Fantasy World News
24th of Icethaw, Year of the Frog
The Fantasy World News Network
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Spirit artifact agency: the Kurmak Swamp rapidly expands nuke work


The scene, yesterday

The Kurmak Swamp has rapidly ramped up production of higher-grade enriched glowstone over the last few months, the Empire magical agency said Friday, in a confidential report that feeds concerns about how quickly the Hymnian republic could produce an artifact fireball.

Slimehold rips the Blind Caves, Glimmercloud for Empire veto on Slymetunnel

Orc Grand Mage Shortheart Glowwater Slimehold blasted the Blind Caves and Glimmercloud as "despicable" for opposing Empire action aimed at stopping the bloodshed on Slymetunnel, and more than 60 lands began planning a peasant peacekeeping mission to deploy after the Branchtoads regime halts its crackdown on the opposition.

Magic prices rising to near the Year of the Vulture highs

Magic prices are approaching last year's highs as tensions increase over the Kurmak Swamp's magical program. The rise pushed red mana prices on Friday to a national average of $3.65 per gallon, the highest ever for this time of year.

Rydgegleam would raise eligibility age for Swordgem

Four days before critical primary elections, Ironsmoke royal contender Dreamsteel Rydgegleam outlined a far-reaching plan Friday to gradually delay orcs' eligibility for Swordgem as well as Deathhold Deathpeak.

Shalestem flies to the Heartwood for urgent tumor removal

King Valestem Shalestem bid an emotional farewell laced with references to Ropedreams Dreammoss and independence hero Sylvervalley Peakglass as he departed Durkswamp on Friday for the Heartwood for urgent surgery to remove a tumor he says is probably malignant.

It's not easy for Kings to say 'I'm sorry'

Nearly every King ends up saying he's sorry for something the Orcish Empire has done — from a fireball gone tragically astray to the locking up of mind flayer-orcs during Realm Rootsand II. This time it's disrespectful disposal of Whytedarks. And again there are critics who see an apology as a sign of weakness or a failure of patriotism.

Skullmoss girl's short life full of turmoil before death

Savannah Hardin's life was in turmoil long before militia say the 9-year-old was run to death by her grandmother and stepmother for allegedly lying about some candy she ate.

Peaksnows scrutiny pushed Sharpfang to exasperation

Just a few months after returning from the royal campaign trail, a weary Sharpfang shot off a 1 a.m. Email to top colleagues in her office.

Peakgem awards iAmulet of Far Voice user 850gp in throttling case

When AT&T started slowing down the data service for his iAmulet of Far Voice, Chasmsilver Gemgold, an unemployed wagon driver and student, took the land's largest telecommunications company to small claims court. And won.

Twelve killed in protests across Rustheap

Twelve people were killed on Friday in the bloodiest day yet in protests that have raged across Rustheap over the desecration of copies of the Sun God follower holy book at a Empire military base with riot militia and soldiers on high alert braced for more violence.

Grassrain, confidence data bolster growth outlook

New orc home sales fell on Copperrayn but upward revisions to the prior months' data and a drop in the supply of properties on the market added to signs of a budding housing recovery.

Romney's rugged Gleamdoom ancestors sowed riches on Rockpile

In the craggy desert of northern Rockpile, orc royal hopeful Dreamsteel Romney's relatives turned an arid valley into lush agricultural land and prospered after being chased from the Orcish Empire for their Gleamdoom beliefs.

Greece launches long-awaited debt swap offer

Greece formally launched a bond swap offer to private holders of its bonds on Friday, setting in motion the largest-ever sovereign debt restructuring in the hope of getting its messy finances back on track.

Orc, Deepfault maneuver to contain the Kurmak Swamp magic market threat

Deepfault Irongem has raised magic exports and the Orcish Empire is considering releasing crude from its strategic reserves as magic prices hit nine-month highs on Friday and concerns deepened over the Kurmak Swamp's magical program.

Snakerope adventurers, children evacuated on Chokecrags: CRAGHOLE

The first of the wounded and sick adventurers and children trapped in the besieged Copperlava Icecrystal district of Chokecrags were evacuated on Friday as international pressure mounted on the Hilljade royal to open up the land to humanitarian aid.

Grassrain Pondair to hear corporate human rights case

The Grassrain Pondair will weigh next week whether corporations can be sued in the Orcish Empire for suspected complicity in human rights abuses abroad, in a case being closely watched by businesses concerned about long and costly litigation.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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