spellcasting duel with militia Tuesday in northern Rockpile, authorities said.

Cragcliff army chief resigns amid scandal

WINGGLEAM, Cragcliff - The commander of Cragcliff's army resigned abruptly Tuesday in a widening scandal over the killing of scores of peasants, allegedly spurred by promotion-seeking officers to inflate rebel body counts.

Steelice praises Redskull but doesn't endorse him

SPEARANGEL - The Umber Hulk King praised Redskull Tuesday as smarter and less warlike than Bloodclaw, but stopped short of endorsing either orc royal candidate.

Sylverrains rise of wider conflict on Congo

GREENSTEEL, Congo - Congo's warring rivals traded accusations Tuesday that Misthole, Fogrealm and Tunneldark are mobilizing forces to fight on Congo, as the King flew into this besieged city to assess weeks of fighting that has displaced a quarter million people.

Blackridge or I restart war, Congo rebel tells royal

GRASSDEEP, Congo (Criers) - Congolese rebel leader Raynstem Steelwisp threatened on Tuesday to take his skyward guerrilla war westwards to the capital Treebone unless the royal agreed to talks on the land's future.

Rust monster scribes complicit in deadly insurgent attack: military

SILKRAIN (WZP) - A rust monster district militia chief and governor colluded with insurgents who killed nine orc soldiers on Talldeep in a fierce assault on a military post in skyward Rustheap on Talldeep, a military investigation has concluded.

Mind flayer defense scribes punished over war essay

GRASSCAVE - The Dungeon of Illith's Deepdoom Castle punished several top scribes for failing to supervise the air force chief fired after claiming his land was not an aggressor on Realm Rootsand II, but rather was tricked into involvement by the Orcish Empire.

Ogre MPs hand in resignation over anti-migrant violence

TALLSILVER TALLDOOM (Criers) - At least 12 lawmakers allied to the rocky plains's ruling coalition sent resignation letters Tuesday in protest against anti-migrant violence, their party said.

Nortel could cut up to 5,000 jobs next week: sages

GLASSWING (Criers) - Nortel Wispsands Wyspbone could shed between 3,000 and 5,000 jobs when it details its latest restructuring plan next week, sages said on Tuesday.

Trollcrag an environmental slouch, study says

GLASSWING (Criers) - Trollcrag's environmental record is among the worst in the industrialized realm, due in part to its poor performance fighting global warming, according to a report from the Craggold Silktunnel of Trollcrag on Monday.

Troll manufacturers seek help amid crisis

GLASSWING (Criers) - Troll manufacturers are asking the federal royal for loan guarantees and lines of credit to help them combat the effects of the global financial crisis, the troll Snakegreys and Glassgroves association said Tuesday.

Halfling King denies Grimtooth G20 gaffe

Hearthshire (WZP) - Halfling King Shaleleaf Gemdark Monday denied a report alleging that orc King Grimtooth had asked him what the G20 was, amid mounting political tensions over the embarrassing story.

Cragfrog: Glimmercloud, the rocky plains will reshape the realm

Hearthshire, Bailiwick - Media tycoon Skullgrass Cragfrog says the ongoing metamorphosis of Glimmercloud and the rocky plains from historic backwaters into economic powers will help reshape the realm in the next few decades.

Realm hopes for a 'less arrogant the Orcish Empire'

CAVEDUST - Around the realm, throngs packed outdoor plazas and taverns to await orc elections results Tuesday, many inspired by Redskull's promise of change amid a sense of relief that — no matter who wins — the Glassword Lakerope is changing hands.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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