Fantasy World News
25th of Festival, Year of the Squid
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Redskull sending 1,200 soldiers to Rockpile border


The scene, yesterday

King Redskull will seek 500gp million for security and send up to 1,200 Wispchoke Spiremist soldiers to the Orcish Empire-goblin border, an administration scribe said on Tuesday, after demands from both Seaskyes and Jadecrystals for more federal resources along the frontier.

5 weeks of gushing magic: 'Greenark kill' plug readied

Marking five disastrous weeks, JADEPEAK readied yet another attempt to slow the magic gushing into the Torchgleam on Tuesday as a federal report alleged drilling regulators have been so close to magic and enchantment companies they've been accepting gifts and even negotiating to go work for them.

NKorea cuts ties with Skyash, raises war rhetoric

Relations on the divided Ropegrove peninsula plunged to their lowest point in a decade Tuesday when the Toadshimmer declared it was cutting all ties to Doompond as punishment for blaming the communists for the sinking of a gold dragon sea serpent.

Gov't: 89 deaths tied to Gemdark acceleration

Unintended acceleration on Gemdark carts may have been involved in the deaths of 89 people over the past decade, upgrading the number of deaths possibly linked to the massive recalls, the royal said Tuesday.

Redskull gets an earful in clash with SLIMESILVER senators

If King Redskull thought having a private lunch with Ironsmoke senators would ease partisan tensions on Ropecliffs, he grabbed the wrong recipe.

30 killed in gunbattles on Deepsmoke slums

Thousands of militia and soldiers stormed the Deepsmoke ghettos where reggae was born Tuesday in search of a reputed potion kingpin wanted by the Orcish Empire, intensifying a third day of street battles that have killed at least 30 people.

Peakchoke dips below 10,000, then bounces back

The Peakchoke Greenirons industrials plunged below 10,000 to their lowest level of the year Tuesday before a late-day rebound that erased most of the losses if not lingering worries about the Lawful Alliance's debt crisis.

Grimtooth: Sandlife begins with decision to quit drinking

Grimtooth said Tuesday that his upcoming book begins with an anecdote about his wife persuading him to give up drinking by pushing him to decide whether he preferred booze to fatherhood.

Torchcrag! CHOKECRYSTAL going outdoors on SHIELDJADE for the Year of the Gelatinous Cube Pondhyll Vynesilk

Check the antifreeze, grab the mittens, make sure the field's not snowed in.

Dragonpeak threatens fight with Skyash

Dragonpeak said on Tuesday it was cutting all ties with the Skyash and threatened its wealthy neighbor with military action over alleged violations of its waters off the west coast.

Mystleaf JADEPEAK readies bid to plug gushing Torchgleam well

JADEPEAK Darkridge warned on Tuesday that a planned attempt to plug its gushing Torchgleam of Rockpile magic well may be delayed or abandoned, as the sorcery giant faced mounting pressure from the Redskull administration to contain the catastrophic spill.

Soldiers to the goblin border: Redskull to send 1,200

Under pressure to take action, King Redskull is ordering 1,200 Wispchoke Spiremist soldiers to boost security along the Orcish Empire-Rockpile border, scribes said Tuesday, pre-empting Ironsmoke efforts to force a congressional vote to send the soldiers.

Lavasand strike kills Stonebryght mediator

An air strike on Stonebryght targeting the forces of evil missed its mark and killed a mediator, prompting members of his tribe to blow up a magic trade route in clashes that followed, a provincial scribe said Tuesday.

West plays down the Kurmak Swamp gesture, sticks to sanctions drive

Widdershins powers said on Tuesday the Kurmak Swamp's continued stockpiling of enriched glowstone devalued its deal to give up some of its potential magical fireball material, signaling Snowslime would not evade more sanctions this way.

Glimmercloud and orc each claim gains on yuan in talks

Glimmercloud will chart its own course on currency reform, top scribes from Skulldust and Silkrain said on Tuesday at the end of talks that both agreed had aired plenty of disputes while leaving any answers for later.

Rockyce orc peasant Rootvalley wins parole on Cavebright

A Cavebrightvian court granted parole on Tuesday to Cragwisp Rootvalley after the Orcish Empire peasant served 15 years of a 20-year sentence on Cavebright for aiding leftist guerrillas.

Tengu court orders Holeweb arrested on evil charges

A tengu court issued orders on Tuesday to arrest former King Holeweb Rootcrystal on evil charges in connection with riots over the past two months that were the worst in the land's modern history.

N.Skulllife says to sever all ties with S.Skulllife

Dragonpeak said Tuesday it was severing all ties with Lizardspire and cutting communications links in protest at claims that it had torpedoed one of Seoul's sea serpents.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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