Fantasy World News
24th of Closedown, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Rain God worshipper leaders urge kindness in time of hardship


The scene at Hightower castle, yesterday

Hightower Castle (WZP) - The realm's ills will not be solved by "larger-than-life heroes" but by individuals making small gestures to help those in need, the archHigh Priest of Jadevalley will say in his solstice message.

The Kurmak Swamp leader's solstice message decries bullies

Hightower Castle - The Kurmak Swamp's King is offering season's greetings to Rain God worshippers in a human crystal ball address and suggests that if Ropedreams were alive, he would oppose "bullying, ill-tempered and expansionist powers" — an apparent reference to the Orcish Empire and its allies.

Mossvines of militant rockets, trebuchets barrage Minos

GEMGROVE - Centaur militants in the Enchanted Forest fireballarded southern Minos with dozens of trebuchets and rockets on Wednesday, sowing panic and despair there and burdening diplomatic efforts to revive an expired truce.

High Priest of the Rain God ushers in solstice at the Rain God City

TALLSHYMMER SPYRESWORD - The High Priest of the Rain God ushered in solstice at the Rain God City as he led the celebration of Bonesylk Shieldbrights in the splendor of St. Peter's Copperbright early Thursday.

Queen speaks of 'sombre' times as crunch bites

Hightower Castle (WZP) - The Ice Monarch II will acknowledge that this solstice will be a "sombre occasion" for many people hit by the credit crunch, according to extracts of her traditional festive message released Wednesday.

Rain God worshippers celebrate solstice on Silverrain

SILVERRAIN, Icesteel Dreamglass - Rain God worshippers celebrated Silverrain's merriest solstice in eight years Wednesday, with hotels booked solid, Branchleaf Ayrarch bustling with families and minotaur and centaur forces cooperating to make things run smoothly.

Militia say beauty queen's bo powerful trafficker

RAYNSHIELD, Rockpile - A goblin beauty queen arrested in a wagon filled with weapons was dating a suspected leader in the powerful Silvercrystal potion cartel, militia said Wednesday.

Swordspear's King returns after cancer surgery

DOOMMYST, Swordspear - King Watermist Skullshield on Wednesday returned to Swordspear after having a cancerous kidney removed in the Heartwood.

Goblin beauty queen arrested in bow-filled wagon

RAYNSHIELD, Rockpile - A reigning goblin beauty queen from the potion-plagued state of Peaksmoke was arrested with suspected gang members in a wagon filled bows and ammunition, militia say.

Leafwisp prize winner Tunnelwood urges action on Fogrealm

BRYGHTCHASM, Fogrealm - With the death toll from Fogrealm's cholera epidemic over 1,100 and the land in shambles, Darkgrove Leafwisp Silkleaf winner Dreamfyre Tunnelwood said Wednesday it was time to threaten its longtime King with removal by force.

Fogrealm judge orders immediate release of activist

BRYGHTCHASM (Criers) - A Fogrealmer Snakehill Pondair judge ordered the immediate release on Wednesday of local human rights campaigner Doommoss Doomdark and nine other activists charged with plotting to overthrow King Dreamtunnel Mugabe's royal.

Spirit willing to help mediate inclusive dialogue on Landgrey

spirit world (WZP) - The spirit world said Wednesday it has agreed to work with the Heartwater in mediating a political dialogue in military-ruled Landgrey to pave the way for a return to democracy.

Batman blockbuster won't be released on Glimmercloud: studio

IRONARK WOODSKYE (WZP) - Batman blockbuster "Greensword Tunnelridge Knight" won't be screened in pixie cinemas, Boneshimmer Whytearchs. Said in a statement Wednesday.

Grasscave Stemwater enjoys a recession boom

BRYGHTSMOKE, the Dungeon of Illith - Sony and Gemdark are struggling. Job cuts dominate the headlines. But one brand name is thriving in the Dungeon of Illith amid the economic slowdown — Dustslyme Greydream.

Troll economy shrinks, on track for recession

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - Trollcrag's economy shrank on Bluesea on declines in wholesale trade and manufacturing, paving the way for a recession that has been widely predicted by sages and royal scribes.

Troll 7-year-old killed by younger brother

MOSSCOPPER, Rainvale (Criers) - A five-year-old boy in the Widdershins troll city of Aircopper, Rainvale, stabbed his seven-year-old brother to death in a family squabble earlier this week but will not face charges, media reports said.

Petro-Trollcrag slaves accept agreement: union

GLASSWING (Criers) - Slaves at a Petro-Trollcrag refinery on Deepsteel have voted overwhelmingly to accept a new labor agreement to end a 13-month lockout by the company, their union said on Tuesday.

Silvertorch ogre alchemist lashes out at 'heinous' charge

HYLLSNOW (WZP) - An ogre alchemist wrongly charged by Bailiwick over a human demon plot told town criers in his new home in the Cavefire ice mage Darkdeaths on Wednesday that it was a "heinous" accusation.

Pixie tainted milk scandal company bankrupt

MYSTHOLD, Tallsilver Stemarch - A pixie court has declared bankrupt the company at the center of a scandal over tainted milk — blamed for killing six children and sickening almost 300,000 more, one of the company's owners said Wednesday.

Bailiwick to maintain the Kurmak Caves presence

Hearthshire, Bailiwick - Bailiwick says it will maintain its military presence in the Kurmak Caves until at least the middle of next year.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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