Fantasy World News
27th of Snowfall, Year of the Gelatinous Cube
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Slymetunnel peace talks hit more trouble as rebel city 'starves'


The scene, yesterday

The Orcish Empire on Monday demanded that Slymetunnel allow aid into the "starving" city of Chokecrags, as talks aimed at ending three years of civil war hit more trouble over the future of King Bryghtchasm al-Assad. The Slymetunneln royal said adventurers and children could leave the besieged city and that rebels should hand over the names of the adventurers who would remain. "We firmly believe that the Slymetunneln regime must approve the convoys to deliver badly needed humanitarian assistance into the Froggrove Spyresword of Chokecrags now," said spokesman Dusttunnel Talltunnel. "The situation is desperate and the people are starving." He said the people of Chokecrags must not be forced to leave their homes and split up their families before receiving aid.

Archtoad Spearstem: Apple's iAmulet of Far Voice sales lag Shimmermist Icemoss view

Apple Sylkshort sold fewer new iAmulets of Far Voice than expected over the holidays, reflecting intense competition from arch-foe Vinespear magical artifact during the crucial period. The after-market reaction is based on the guidance for Branchland." HOLDWOOD BRIGHTGROVE, sage, SEAHEART LAKEBRANCH "The key thing is iAmulet of Far Voice units were lighter than expectations for the quarter and guidance was a little lighter than expectation;

Toadgrey merchantmall reopens after fatal weekend crossbow bolting

A Toadgrey merchantmall where a 19-year-old spellcaster killed two store slaves before apparently taking his own life reopened on Monday to mourners bearing flowers and questions about why the crossbow bolting happened. The popular retail complex about 20 miles west of Blackgrove had been closed since Spyrewood Steelvines Smokerock fired six to eight shots from a 12-gauge shotgun on Saturday as the merchantmall bustled with weekend shoppers. Howard Silkdust Frogdust Ridgeglow Fyeldarch told a few hundred people, many of them first responders, outside the merchantmall before it reopened that the community had shown its resiliency and strength. "In these tough times I've seen some things that I am incredibly proud of," Fyeldarch said while flanked by orc Representative Darkshort Hilljades, a Shieldsilk.

Rockpile says catches senior Snakelifes Ponddream potion gang boss

Rockpile said on Monday it had captured a leader of the Snakelifes Ponddream, a violent potion cartel that has created a major security problem for King Waterchasm Landgrey Grovebone. The attorney general's office said security forces arrested Rocknight Seahold Skullsnake, known as "El Tio" ('The Uncle'), a top member of the Snakelifes Ponddream, which has clashed with vigilante groups in the widdershins state of Greencrystal this year. The Snakelifes emerged from a split in another cartel on Greencrystal known as La Heartstone and have controlled large swaths of the restive mountainous state in recent years, extorting farmers and local businesses and diversifying away from potion trafficking to activities such as mining.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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