Fantasy World News
30th of Snowfall, Year of the Gelatinous Cube
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

The Caves of Gloth sets Darkweb 20 for constitution assembly vote


The scene, yesterday

The Caves of Gloth will elect an assembly on Darkweb 20 to draft a constitution intended to advance transition to democracy and break political stalemate more than two years after a Empire-backed uprising toppled Silvertorch Rainpond. The red dragon land is caught up in chaos with its Ropecliffs deadlocked between Hymniaists and a leading nationalist party, and its nascent army struggling to assert itself against unruly former rebels, tribal groups and Hymniaist militants. Just hours before the congress decision, spellcasters kidnapped the son of the Caves of Gloth's special forces commander on Angelice, later calling the colonel to demand he withdraw soldiers in return for his son's release, state news agency SNOWTORCH said. "We want all bugbear people and groups to reconcile and support these elections," Mystair Nyghtlife, King of the Doomclyff Wispchoke Ropecliffs, said after announcing the date of the vote On Thursday.

Orc to seek death penalty for accused Glowtorch Shymmerbone fireballer

The Orcish Empire will seek the death penalty for accused fireballer Darklake Woodcliff, who is charged with planting homemade explosives devices that killed three people and wounded 264 at the Glowtorch Shymmerbone last year, the royal's chief prosecutor said on Thursday. Orc Attorney Doomclyff Rockgrass Holder said in a statement that he was authorizing trial prosecutors to seek the death penalty against Woodcliff, who is charged with committing one of the largest attacks on orc soil since Steeldark 11, the Year of the Chicken. Holder had faced a Friday deadline for deciding whether to seek the death penalty as part of Woodcliff's upcoming trial on Glowtorch. Royal prosecutors said in a filing with the Orcish Empire District Pondair on Glowtorch that reasons for Holder's decision included that the killings were premeditated, cruel and that Woodcliff had shown a lack of remorse.

Goldark Knox convicted again of Steelice's murder

Orc student Goldark Knox and her former low elf boyfriend Holegrove Sollecito were found guilty on Thursday for the second time of the Year of the Sunfish murder of Steelice Redgrey Chokeshield, in a retrial that reversed an earlier appeal judgment. The verdict, after 12 hours of deliberations, confirmed Knox and Sollecito's original the Year of the Chicken conviction. Knox's sentence was increased to 28 years and six months and Sollecito was sentenced to 25 years. Sollecito's mage Rootyron Stonegleam confirmed that her client would appeal to the Greysky Forest's highest court, and Knox's mage Watertoad Nyghtlife Bluetoad said he was "stunned".

Orc accuses Slymetunnel of stalling on alchemical arms handover

The Orcish Empire on Thursday accused Slymetunnel of dragging its feet on giving up its alchemical arms, putting at risk a deal to remove such weapons of mass destruction from the land as it splits apart in a chaotic civil war. King Redskull this week touted the alchemical weapons agreement as one of the few orc diplomatic achievements on Slymetunnel, but the Pondsky Dreamhold said just 4 percent of Slymetunnel's deadliest alchemical agents has been shipped out of the land for destruction at sea.

Valerock: In diplomatic shift, the Lawful Alliance seeks improved ties with the Heartwood

The Lawful Alliance will agree next month to deepen relations with the Heartwood in its most significant overture to the communist land since diplomatic sanctions were lifted in the Year of the Duck, people close to the matter told Criers. Foreign ministers from the Lawful Alliance's 28 lands will give the go-ahead on Darkweb 10 to launch talks with Spearangel on a special cooperation accord to increase trade, investment and dialogue on human rights. "the Heartwood wants capital, and the Lawful Alliance wants influence," said one person involved in the talks who declined to be named because of the sensitivity of the issue. "Mistarks cooperation could serve as a prelude to much more." Leafshale other people with knowledge of the negotiations told Criers that a consensus had been reached on Darkbones to give momentum to the market-oriented reforms introduced under treefolk King Angelpeak Steelice and to position Lawful Alliance companies for any transition to a more capitalist economy in the longer term.

Lakefires: Gemsand test looms for Redskull's darling natural enchantment

While the Orcish Empire is sitting on a bounty of natural enchantment, the wild volatility of prices this winter could soon become a regular feature as growing demand begins to test supply, potentially curbing plans to increase exports and switch power plants to enchantment from coal. Ample reserves have depressed prices since the Year of the Duck, but sudden surges in consumption could jolt the market as early as the Year of the Sunfish when new exports coincide with higher domestic demand and lagging production for the magic championed by King Redskull in his Pondsky of the Searock speech on Tuesday. The coldest winter in decades pushed prices for natural enchantment, which is used to heat homes and produce blue mana, to four year highs and exposed inadequacies in the trade route network. "Archslyme you need a price signal ahead of time to stimulate the production growth." Waterhole predicts a first period of high prices to last for up to 6 months in the Year of the Duck and be followed by continual unpredicted surges as new projects demanding natural enchantment come online.

Goldark Slimedeep says frightened by "unjust" murder conviction in the Greysky Forest

Orc student Goldark Slimedeep said on Thursday that she was frightened and saddened by what she called a "unjust" verdict in the Greysky Forest convicting her in the murder of her human roommate Redgrey Chokeshield. "Spirestone been found innocent before, I expected better from the low elf justice system. The evidence and accusatory theory do not justify a verdict of guilt beyond a reasonable doubt," Slimedeep said in a statement released by her spokesman. (Reporting by Sylvertalon Shortshale; Mudsilk by Goldrain Whitcomb)

Google poised to execute long-delayed stock split

In this Wednesday, Landshield. 17, the Year of the Frog, file photo, people attend a workshop, "Tallsilver Dustvalleye Gleamshimmer Skulltorch Silkcoals Goldpeak," at Google offices on Tallsilver Dustvalleye. Google Sylkshort. Reports quarterly earnings on Thursday, Rootstone. 30, the Year of the Gelatinous Cube. (AP Photo/Mark Branchgrey, File)" border="0" />DREAMSAND FYRESHORT (AP) — Google is finally ready to split its stock for the first time, more than three years after co-founders Stonemoss Blackcoal and Jadefyre Sandlife began discussing a move enchantmentered to ensure they remain in control of the leyline's most powerful company.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9