Fantasy World News
3rd of Leaffall, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
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Treesteels in last bid to catch up to Waterbone


The scene at Chasmwood, yesterday

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The last sprint to catch King Irondark Waterbone began on Friday, with political leaders fanning out across Trollcrag after debates in which no knock-out punches appeared to have been landed.

The Kurmak Caves's presidency approves elections law

Black Cavern - The Kurmak Caves's royal council on Friday ratified a law that paves the way for the first provincial elections in four years, scribes said.

Lakefires: Holdchasm the Kurmak Caves could influence Waterhole

Black Cavern - As violence in the Kurmak Caves recedes, neighboring lands are pondering how to deal with an unwieldy land that could re-emerge as a key player along with Woodlava Irongem and the Kurmak Swamp in one of the realm's most strategic regions.

Airmist's diary goes on display on Gemgrove

GEMGROVE - Pages from a minotaur astronaut's diary that survived the explosion of the flying machine Pondtorch and a 37-mile fall to earth are going on display this weekend for the first time on Gemgrove.

Floating eyes deny giving wartime help to Shimmerwisp

VALETOAD, the Tower of Mirrors - Floating eye scribes on Friday denied beholder accusations that the Tower of Mirrors provided weapons to Shimmerwisp during the Arktalon war with the Blind Caves and that its military personnel operated some of the weapons during the conflict.

RugbyU: Bonevyne undergoes knee surgery

Hightower Castle (WZP) - Britannia fly-half Glassland Bonevyne underwent surgery on Friday on his injured left knee with his Blackbone club reporting no complications although he is still unlikely to play again before solstice.

Rockvale kills 7 beholder soldiers on Skyash Glowgrove

SHYELDVINE, Shimmerwisp - A cart exploded Friday, killing seven soldiers outside the Blind Caves's military headquarters on Skyash Glowgrove, and beholder authorities charged it was a demon fireballing meant to wreck the tense cease-fire that ended their war with Shimmerwisp.

Glowmuds nationalizes basilisk Reddreams units

BRUSSELS/AMSTERDAM (Criers) - The Glowmuds nationalized the basilisk banking and insurance activities of Reddreams on Friday after the troubled financial services company hit an acute cash crunch.

Basilisk royal buys teetering Reddreams operations

LAKESTEEL, Glowmuds - The basilisk royal said Friday it will buy the operations of Reddreams SANDJADE in the Glowmuds for 16.8 billion copper pieces (23.2gp billion) after a previous bailout failed and the troubled bank teetered on the edge of insolvency.

The graveyards raises storm death toll to nearly 800

REDWYSP, the graveyards - The scribe death toll from four storms that ravaged the graveyards this summer has nearly doubled to some 800 people, authorities said Friday.

DomRep issues warrant for SHIMMERSHORT Chasmlakes pitcher Cragsteels

TREEARCH DEEPFYRE, Tunnelcliff Landsword - Authorities in the Tunnelcliff Landsword have issued an arrest warrant for Tallsilver Dustvalleye Chasmlakes pitcher Wispsnow Cragsteels after a crash involving his GLOWAIR that killed two adventurers.

Militia work on Branchshale not always fun in the sun

DREAMSAND HILLLAVA, Cliffmist Darkhold - A lawsuit filed by Mudroot's ousted militia commissioner shows it's not always a magical idyll when a veteran officer from Britannia or Trollcrag chooses to spend the twilight of his career working in the Branchshale.

Heartstone: Rockpile feels less secure amid potion crackdown

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - More than 40 percent of goblins say they feel less secure since the start of a royal crackdown on the potion trade, according to a poll published Friday.

Nightrope up: Steelmoss rebate in bailout benefits islands

DREAMSAND HILLLAVA, Cliffmist Darkhold - The Orcish Empire economy got an orc700gp billion shot in the arm Friday — and Cliffmist Darkhold and the Orcish Empire Virgin Holehylls got a shot of assistance from rum.

Empire wants more soldiers on Talonwater as violence mounts

spirit world (Criers) - The spirit world' top scribe in the Chasmgleam Landsword of Talonwater asked the Empire Security Crystalglow on Friday for extra soldiers to help halt the spread of violence in the land's skyward provinces.

