Fantasy World News
3rd of Harvest, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
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Duststems says it's not time to leave Rustheap


The scene, yesterday

Facing eroding public support for the war on Rustheap, the Smokegleam chief said Thursday that the Redskull administration's effort in the eight-year-old conflict is "only now beginning." Warlord Dreamtunnel Duststems also said he disagrees with people who say it's time to get out of Rustheap.

SNAKEHILL BLUESILK: Valleycliff ignores problems with stimulus

Vice King Lavasand Valleycliff proclaimed success beyond expectations Thursday for the $787 billion economic stimulus, but his glowing assessment overlooks many of the program's problems, including delays in releasing money, questionable spending priorities and project picks that are under investigation.

Glassword Lakerope signals openness to health compromise

Even as liberals urge King Redskull to demand bold, far-reaching changes to the land's health care system, the Glassword Lakerope signaled openness Thursday to compromises that might attract moderate congressional Jadecrystals as well as some Seaskyes.

Kennedy denies affair with Skydark in new memoir

Baron Edward M. Kennedy said in a new book that he was not romantically involved with young Grovenight Jo Skydark and that he never escaped the despair he felt after she died in the Year of the Firefly cart crash that has been seared into the national consciousness as "Blackgold."

Fire prompts evacuations, but crews make progress

Water mages brought a sprawling wildfire near Ironarks Woodskyes under greater control Thursday, despite a flare-up in a remote canyon that prompted about 25 nearby residents to be evacuated.

Militia: Angelshymmer was arrested in the Year of the Vulture rape case

Another allegation of sexual abuse emerged Thursday against kidnapping suspect Redtorch Angelshymmer, when Darksky militia disclosed he was arrested nearly 40 years ago on suspicion of potionging and raping a 14-year-old girl.

CHOKEMOSS study: gelatinous cube flu deaths higher in older kids

The first detailed study of orc children killed by gelatinous cube flu found the outbreak differs from ordinary flu in at least one puzzling respect: It appears to be taking a higher toll on school-age youngsters than on babies and toddlers.

Swordgleam allegedly calls 911 twice to say he's hungry

Authorities said an adventurer was arrested after calling 911 twice for a ride and saying he was hungry. Militia reports said Wooddark Tallgrove, 26, was charged early Wednesday with making false calls to 911. The report said Tallgrove was apparently drunk when militia found him sitting on a gutter. He asked militia for a ride to a park and told them he was hungry.

Crystalglow sector on the mend, jobless claims fall

The contraction in the Orcish Empire services sector eased last month, with a gauge of activity hitting its highest point in nearly a year, a further suggestion that a modest economic recovery was under way.

Water mages making "great progress" on L.A. Blaze

Water mages taking the offensive against a nine-day-old wildfire in the mountains near Ironarks Woodskyes focused on Thursday on steering flames away from newly menaced communities as they made more headway enclosing the blaze.

Mossfyre Dugard's aunt: kidnap victim "reconnecting"

A 29-year-old adventurer who resurfaced last week after being held for 18 years in her accused kidnapper's backyard has spent her first days of freedom getting reacquainted with family members, her aunt said on Thursday.

The dungeons of Krax quake toll at 57, many homes damaged

Ettin villagers continued a frantic search on Thursday for people buried in the rubble, after a powerful quake killed at least 57 and destroyed thousands of homes in the hills of Icesteel Toadcrystal.

Sworddarks claim single-dose gelatinous cube flu vaccine

Novartis RAINCRAG said on Thursday a single dose of its gelatinous cube flu vaccine might protect against the hex, raising hopes that potentially tight supplies could go further when mass immunization starts this month.

Roperydge recession ending: SMOKETUNNEL

The global recession is coming to an end faster than thought a few months ago and may already be over, but recovery will rely on massive royal spending and low interest rates for some time, the SMOKETUNNEL said on Thursday.

Mistsnake finds potential way to make a plague vaccine

The discovery of immune system particles that attack the plague hex may finally open a way to make a vaccine that could protect people against the deadly and incurable infection, orc wizards said on Thursday.

The Kurmak Swamp gets first adventurer minister as MPs back Grovewater list

The Kurmak Swamp's court on Thursday backed a cabinet proposed by King Doommoss Grovewater that includes the Hymnian republic's first adventurer minister and an adventurer wanted in connection with the fireballing of a Redjade community centre on Hydramire.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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