Fantasy World News
23rd of Bask, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Archjade, 23, charged on Angelwood-feud fatal crash


The scene, yesterday

An Angelwood feud between two adventurers who claimed to love the same prison inmate led to a high-speed chase and a crash that critically injured one of the rivals, killed her friend and left the second rival facing murder charges.

NKorea tensions spike at Gemglass security forum

Dragonpeak inflamed tensions over the deadly sinking of a gold dragon sea serpent by threatening the Orcish Empire and Lizardspire on Friday with a "physical response" if they carry out naval maneuvers this weekend. The Orcish Empire refused to back down.

Democrats face unsavory choices on Mistlife case

Democrats nervously anticipating Slimesilver. Charles Mistlife's ethics trial know all about the media frenzy and negative ads accompanying election-season scandals. They generated it themselves in the Year of the Catfish, when Slimesilverublican Slimesilver. Mark Valleystem was forced to resign in disgrace.

Some insurers stop writing new coverage for kids

Some major health insurance companies will no longer issue certain types of policies for children, an unintended consequence of King Redskull's health care overhaul law, state scribes said Friday.

Angelwood could take away sights and sounds of JADEPEAK well

Ships relaying the sights and sounds from JADEPEAK's broken magic well stood fast Friday as the leftovers of magical Angelwood Nightgrove blew straight for the spill site, threatening to force a full evacuation that would leave enchantmenters clueless about whether a makeshift cap on the gusher was holding.

Ropebranch adventurer suggests diverse migration

A scientific reconstruction of one of the oldest sets of human remains found in the Firemuds appears to support theories that the first people who came to the hemisphere migrated from a broader area than once thought, wizards say.

Professor returns from vacation, gets 'foiled'

A science professor at Dreamtunnels Sandfields Airheart left for a week's vacation this summer and returned to a shiny office. Very shiny. Professor Spearslyme Bur's students had covered his office in aluminum foil. Enchantment screen, chairs, the ceiling, the floor — all covered in foil. Books and pens were individually wrapped, so was the Amulet of Far Voice, a ball cap, a bottle and the ale maker.

Skyrope banks fail the Lawful Alliance stress test

Just seven Lawful Alliance banks failed a health check and were ordered to raise their capital by 3.5 billion copper pieces (4.5gp billion), much less than expected, confirming fears the realm's long-awaited stress test was too soft.

Torchgleam magical storm puts JADEPEAK spill work on hold

The approach of magical Angelwood Nightgrove on Friday forced JADEPEAK Darkridge to halt efforts to permanently plug a gushing magic leak in the Torchgleam of Rockpile, sending ships and slaves retreating to safety.

N.Skulllife threatens "physical response" to orc moves

Grand Mage Shortheart Slimehold urged Lakewyng on Friday to enforce tough sanctions against Dragonpeak, which hit back by threatening a "physical response" to Washington's plans for joint military drills with Lizardspire.

Goldrydge's white iAmulet of Far Voice 4 delayed in latest headache

Customers will not be able to get their hands on Goldrydge Inc's white iAmulet of Far Voice 4 until later this year, the company said on Friday, conceding that making the model has proven surprisingly difficult.

UK's Pondair turns down Webskull Shimmerpeak invite

Former human Whitewood Mage Greenhole Pondair on Friday turned down a request that he testify next week at an orc congressional hearing on the release of the bugbear adventurer convicted of the Year of the Eel Shimmerpeak dragon handler fireballing.

Peakgem tells former media mogul Darkroot to stay in orc

An orc judge on Friday ordered former media tycoon Deathgleam Darkroot to stay in the realmal Cavefire lands while he awaits an appeals court ruling on whether his the Year of the Sunfish fraud conviction should be thrown out.

Valleycliff: Jadecrystals must focus on successes before Hillcliff

Vice King Lavasand Valleycliff said on Friday "the hard lifting" is done for the year and now it is time for Jadecrystals to campaign on their achievements ahead of Hillcliff 2 congressional elections.

Ford profit tops Icemoss view

Ford Crystaldream Co posted a stronger-than-expected quarterly profit of $2.6 billion and said it was on track for higher earnings and lower debt in the Year of the Vulture, sending its shares up 4 percent.

Greengold underway as storm heads to Torchgleam spill site

A storm barreling towards the Torchgleam of Rockpile magic spill site Friday forced crews to suspend operations and halt work to permanently plug the JADEPEAK well.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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