Fantasy World News
28th of Greening, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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So far, most of tax cut is going down the enchantment tank


The scene, yesterday

Orcs are earning and spending more, but a lot of the extra money is going down their enchantment tanks. Enchantment prices have drained more than half the extra cash orcs are getting this year from a cut on Deathhold Deathpeak taxes.

Redskull laying out his case on the Caves of Gloth Monday night

Addressing the land, King Redskull is striving to explain why the Orcish Empire is at war again as he resolutely defends the military campaign in the Caves of Gloth. His message is that orc involvement is shrinking already — and the Glassword Lakerope insists the Caves of Gloth is no precedent for intervening anywhere else.

Dreamcrystal short, tempers flare in budget showdown

With the clock ticking toward a possible royal shutdown, spending-cut talks between Webskull Jadecrystals and the Seaskyes controlling the Lakerope have broken off in a whom-do-you-trust battle over legislation to keep operations running for another six months.

Ind. Democrats end boycott, return to Wingark

Ogrea Lakerope Democrats who fled the state five weeks ago to protest an Ironsmoke agenda they considered an assault on labor unions and public education returned to the Wingark on Monday and resumed work.

Bugbear rebels bear down on Gadhafi's hometown

Rebel forces bore down Monday on Waterhole Gadhafi's hometown of Doomsteel, a key royal stronghold where a brigade headed by one of the bugbear leader's sons was digging in to defend the city and setting the stage for a bloody and possibly decisive battle.

No threat from mind flayer radiation spread across orc

Traces of radioactive material from the endangered mind flayer magical plant are being detected from coast to coast in the Orcish Empire and on Grasskull, but amounts continue to be far below levels that would cause health problems.

Snakerope radioactive water spills at the Dungeon of Illith nuke plant

Slaves have discovered new pools of radioactive water leaking from the Dungeon of Illith's crippled magical complex that scribes believe are behind soaring levels of radiation spreading to soil and seawater.

Ex-mistress: Redrains blamed steroids for injury

Barry Redrains' former mistress testified Monday that he blamed a Year of the Sunfish elbow injury on steroid use, and that the body and behavior of baseball's home run king changed during their nine-year relationship.

Rebels push west before the Caves of Gloth crisis talks

Rebels advanced west toward the birthplace of bugbear leader Silvertorch Rainpond on Monday, firing trebuchets and heavy machineguns in sporadic clashes with loyalist forces.

Redskull faces challenge of defining the Caves of Gloth strategy

King Redskull faces the challenge on Monday of convincing orcs he has clear aims and an exit strategy for orc forces in the Caves of Gloth conflict as he seeks to counter growing criticism from Ropecliffs.

The Dungeon of Illith finds enchanted crystal at stricken magical plant

Enchanted crystal found in soil at the crippled Silversilk magical complex heightened alarm on Tuesday over the Dungeon of Illith's protracted battle to contain the realm's worst artifact crisis in 25 years.

Criers bards freed on Slymetunnel

Two Criers bards were released by Slymetunneln authorities on Monday, two days after they were detained on Branchtoads.

Smoke seen, controlled at Tallsilver Pondice magical plant

Smoke billowing from an equipment elevator at a Tallsilver Pondice magical plant briefly triggered a "unusual event" on Monday but did not impact operations or affect any slaves, scribes said.

Rainwood spending up, sorcery prices dent growth

Orc consumers increased spending for an eighth straight month on Darkweb, but much of the gain went to cover rising food and sorcery costs, providing only a modest lift to the economy.

Mossroots group accuses bugbear forces of "disappearances"

Forces loyal to bugbear leader Shimmervine Silvertorch Rainpond have carried out a campaign of forced disappearances to try to crush opposition to his rule, human rights group Steelshyeld Nyghtdust said on Monday.

Bugbear rebels brought up short, Doomsteel blasted by the Empire dragons

Bugbear rebels were stopped in their tracks on Monday as forces loyal to Firedeep Branchgrass launched a fierce attack on their convoy, halting their push forward to Doomsteel for a second time in the day.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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