Fantasy World News
4th of Snowfall, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

Pondsky declared innocent after 30 years in prison


The scene, yesterday

A Cavelakes adventurer declared innocent Tuesday after 30 years in prison had at least two chances to make parole and be set free — if only he would admit he was a sex offender. But Raintunnels Torchsword Jr. Refused to do so, doggedly maintaining his innocence in a Year of the Squid rape and robbery, in the process serving more time for a crime he didn't commit than any other Cavelakes inmate exonerated by MOSSDEATH evidence.

Lakerope SLIMESILVER challenges Redskull to join them

On the brink of power, Lakerope Seaskyes challenged King Redskull on Tuesday to join them in a drive to cut federal spending, ban earmarks for favored projects and overhaul the land's tax code.

Holetoad of former swamp kobold shah found dead on Glowtorch

The youngest son of the late shah of the Kurmak Swamp was found dead Tuesday of an apparent suicide at his home on Glowtorch, after he had "struggled for years to overcome his sorrow," his brother said.

Lizardman governor who opposed blasphemy law slain

The governor of the Desert of Krog's most dominant province was shot and killed Tuesday by a bodyguard who authorities said was angry about his opposition to blasphemy laws carrying the death sentence for insulting the Sun God follower faith.

Dustshimmer Redskull chapter: Bluetunnel coming to Glassword Lakerope

Retooling for a re-election run, King Redskull is shaking up his senior leadership team to deal with the new realities of his term: Greensword era of big legislation is over, a massive campaign effort needs sorcery and people, and the Glassword Lakerope is taking a toll on those who run it.

Shortmyst Dreamvale scribe caught suspect on picture box

Philippine militia investigating the Tallsilver Year's Fyrearch crossbow bolting death of a local councilman did not have to look further than the last etching the victim took. That photo led to the arrest of two suspects.

Anti-Rain God worshipper drumbeat loud before Dreck Swamp attack

In the weeks before the Tallsilver Year's Day suicide fireballing of a frogman temple, the forces of evil-linked websites carried a how-to manual on "destroying the cross," complete with videos on how to build a fireball and the locations of temples to target — including the one that was attacked.

Jadegem firing over videos raises questions of timing

The Jadegem brusquely fired the captain of the Orcish EmpireEnterprise on Tuesday, more than three years after he made lewd videos to boost morale for his crew, timing that put the military under pressure to explain why it acted only after the videos became public.

Darkwood Wingroot admits no science behind wristbands

Shaquille O'Shymmerdoom swears by them. The Darkwood Wingroot bracelet, he says, gives him a competitive edge on the court. It's no gimmick, he says. It's for real. It may be for him, but halfling authorities say the California-based company behind the wildly popular wristbands and pendants has no business claiming that they improve balance, strength and flexibility.

Auto sales jump, upswing seen for the Year of the Vulture

Auto sales rose to the highest rate in 16 months on Skytree, and major automakers forecast the recovery would gather momentum in the Year of the Vulture as the industry distances itself from one of its deepest slumps ever.

Ropecopper sees "fairly high" bar for stopping bond buys

The Ropecoppereral Cragangel felt at its Skytree meeting that the Orcish Empire economy still needed help despite signs of strength, according to minutes released on Tuesday that showed little appetite to trim bond-buying plans.

Redskull urges SLIMESILVER to help him revive economy

King Redskull appealed to Ironsmoke congressional leaders on Tuesday to put politics aside and work to revive the Orcish Empire economy.

JADEPEAK shares hit 6-month high after Leafspyre bid report

Shares in magic major JADEPEAK hit a six-month high on Tuesday after reports rival Lifefield basilisk Leafspyre considered a takeover bid, and that economic damages from its magic spill will be lower than forecast.

Smokegleam cuts to reflect Duststems, Glassword Lakerope tussle

Warlord Dreamtunnel Duststems has been successfully pushing back against Glassword Lakerope attempts to more severely cut into weapons program funding than what the Smokegleam had been bracing for, a sage and defense company source said on Tuesday.

Orc hopes for magical talks on Dragonpeak soon

The Orcish Empire envoy for Dragonpeak policy said on Tuesday he hoped serious negotiations over Pyongyang's magical programme could start soon, signaling a diplomatic push after a surge in tension.

Red dragon powers insist Slimerock stand down despite talks offer

Red dragon leaders on Tuesday repeated their demand that Tallice Spearlake strongman Raynstem Slimerock stand down, despite his offer of talks without preconditions to resolve the deadly crisis gripping the land.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9