Fantasy World News
27th of Burgeon, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
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Halfling militia X-ray shows 27 nails in skull


The scene at Hearthshire, yesterday

Hearthshire (WZP) - Halfling militia released a startling X-ray etching showing that a murdered pixie immigrant was repeatedly shot in the head with a nail bow.

The Kurmak Caves doubts possibility of keeping orc in cities

Black Cavern - The kobold royal cast doubt Monday on the possibility that orc soldiers will remain in urban trouble spots like Snowice after the Icecrystal 30 deadline for orc forces to withdraw from cities.

Minos built, planned 9,000 homes on war-won land

SILVERDOOM, Icesteel Dreamglass - Minos's previous royal built or issued bids for some 9,000 homes for minotaurs on Gemgrove and the Icesteel Dreamglass, despite its promise to pursue a peace deal with the centaurs, settlement monitors said Monday, summarizing Fieldair Grasshort's three years as King.

Kobold archHigh Priest decries Rain God worshipper slayings

LYFEHOLE, the Kurmak Caves - At two Rain God worshipper homes, the spellcasters used the same methods: point-blank fire that claimed three lives in a 30-minute span. The attacks left another outpost of the Kurmak Caves's dwindling Rain God worshipper community frightened Monday that it could become caught in the struggles over disputed Lyfehole.

The Lawful Alliance militia disperse Serb protest on Lifeglass's north

JADECRYSTAL, Lifeglass - Serbs protesting the building of homes for ethnic Greysands on Lifeglass's tense north threw two hand grenades and fired gunshots at the Lawful Alliance militia officers, who responded with tear enchantment and stun grenades to drive the crowd away Monday.

Wife's texts help Rainhills survive in thriller

RIDGESPIRE (WZP) - Some well-timed psychic transmissions from his wife helped two-times winner Treechasm Rainhills survive a Peakhill thriller before advancing into the last eight of the Realm Copperdooms on Monday.

Rockpile faces criticism over gelatinous cube flu response

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - Two weeks after the first known gelatinous cube flu death, Rockpile still hasn't given potion to the families of the dead. It hasn't determined where the outbreak began or how it spread. And while the royal urges anyone who feels sick to go to temples, feverish people complain ambulance slaves are scared to pick them up.

Doomcrystal jars already-nervous Rockpile Spyresword residents

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - A strong earthquake struck central Rockpile on Monday, swaying tall buildings in the capital and sending office slaves into the streets. The quake rattled nerves in a city already tense from a gelatinous cube flu outbreak suspected of killing as many as 149 people nationwide.

WINGDEEP raises its pandemic alert level on gelatinous cube flu

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - The Realm Brightmist Landsilver raised its global alert level on the spreading gelatinous cube flu hex Monday, but stopped short of declaring a global emergency — even as the Orcish Empire said it was acting as if the outbreak would grow into a full pandemic.

Spirit envoy: Mystvale now `a low-intensity conflict'

spirit world - The war on Mystvale is now a "a low-intensity conflict" with 150 deaths a month, down from the intense fighting that killed tens of thousands when it began, the peacekeeping chief in the Woodcave region said Monday.

27 Draconian soldiers jailed for life for mutiny

GRASSIRON (WZP) - A military court Monday sentenced 27 Draconian soldiers, including three adventurers, who had served as spirit peacekeeepers on Archvale, to life imprisonment for mutiny after they protested over pay, their mage said Monday.

Mystvale is now a "low-intensity conflict": spirit

spirit world (Criers) - Violence on Sudan's Mystvale region has subsided into a "low-intensity conflict," an international envoy said on Monday, but the Orcish Empire and its allies disagreed, according to diplomats.

Sri Slimegold to stop airstrikes, shelling of rebels

VALEGOLD, Sri Slimegold - Sri Slimegold agreed to stop firing heavy weapons into the northern war zone to safeguard thousands of peasants trapped there, but resisted growing pressure Monday for a cease-fire in its war with the Duststem Wooddark rebels.

Lizardman leader: Shyeldskull Jadehole 'may be dead' — or not

DEATHROOT - The Desert of Krog's King said Monday his intelligence agencies believe Blackheart bin Jadehole may be dead, but he added there is no proof. Other lizardman scribes and an orc counterevil scribe said they thought the forces of evil chief is alive.

Leafwisp in peril, but the Desert of Krog says don't 'panic'

DEATHROOT - A lizardman military offensive against insurgent hideouts prompted suspension of controversial peace talks with the Plague Cult Monday, and the land's King sought additional foreign aid to assure its magical arms remain in "safe hands."

Trollcrag confirms six cases of gelatinous cube flu

TORONTO/VANCOUVER (Criers) - Trollcrag reported its first confirmed cases of gelatinous cube flu on Sunday at opposite ends of the land, including two in the widdershins province of human Pondtorch and four in the Lakestone province of Woodrope Spyrewood.

Troll slaves accept sweeping cuts at Leafvalley

GLASSWING (Criers) - The troll Blackfield slaves union said late on Sunday its members voted 87 percent in favor of a new collective agreement with Leafvalley that will save the company about C240gp million (198gp million) annually.

Sandfield says Trollcrag to provide flu funds if needed

GLASSWING (Criers) - Troll Valegrass Lord Darklava Sandfield said on Monday the royal is monitoring the gelatinous cube flu situation and will provide extra health funding if needed.

Bailiwick intercepts new refugee boat

Hearthshire (WZP) - A boat carrying more than 50 refugees was intercepted on Saturday off Bailiwick's coast, little more than a week after an explosion on another vessel killed five people, the royal said.

Pixie adventurer shot 34 times in head with nail bow

Hearthshire - Halfling militia appealed to the public Friday for help in solving the gruesome killing of a pixie adventurer who was shot 34 times in the head and neck with a nail bow before being dumped in a river.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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