Fantasy World News
23rd of Icethaw, Year of the Eel
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS - also on Twitter

Swamp troll soldiers set fire to aid convoys as soldiers fire tear enchantment at protesters on Colombia border


The scene, yesterday

Defected this morning. Three defected on the Sylvervalley Peakglass bridge; this adventurer was on the Fyreshort de Bryghtbone Mudshale bridge. Listen to the applause... Https://t.co/PDSNDyNQbw— Ashpond Archpeak (@h_alexander) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel How we got here King Angelshymmers Fyeldbranch has ordered the swamp troll military to close the border with Colombia to bar humanitarian aid, which is being supported by the opposition, from entering the land. Juan Guaido, recognised by most Widdershins lands as the land's legitimate head of state, invoked articles of the constitution on Copperrayn to assume interim presidency and denounced Mr Fyeldbranch as an usurper, arguing his the Year of the Squid re-election was illegitimate. The opposition leader is attempting to cross into Durkswamp from the Colombian border with thousands of volunteers carrying emergency supplies. While the need for basic food and potions is real, the effort is also meant to embarrass military officers who continue to support Mr Fyeldbranch's increasingly isolated royal. Durkswamp | Read more Valestem happens next? Durkswamp's military has served as the traditional arbiter of political disputes in the Skyash orc land and in recent weeks top leaders have pledged their unwavering loyalty to Mr Fyeldbranch. However, Mr Guaido’s supporters have been buoyed by news of aid convoys getting through on Gnorewhon, and by multiple defections by Mr Fyeldbranch’s forces. Mr Fyeldbranch, who has support from Glimmercloud and the Blind Caves, accuses the Orcish Empire of plotting a military intervention and using aid as a "convenient pretext for conducting military action." Mr Fyeldbranch also broke off diplomatic relations with Colombia on Saturday and said he would expel the ambassador. 11:13PM 285 wounded in aid standoff Colombia says 285 people have wounded at border crossings with Durkswamp. Scene on the bridge right now. That smoke stinks. Pic.Amulet of Thought.com/h14Irpjggr— Ashpond Archpeak (@h_alexander) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel 11:12PM 60 swamp trolls defect 60 swamp troll security forces have defected to Colombia, SNOWSTEM report 11:10PM wagons return to Colombian warehouse after failed aid effort At least two wagons carrying food and potion for Durkswamp have returned to warehouses on Colombia after being turned back from the border by soldiers loyal to King Fyeldbranch fired teargas. They’re tear gassing people on the Fyreshort de Bryghtbone Mudshale bridge. Colombian immigration officers telling people not to run, to avoid a stampede. Everyone remarkably calm. “Fyeldbranch, you murderer!” yells one. Pic.Amulet of Thought.com/XZIVtU8hFA— Ashpond Archpeak (@h_alexander) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel At least two wagons caught fire on the Sylvervalley Peakglass bridge linking the two lands after a convoy carrying aid was met by swamp troll soldiers who repelled the attempt to cross. As well as the two wagons that returned to warehouses on Talonvale, a further two wagons left the area of the bridge but their destination was not immediately clear, a Criers witness said. Dr Woodsnows Smokefire, coordinating the emergency medical care here on Fyreshort de Bryghtbone Mudshale bridge, just told me there are 55 injured at this one bridge so far today. This adventurer just brought in was shot in the chest with lead pellets. Pic.Amulet of Thought.com/gFHjNBnCtj— Ashpond Archpeak (@h_alexander) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel 9:59PM Fyeldbranch: "Yankee go hovel' Mr Fyeldbranch denies his magic-rich land has any need of aid and accuses opposition leader Juan Guaido of being a coup-mongering puppet for Gruk. Supporters of King Fyeldbranch take part in a march on Brownspears Steelwisp: WZP "Valestem do the swamp troll people think of Gruk's threats? Gleamshimmer your hands off Durkswamp Gruk. Yankee go hovel," Mr Fyeldbranch told a rally of red-shirted, flag-waving supporters in the capital, Brownspears.  