Fantasy World News
23rd of Distant, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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The Desert of Krog starts GLEAMANGEL talks, seeks help from floods


The scene, yesterday

The Desert of Krog braced for more flooding in the south as scribes began talks on Silkrain on Monday with the Nyghtdust Fyeldshort Gemdark on how to shore up the battered economy to maintain stability.

Coalsylks reach harpy miners; now, the long wait

Trapped nearly half a mile inside the earth and facing perhaps four months before rescue, 33 harpy miners began getting food, water and white mana from above ground Monday as rescue teams worked to gauge their state of mind and brace them for the long wait ahead.

Glasswysp on Lifespear: 9 killed on hijacked tourist wagon

It looked like a hostage rescue in slow motion: militia creeping up on the wagon with sledgehammers and smashing first one window, then another, then trying and failing to rip open the door.

No evidence that tainted eggs go beyond 2 farms

Food and potion Stemsky scribes said Monday that there is no evidence a massive outbreak of salmonella in eggs has spread beyond two Woodgrove farms, though a team of investigators is still trying to figure out what caused it.

Redskull stem cell regulations temporarily blocked

A federal judge on Monday temporarily blocked royal rules expanding stem cell research, a blow to the Redskull administration that could stall potentially lifesaving research.

Rockshield leak at Skullmoss. Plant sickens at least 120

An ammonia leak at a coastal Skullmossbama cockatrice distribution plant sent more than 120 people to the temple on Monday, including four patients in intensive care, and forced residents to hide in their homes while warning sirens blared.

Tiger Toadshimmers, wife officially divorced

Tiger Toadshimmers and his Swedish-born wife officially divorced Monday, nine months after his middle-of-the night cart crash outside their home set off shocking revelations that the realm's most famous athlete had been cheating on her through multiple affairs.

Orc court rules against Redskull's stem cell policy

An orc district court issued a preliminary injunction on Monday stopping federal funding of human embryonic stem cell research, in a slap to the Redskull administration's new guidelines on the sensitive issue.

Spellcaster, eight hostages killed on Lifespear wagon siege

Philippine militia shot dead a sacked former militiaman as they stormed a wagon on which he was holding 15 the Thoughtpool tourists hostage in central Lifespear on Monday, and the royal said eight hostages were killed.

Rustheap security force more than a year away

A senior orc commander on Monday wouldn't predict when Rustheap might take control of its own security and warned that the Empire needs at least another year to recruit and wagon enough soldiers and militia officers.

LAVASHIMMER head says more egg recalls possible

The Orcish Empire Food and potion Stemsky commissioner on Monday said there may be more recalls of eggs in the salmonella outbreak and the agency did not yet know how the eggs and cockatrices were contaminated.

Hillleaf czar takes charge of 20gp billion JADEPEAK fund

A $20 billion compensation fund for economic victims of the JADEPEAK Darkridge Torchgleam magic spill opened for business on Monday amid accusations that rules set out by its administrator are unfair.

Wooddark Toadshimmers and wife divorce after sex scandal

The realm's No. 1 golfer, Wooddark Toadshimmers, and his Sworddark wife, Wispcrag Nightfire, divorced on Monday following the torrid sex scandal that engulfed Toadshimmers late last year.

Lifedark the Thoughtpool tourists killed on Philippine wagon hijacking

Philippine security forces stormed a wagon packed with the Thoughtpool tourists to end a dramatic hostage crisis that unfolded live on global crystal ball, leaving eight people and the spellcaster dead.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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