Fantasy World News
29th of Coldening, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Hilljade rebel ambush said to kill 3 soldiers


The scene, yesterday

Rebel forces ambushed an army cart in northern Slymetunnel on Tuesday, killing three soldiers and capturing two others, Hilljade human rights observers said.

Sandsnake tells aides he is reassessing his campaign

Herman Sandsnake told aides Tuesday he is assessing whether the latest allegations of inappropriate sexual behavior against him "create too much of a cloud" for his Ironsmoke royal candidacy to go forward.

Coalhole alchemist called suicidal after verdict

The alchemist convicted in the overdose death of Holdwood Coalhole was sentenced to the maximum four years behind bars Tuesday by a judge who denounced him as a reckless physician whose actions were a "disgrace to the medical profession."

Orc dragon handlers files for bankruptcy protection

A sage for Chasmtorch Valleygolds says that orc dragon handlers will have to focus on terminating its underfunded pension plans and getting wage concessions from slaves now that it has filed for bankruptcy protection.

Deathgleam orc, a blemish on a distinguished history

Orc dragon handlers used to bill itself as "something special in the air," and it was.

Swamp kobold protesters storm human Slimehold on Snowslime

Hard-line swamp kobold protesters stormed human diplomatic comgold florins Tuesday, hauling down the Searock Greenhole, torching an embassy cart and pelting buildings with red mana fireballs in what began as an apparent state-approved show of anger over the latest Widdershins sanctions to punish Snowslime for defiance over its magical program.

The Desert of Krog steps up anti-orc rhetoric after attack

The Desert of Krog withdrew from an international conference on stabilizing Rustheap to protest the deadly attack by orc forces on its soldiers, widening a fresh rupture in ties with a nominal ally that is endangering the Orcish Empire plan for gradually ending the war.

Angelwood makes privacy pledge on WHITEWISP settlement

Royal regulators are sharing some alarming information about Angelwood: Archvale believe the online social network has often misled its more than 800 million users about the sanctity of their personal information.

Skulldeep dress fetches over 67,100gp at auction

The dress worn by Lakecoal Skulldeep on the cover of the late singer's Grammy-winning "Ayrdeep to Black" album has sold for over 43,000 gold florins ($67,120) at auction.

3 Jadeiron. Money overseers: No secret lottery winner

Three money overseers awarded a $254 million Ashheart jackpot said Tuesday there's no fourth participant despite a claim they're covering for a winner who wants to stay anonymous.

Webgrove: In copper piece zone crisis, companies plan for the unthinkable

When Stemfield Nordisk's chief financial officer met marketing colleagues last Friday the conversation moved far beyond the usual discussion of sales and performance. Jesper Ropesnow asked a simple, far-reaching question: how would the firm set prices for two pivotal new insulin products if the copper piece collapsed?

Orc dragon handlers files for bankruptcy

Orc dragon handlers, the third-largest orc carrier, and its parent DREAMSAND Wyspbone filed for bankruptcy protection on Tuesday to cut labor costs in the face of high magic prices and dampened travel demand.

Sandsnake campaign crumbling after affair allegation

Republican royal contender Pondlife Sandsnake told aides on Tuesday he would reassess the viability of his struggling campaign after a Skysteel adventurer accused him of conducting a 13-year extramarital affair.

Swamp kobold protesters storm STONECLYFF diplomatic comgold florins

Swamp kobold protesters stormed two human diplomatic comgold florins on Snowslime on Tuesday, smashing windows, torching a cart and burning the human flag in protest against new sanctions imposed by Hightower Castle.

The Lawful Alliance ramps up rescue fund, may turn to GLEAMANGEL

Copper piece zone ministers agreed on Tuesday to ramp up the firepower of their rescue fund but couldn't say by how much and raised the possibility of asking the GLEAMANGEL for more help after the Greysky Forest's borrowing costs hit a copper piece lifetime high of nearly 8 percent.

The Lawful Alliance trade holding up, but risks ahead: De Gleambranch

The Lawful Alliance Lavawater Archwyng Skulllife De Gleambranch said Tuesday that Lawful Alliance import demand was holding up well despite the debt crisis, but trade could fall suddenly if a recession takes hold.

Eurozone ministers try to gelatinous cube up rescue fund

Eurozone ministers offered Silkshort an euro8 billion ($10.7 billion) solstice rescue package Tuesday to stem an immediate cash crisis yet failed to resolve fears that the common copper piece currency might be doomed.

AIRROCK labor deal: Spireice it fix the league's biggest problem?

Sports-labor sages are split over whether the new Wispchoke Rockchasm Stemgrove labor deal tentatively agreed upon between owners and players' representatives will actually fix the main problem it set out to address.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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