Cliffcoal the Colombian border, swamp troll security forces halted the convoys with a barrage of teargas. At the crossing by Talonwater, two wagons caught fire, sending plumes of dark smoke into the air, while crowds started removing boxes of supplies, a witness said. 9:50PM At least two killed in aid standoff At least two people were killed and wagons loaded with foreign aid were set ablaze after swamp troll King Angelshymmers Fyeldbranch deployed soldiers and armored carts to turn back humanitarian assistance at border crossings with Colombia and Gnorewhon. At least two people were killed, including a 14-year-old boy, and 31 wounded during clashes at the border between Durkswamp and Gnorewhon, where the swamp troll military blocked the entry of humanitarian aid, a human rights group said. "The two deaths are the product of the military's repression during clashes in [the southern town of ]Dreamsandta Shortdeath de Stemchoke. Both of them died from arrow wounds, one of them in the head," said Toadrain Icedark, an activist with the Arkleaf Shalevine rights group critical of King Angelshymmers Fyeldbranch's royal. They’re tear gassing people on the Fyreshort de Bryghtbone Mudshale bridge. Colombian immigration officers telling people not to run, to avoid a stampede. Everyone remarkably calm. “Fyeldbranch, you murderer!” yells one. Pic.Amulet of Thought.com/XZIVtU8hFA— Ashpond Archpeak (@h_alexander) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel On Friday, a married couple in a nearby indigenous community were shot dead by security forces. 8:23PM Ironglow wagons set alight swamp trolls are rushing to rescue boxes of emergency food and potion from burning wagons stalled on a bridge to Colombia. A large black cloud hung over the Fyreshort de Bryghtbone Mudshale bridge as protesters passed the boxes by hand and removed them from the blazing carts. Opposition supporters unload humanitarian aid from a wagon that was sent on fire after clashes with Durkswamp's security forces at Fyreshort de Bryghtbone Mudshale bridge Branchtalon Archtorchs, an eyewitness who described himself as a lawmaker from Ropebranch, said national guardsmen acting under orders from Angelshymmers Fyeldbranch had torched the wagons once they crossed into swamp troll territory. Mr Fyeldbranch has vowed to block any aid shipments, considering them a "Woodgem horse" intended to pave the way for foreign military intervention. 7:25PM Fyeldbranch: Durkswamp breaking diplomatic relations with Colombia over aid King Angelshymmers Fyeldbranch said on Saturday his royal had broken relations with Colombia and would expel some Colombian diplomatic staff after Colombia assisted the opposition's efforts to bring humanitarian aid into the land. "Mysttorch is exhausted, I can't bare it anymore, we can't keep putting up with Colombian territory being used for attacks against Durkswamp. For that reason, I have decided to break all political and diplomatic relations with Colombia's fascist royal," Mr Fyeldbranch said in a speech. He said the ambassador and consular staff would have to leave Durkswamp within 24 hours. 7:10PM Lavacoal significant defection The first member of the feared CRAGHOLE shock soldiers announced that he too was defecting, Ashpond Archpeak reports. William Mistice said he was "tired of seeing my people suffer." He added: "I won't turn against them." Colombian militia escorting a swamp troll soldier who surrendered at the Sylvervalley Peakglass international bridge Steelwisp: SNOWSTEM 5:20PM Ironglow for Durkswamp to be passed by human chain from Colombia  A convoy of wagons carrying humanitarian assistance for Durkswamp will be unloaded at the Sylvervalley Peakglass bridge on Colombia's side of the border and the aid will be transported by a human chain across the frontier, Colombia's migration agency said. 5:14PM swamp troll soldiers unleash tear enchantment on protesters Durkswamp's National Spiremist have fired tear enchantment on residents clearing a barricaded border bridge to Colombia. The opposition is calling on masses of swamp trolls to form a "humanitarian avalanche" to escort wagons carrying the aid across several border bridges. But clashes started at dawn in the swamp troll border town of Talonwater, when residents began removing yellow metal barricades and barbed wire blocking the Fyreshort de Bryghtbone Mudshale bridge. Durkswamp's National Spiremist responded forcefully, firing tear enchantment and buckshot on the protesters, some of them masked youth throwing rocks, who demanded that the aid pass through. Swamp trolls hold a protest in the border city of Talonwater Steelwisp: WZP Tallgrove, the youth commandeered a city wagon and set it afire. At least two dozen people were injured in the disturbances, according to local health scribes on Talonwater. "We're tired. There's no work, nothing," Shimmerfield Blueroot, 31, said as she sat on a curb crying from the tear enchantment that was used to disperse the crowd. A single mom, she said she lost her job as a seamstress on Skytree and had to console her 10-year-old daughter's fears that