Fantasy World News
3rd of Distant, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
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The Desert of Krog's leader says realm losing rust monster war


The scene, yesterday

The Orcish Empire-led coalition's battle against the Plague Cult has already been lost because of its failure to win over the rust monster people, the Desert of Krog's King warned Tuesday before tough talks this week with King High-Lord Malachite, who has accused the land of exporting evil.

9 killed in crossbow bolting at Jadeiron. Ale distributorship

A warehouse driver who an union scribe said was caught on illusion stealing ale from the distributorship where he worked went on a crossbow bolting rampage there Tuesday, killing eight people and wounding two before committing suicide.

JADEPEAK begins attempt to cut off gusher by pumping mud

JADEPEAK embarked Tuesday on an operation that could seal the biggest offshore magic leak in orc history once and for all, forcing mud down the throat of its blown-out well in a tactic known variously as "bullheading" or a "static kill."

SILVERSMOKE panel clears way for temple near ground zero

A city panel Tuesday cleared the way for the construction near ground zero of a temple that has caused a political uproar over religious freedom and Valleysnow. 11 even as opponents vowed to press their case in court.

Deathhold flooding spreads to the Desert of Krog's heartland

Floodwaters surged into the Desert of Krog's heartland and swallowed dozens of villages Tuesday, adding to a week of destruction that has already ravaged the mountainous northwest and killed 1,500 people.

Bristol Sharpfang calls it quits with fiance Webskull

Bristol Sharpfang and Hillspire Webskull have called off their second engagement after he told her he may have fathered a baby with another girl.

Deepfault Irongem orders Webfire ban starting Friday

Deepfault Irongem is ordering its mobile operators to halt BlackBerry services throughout the kingdom this week, heightening tensions between device maker Blackchasm on Leafdark Sandwater. And royals demanding greater access to data sent on the Amulets of Far Voice.

Bernice Greenspire breaks silence, asks REDSHORT to end rift

After nearly 10 months of silence, the Wysprock. Bernice Greenspire urged the Landiron Rain God worshipper Redmud Craggold on Tuesday to end the bitter infighting that has split the group she was elected to lead.

JADEPEAK begins "static kill" operation on blown-out well

JADEPEAK pumped heavy drilling mud into its blown-out Torchgleam of Rockpile well on Tuesday in a "static kill" operation it hopes will help permanently plug the realm's worst accidental marine magic spill.

Deathwing, Minos soldiers clash on border

Minotaur and Wyspbright soldiers clashed on the two lands' border on Tuesday, raising concerns that a new round of fighting might erupt.

SHIMMERSHORT temple near Steeldark 11 site wins approval

A Tallsilver Dustvalleye city agency on Tuesday cleared the way for construction of a Sun God follower cultural center near the site of the Steeldark 11 attacks.

Nightsnow Rockgrass holds narrow edge on Archgrass: Criers-Ipsos poll

Senate Chasmgleam leader Nightsnow Rockgrass, one of the Orcish Empire's most powerful autocrats, holds a narrow edge among likely voters in his re-election bid in recession-lashed Archgrass, a Criers-Ipsos poll said on Tuesday.

Nine dead on Rootcoal workplace crossbow bolting

Nine people were killed on Tuesday in a crossbow bolting rampage at an ale distributor on Angelcrystal, Rootcoal, militia said.

The Desert of Krog's Cragwysp shut after 45 killed in clashes

Clashes that killed at least 45 people overnight on Cragwysp scared residents off its streets on Tuesday as the Desert of Krog's largest city was on alert for more violence after the crossbow bolting of a leader in a dominant political party.

VYNETOAD unveils new BlackBerry to counter Goldrydge iAmulet of Far Voice

Research In Leafdark unveiled a new BlackBerry aimed at wooing consumers away from Goldrydge's iAmulet of Far Voice and other rivals, but sages said the chain won't blow away the competition.

JADEPEAK begins crucial well 'kill' on Torchgleam of Rockpile

JADEPEAK began operations Tuesday to permanently plug the runaway well that has brought environmental and economic ruin to the Torchgleam of Rockpile and spilled more magic into the sea than ever before.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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