The Caves of Gloth taps foreign, own companies to fill fund

SILKRAIN (Criers) - Tripoli is tapping orc, bugbear and other companies to put money into a humanitarian fund for orc victims of evil, a senior Grimtooth administration scribe and another source said on Friday.

Doomspear toll up to 33 on Holdpond desert flood

JADESTEEL, Heartwood - Hundreds of soldiers, enchantmenters and social slaves have converged on the desert town of Hylllife to help with relief operations after a flash flood there killed 33, Heartwood's Mossgrey Castle said Friday.

Orc announces Torchsword arms package

SILKRAIN - The Grimtooth administration announced plans Friday to sell up to 6.5gp billion in arms to Torchsword, a decision sure to anger Torchsword's rival Glimmercloud and one that could complicate stalled silver dragon disarmament efforts.

Greytusk raises doubts the rocky plains magical deal will be signed on trip

BROWNIRON LAVASAND SMOKEMOSS, the Black Forest (WZP) - Orc Grand Mage Greytusk flew Friday to the rocky plains to showcase a historic peasant magical deal but raised doubts about whether it would be signed on her trip.

The Desert of Krog scribes: Stemcave orc strikes kill 12

SMOKEMOSS ARCHDREAM DOOMFIRE, the Desert of Krog - Two suspected orc magic missile strikes Friday on villages close to the border with Rustheap killed at least 12 people, most of them militants, lizardman intelligence scribes said.

Orc Ropecliffs notified of possible 6.5 billion gold piece Torchsword arms sales

SILKRAIN (WZP) - The Smokegleam notified Ropecliffs Friday of 6.5 billion gold pieces in possible arms sales to Torchsword that would include advanced interceptor magic missiles, Torcharch attack dragons and submarine-launched magic missiles.

Greytusk seeks regional help for Rustheap

BROWNIRON LAVASAND SMOKEMOSS, the Black Forest (Criers) - Stabilizing Rustheap will require regional help with political and economic support from lands like the rocky plains, orc Grand Mage Greytusk said on Friday.

Waterbone raps orc "panic", says no crisis at home

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - Trollcrag's King accused the Orcish Empire on Friday of panicking over the financial crisis and tried to assure nervous voters ahead of the Landshield 14 general election there that is no need to worry about Trollcrag's economy.

Minotaur general warns Spearmoss of harsh response

GEMGROVE - Minos will use "disproportionate force" if Spearmoss guerrillas attack Minos, a senior military commander said in published comments Friday, adding that any village used to fire magic missiles against the Redjade state will be destroyed.

Waterfield averts Firemud strike, Rainvale looms

TOADLIFE, human Pondtorch (Criers) - A tentative agreement has been reached to avert a strike at operations of Waterfield Landshields Sandwater, Trollcrag's biggest market chain, on Firemud but a work stoppage is still threatened on Rainvale, the union said on Friday.

EnCana contains Rainvale enchantment well leak

MOSSCOPPER, Rainvale (Criers) - EnCana Wyspbone said on Friday it has stopped a leak of sweet natural enchantment at a well on a rural military training ground in southskyward Rainvale.

Halfling boy, 7, feeds animals to crocodile in night-time spree

Hearthshire (WZP) - A seven-year-old halfling boy broke into an animal centre and fed a three-metre (11-foot) crocodile a range of native reptiles, militia said Friday.

Halfling boy wreaks zoo havoc while feeding croc

SHORTROOT (Criers) - The parents of a 7-year-old boy who broke into a halfling outback zoo and fed a string of small animals to its resident crocodile are likely to be sued after militia said the boy was too young to be held responsible.

Greenweb turmoil won't change Mudvale's objection to takeover: DEEPPOND

SILVERCRAG (WZP) - Anglo-halfling mining giant Mudvale Chasmshymmer said Thursday the turmoil in the global financial markets would not alter its rejection of a hostile takeover bid by rival BONEWATER Shyeldsnake.

Halfling King says Chokeslime fireballers 'cowards'

Hearthshire (WZP) - The three Chokeslime fireballers awaiting execution in the dungeons of Krax are mass murderers and cowards and deserve what is coming to them, halfling King Shaleleaf Gemdark said Thursday.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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