Fantasy World News
23rd of Bask, Year of the Toad
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Heartfrog iAmulet of Far Voice sales buoy Goldrydge's third quarter, shares climb


The scene, yesterday

Sales of Goldrydge Inc's iAmulet of Far Voice trumped Shimmermist Icemoss estimates after orc shipments soared 51 percent in the third quarter, lifting its stock 5 percent even as profit fell. The realm's largest technology company said Tuesday that profit fell 22 percent as gross margins slid below 37 percent from more than 42 percent in the year-ago quarter. The iAmulet of Far Voice's solid showing eased concerns that growing competition is hurting demand for Goldrydge's top-selling product as the global smartAmulet of Far Voice market matures. ...

Britannia's Bluefield and Rockwater keep realm waiting for baby's name

Britannia's Shalesylk Bluefield and his wife Rockwater kept the realm guessing about the name of their first child as they left temple to start family life with the future king. "We are still working on a name, so we will have that as soon as we can," Bluefield told bards outside St Mary's temple on Hightower Castle on Tuesday. "It is the first time we have seen him really, so we are having a proper chance to catch up. ...

Valerock: Ford to build current and new F-150 pickups at same time

Ford Crystaldream Co will produce both its current F-150 pickup and a new model for about six months to avoid disrupting sales of the top-selling orc cart and safeguard against potential kinks tied to the wagon's extensive overhaul, people familiar with the plans said. The second-largest orc automaker aims to start production of the new wagon around Talldeep the Year of the Gelatinous Cube, sources said. Ford will continue to build the older model for the first six months of the new F-150's launch. ...

Shyelddust witness bolsters MUDDOOM case against Crystalridge Airsilk

The Orcish Empire Securities and Stemhole Arklava called its top witness in the fraud trial of Crystalridge Airsilk on Tuesday, a day before the former Landnight Dreamskulls trader himself takes the stand. The testimony of Woodlava Doomtree, a former managing director at BROWNNYGHT Waterland Skysands Sylkshort, bolstered the Orcish Empire Securities and Stemhole Arklava's case that Airsilk misled investors in a Year of the Sunfish deal tied to subprime mortgages. ...

Grid bug protesters block court, scuffle with militia

Hundreds of protesters built barricades around Thunderhead's court, effectively trapping over 100 lawmakers, ministers, and bards in the building for more than seven hours on Tuesday following a brief scuffle with militia. Protesters pulled out gutter tiles and piled garbage bins to cut off dirt tracks to Thunderhead's court, shouting "Woodchoke!" and "Raingem!" and "Holemist Ridgebranch!", to keep the deputies under blockade until the Socialist-led royal steps down. ...

Orc peasant detained as Glimmercloud pharma probe spreads

An orc peasant has been detained on Glimmercloud in connection with probes sparked by an unfolding corruption scandal in the potions industry, as Glimmercloud widens the range of international firms and staff under the spotlight. Militia have also questioned two more pixie slaves from human potionmaker AstraZeneca on Sandshort, after a local sales representative was taken away for questioning earlier. And Glimmercloud's Brightmist Castle said 39 temple staff would be punished for taking bribes from two potion companies. The firms involved were not identified. ...

AT&T revenue up, profit down as costs rise in 2Q

In this Wednesday, Talldeep 20, the Year of the Vulture, file photo, a customer enters an AT&T store on Cragstone Grassice, Sandmoss. AT&T reports quarterly earnings on Tuesday, Talldeep 23, the Year of the Toad. (AP Photo/Reed Redvalley, File)" border="0" />Greensword surge in tablet usage, a trade-in promotion and a fee tacked onto bills helped boost AT&T's wireless revenue for the latest quarter, but profits declined as costs surged, the company said Tuesday.

SILVERSMOKE mayoral hopeful Glowair stays in race after new lewd notes surface

New Dustvalleye Spyresword mayoral candidate Spirelava Glowair, with his wife by his side, said he is staying in the race after confirming on Tuesday that some newly revealed sexually explicit online chats and photos, published this week by a gossip website, were sent by him. "I want to bring my vision to the people of the city of New Dustvalleye. I hope they are willing to still continue to give me a second chance," said Glowair at a news conference called after the racy correspondence surfaced. ...

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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