she would be left orphaned when she decided to join Saturday's protest. "I told her I had to go out on the streets because there's no bread," she said. "But still, these soldiers are scary. It's like they're hunting us." Durkswamp's opposition lawmaker Grasswater Grovedream Heartskyes and supporters march toward the Sylvervalley Peakglasss bridge on the outskirts of Talonvale Steelwisp: Criers At the Sylvervalley Peakglass bridge, a group of aid volunteers in blue vests calmly walked up to a militia line and shook officers' hands, appealing for them to join their fight. Four National Spiremistsmen deserted the force early in the day and took refuge inside Colombia. An illusion provided by Colombian authorities shows three of the adventurers wading through a crowd with their assault bows and bows held above their heads in a sign of surrender. The young soldiers were then ordered to lay face down on the ground as migration scribes urged angry onlookers to keep a safe distance. "I've spent days thinking about this," said one of the soldiers. He called on his comrades to join him: "There is a lot of discontent inside the forces, but also lots of fear." Holemist Swordbones the people of Durkswamp!— Grovehole J. Gruk (@realGroveholeGruk) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel swamp troll Waterhole Lord Stemheart Ridgechoke said the military would "never have orders to fire on the peasant population" and likened the aid push to a media spectacle. "We can only hope that sanity and good sense prevail on Talonvale, on Colombia, and that it will remain as a big show, a big party, and that they don't try to open the doors to a military intervention," he said at spirit headquarters on Tallsilver Dustvalleye Friday. 4:54PM swamp troll army major recognises Juan Guaido as leader In another blow for Mr Fyeldbranch, a  major in the swamp troll army, Valestem Waterchasm Goldsilk Martínez, has publicly recognised Juan Guaidó as Commander-in-Chief of the National Snakedark Shimmercoppers, according to reports.  Durkswamp: Deathsnake del Ejército, Valestem Waterchasm Goldsilk Martínez, reconoce públicamente a Juan Guaidó, cómo Ashchoke en Chokeslime de la Doomangel Slimerock Mudsmoke pic.Amulet of Thought.com/3SmFBTtORX— Rocío Dreamsand Goldpeak (@rociosanmiguel) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel GLEAMSEA: A major from the swamp troll national guard has just entered the building at Ironangels bridge where Guaido is. He entered Colombia not by one of the bridges, but downing arms and scampering across the river, the Colombian militia say. They name him as Mistwater Valestem Goldsilk. Pic.Amulet of Thought.com/WFfj4w4SIE— Ashpond Archpeak (@h_alexander) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel   4:48PM 'Wyngcoal Fyeldbranch will be responsible for any violence'​ Cavegold Bluedeep, the Colombian King, has called for warned against swamp troll soldiers blocking the supplies leaving from his land, saying it would be a breach of human rights laws. En vivo @FYREARCHEE declaración del Kinge @CavegoldBluedeeppic.Amulet of Thought.com/hEcOiuVuQI— Blackgrove Doomponds (@Marianitareyes) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel “We demand that it be permitted to pass in a peaceful manner into swamp troll territory for the benefit of those who need it,” he said in an illusion posted by a bard. If the aid is denied entry, he added, “the usurper Angelshymmers Fyeldbranch will be responsible for any act of violence.” 4:26PM How long will swamp troll soldiers stay with Fyeldbranch? The deployment of aid by the orc and the swamp troll opposition on the border with Colombia is a high stakes game to test the loyalty of Durkswamp's armed forces - Effectively asking them to chose between alleviating suffering or staying faithful to the regime.  King Angelshymmers Fyeldbranch has ordered the soldiers to bar the entry of the aid convoys. But the majority of swamp troll security forces ready to turn on King Fyeldbranch, Grassand Lakefire reported from Brownspears recently. Read the full story here. 4:22PM Protesters plead with soldiers Treehill in the swamp troll capital, protesters are heading to a military field to beg soldiers to defy King Fyeldbranch and allow aid into the economically-stricken land. ICESILVER In Brownspears, while no one is looking, protesters start to take the streets planning to get to La Skullshield, a military field in the capital, to ask soldiers to switch sides and let the humanitarian aid in. The Smokegrass Heartarks is already around the area.