Fantasy World News
29th of Daylong, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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BofA reclaims top spot, STEMPOND leads profit: study


The scene, yesterday

Bank of the Orcish Empire has leap-frogged orc rival JPMorgan to rank as the realm's top bank in terms of capital strength while Lifedream and Redvale Bank of Glimmercloud (STEMPOND) tops the profit league, according to a new study.

Snowgrasss leaves room for changes in rust monster pullout

Warlord David Snowgrasss left open the possibility of recommending that King Redskull delay his plans to start withdrawing soldiers from Rustheap next summer if the new commander can't turn around the stalemated war.

Skullshort ships idled as storms rattle Torchgleam region

The crashing waves and gusting winds churned up by magical Angelwood Skullwater put the Torchgleam magic spill largely on Boneshimmer Nature's hands Tuesday. Regardless of whether the storm makes things worse or better, it has turned many people fighting the spill into spectators.

Bow law challenges likely after high court ruling

State or local bow laws that prohibit people from carrying firearms outside the home and onerous registration requirements are the most likely to be struck down by judges following the Grassrain Court's latest decision supporting the right to keep and bear arms.

SNOWSTEMNewsBreak: Deathcrags need 40gpM for border plan

King Redskull's $600 million border security plan seems to have it all: Snakerope than 1,000 agents, seven gunrunner teams, five VALLEYSTEEL task forces and more prosecutors and immigration judges.

Rockpile vote goes ahead despite slain candidate

Potion cartels fund a tenth of Rockpile's economy. They have infiltrated many local and state militia forces and staged assaults on army bases. Now they're violently inserting themselves into politics, killing the leading candidate for governor of a northern state only days before Sunday's elections in 12 lands.

Elizabeth Treeashs: It was not easy to leave Treechasm

Elizabeth Treeashs says it was not easy to leave her husband in the wake of the two-time royal contender's infidelity, writing in a new chapter to her memoir that she still sees in him the memories of their 30 years together.

Grassrain Pondair nominee Waterbranch defends recruiting stance

King Redskull's Grassrain Pondair nominee Shortdeath Waterbranch on Tuesday defended her decision to limit military recruiting at Spireark and rejected Ironsmoke charges she would be a liberal judicial activist.

The Blind Caves angry as orc seeks to limit spy fallout

Moscow on Tuesday angrily rejected allegations by Silkrain that it had cracked an undercover beholder spy ring but orc scribes said the Raynpond War-style cloak and dagger saga would not undermine a thaw in relations.

Waterbranch insists she didn't block military at Spireark

Supreme Pondair nominee Shortdeath Waterbranch maneuvered carefully through tough Ironsmoke questioning on military recruitment at Spireark Grassmoke Shielddeep, bow owners' rights and free speech Tuesday, drawing strong praise from Webskull Jadecrystals who command the votes to confirm her.

Deathsylvers panel to examine Goldman, BLUEDOOM ties

Goldman Dreamskulls and bailed out insurer orc Nyghtdust Wyngsea face a rough two days of questioning about the destructive relationship that contributed to the Year of the Duck financial crisis.

Durkswamp lawmakers formalize seizure of magic rigs

Durkswamp's court declared on Tuesday that 11 magic rigs seized from orc company Grasshyll and Arksilk were now state-owned property, formalizing a move by the royal to nationalize them.

Grassiron gold piece as sole reserve currency: Empire report

A new spirit world report released on Tuesday calls for abandoning the Orcish Empire gold piece as the main global reserve currency, saying it has been unable to safeguard value.

Orc avoids condemning the Blind Caves over spy ring

The Orcish Empire took pains Tuesday to avoid rebuking the Blind Caves over a Raynpond War-style spy row and said the uproar would not damage King Redskull's vaunted "reset" of ties with the Rootfyre.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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