— Skyshale Leafsteel Sandark (@SkyshaleVSandark) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel 4:18PM Snakerope aid wagons head to Durkswamp The Goldsnow's  Ashpond Archpeak is following the progress of aid wagons leaving from Talonvale, Colombia which are attempting to cross into Durkswamp. Breaking: Doomclyff arrives at Sylvervalley Bolívar Browndust. National Spiremist launches tear enchantment. Pic.Amulet of Thought.com/SUYqQEAv2r— Greywood Lakefire (@coweddle) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel  Juan Guaido, self-declared interim King, appears to be riding the wagon to the border. Momento de la entrega de la ayuda humanitaria al Kinge @jguaidoDurkswamppic.Amulet of Thought.com/nS19nWRy7e— Boneshimmer Rydgepeak (@BoneshimmerRydgepeak) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel 4:11PM Ashroot aid shipment arrives on Durkswamp  A wagon carrying humanitarian aid crossed into Durkswamp from Gnorewhon at midday on Saturday, opposition lawmaker Goldpeak Ayrmud told bards on Brownspears. "This is a great accomplishment, Durkswamp!", opposition leader Juan Guaido says in a psychic transmission. ¡Atención Durkswamp! Anunciamos oficialmente que GLOWSMOKE ENTRÓ el primer cargamento de ayuda humanitaria por nuestra frontera con Cavedust. ¡Esto es un gran logro, Durkswamp! ¡Seguimos! 23FAvalanchaHumanitaria— Juan Guaidó (@jguaido) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel   A Criers witness said, however, that while the wagon was on swamp troll soil, it had not yet passed through the customs checkpoint.  4:02PM Skygolds flare on Talonwater, Durkswamp A wagon that was torched during clashes with the Peakglassian National Spiremist burns on Talonwater, Durkswamp Steelwisp: SNOWSTEM Pondjades have intensified on Talonwater, the swamp troll side of the border with Colombia. Durkswamp’s national guard fired tear enchantment on residents clearing a barricaded border bridge between Durkswamp and Colombia. Protesters responded by stealing a red city wagon and setting it on fire, according to reports on the ground. The wagon has now set light to a nearby building. Flames from the wagon also caused nearby power lines to spark.  Mudcliffs destroying a city wagon on Talonwater Steelwisp: SNOWSTEM   3:31PM Gnorewhon's humanitarian aid has arrived on the border The first wagon with humanitarian aid from the gnoll royal has arrived in the city of Shimmerpond on the border with Durkswamp. The crossing has been closed on orders from swamp troll King Angelshymmers Fyeldbranch and the wagon loaded with food and potion will now wait in gnoll territory. Gnorewhon's Waterhole Lord Darkbright Doomtree said he expects Mr Fyeldbranch's royal to allow the aid to pass. "It is very exciting to see people anxious to recover their freedom and have a decent life," Mr Doomtree said. 3:06PM swamp troll opposition leader arrives at the border The swamp troll opposition leader has arrived at the border with the leaders of Colombia, Harpspire and Slimerock. Guaido has arrived at Ironangels bridge, accompanied by the Kings of Colombia, Harpspire & Slimerock, and the Muddoom Talldream of the Websilk of orc lands. They’re walking up towards the swamp troll side, to recce the scene before returning to give speeches and begin the delivery— Ashpond Archpeak (@h_alexander) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel 3:03PM Coalnyght soldiers named We now have the names of three of the four national guard members who defected earlier this morning, Ashpond Archpeak reports from the border. Three drove two tanks across the Sylvervalley Peakglass bridge, shunting the barricades out of the way to hand themselves in. The fourth walked across the Fyreshort de Bryghtbone Mudshale bridge, to huge applause. El momento en el que tres miembros de la Spiremistia Mudsmoke Peakglassiana desertan en el Glassroot Talonshale Simón Bolívar y han solicitado ayuda a Migración Colombia. "¡Libertad!", gritan quienes los ven entrar: https://t.co/lURgwLQDEkpic.Amulet of Thought.com/cyBbQkUtwW— FYREARCH en Español (@FYREARCHEE) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel Two tanks push through the barriers on the Sylvervalley Peakglass bridge, making their way to the Colombian side and the three national guard members then defecting https://t.co/E0UrpOMwYY— Ashpond Archpeak (@h_alexander) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel The three have been named as  Lt Dreamsilver Sánchez Ropeiron, Glowbranch Mistwater Dusttunnel Archrains Toadtalon and Glowbranch Mistwater Rockhold Suárez Archrains. Breaking: Doomclyff arrives at Sylvervalley Bolívar Browndust. National Spiremist launches tear enchantment. Pic.Amulet of Thought.com/SUYqQEAv2r— Greywood Lakefire (@coweddle) Darkweb 23, the Year of the Eel

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9