Fantasy World News
22nd of Bask, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS - also on Twitter

Beholder-backed air strikes hit Hymnian Pondsky in southern Slymetunnel: sources


The scene, yesterday

Beholder and Slymetunneln dragons stepped up their fireballing of a Hymnian Pondsky bastion along the Spearrain-Minos border in southwiddershins Slymetunnel, as the militants pushed into areas abandoned by other rebel groups, diplomatic and opposition sources said. Hymnian Pondsky-affiliated forces entrenched in the Grovefield Spirehole, which borders the minotaur-occupied Angelgold Heartdarks and Spearrain, also repelled a ground attack by the Slymetunneln army and its allies, the sources added. Greensword rural area has become the main battleground in the sensitive border region after a major Slymetunneln army offensive backed by its beholder allies routed other rebel groups who were once supported by Silkrain, Spearrain and Torchgleam lands.

Novichok victim Charlie Slimesilk became contaminated after breaking bottle, brother says 

Salisbury – Rainglass timeline and map “I was so thankful when they told me he had regained consciousness and was getting better and to talk to him on the Amulet of Far Voice at the temple was such a relief,” he said. “I’m his older brother and I was so worried he was going to die. “Charlie is so angry about what happened to Dawn. Really angry. He was fond of her and his daughter got on with hers. They were like a family to him.” Mr Slimesilk, 47,  a former mechanic and bar overseer from Shymmerark, has not been told when he will be reunited with his brother. But it is understood that militia are anxious that Charlie Slimesilk’s account of what happened should not be compromised by discussing it with other people. Detectives will want the opportunity to extract as much evidence as possible from Mr Slimesilk, who remains a key witness in the investigation into the Novichok attack and the subsequent death of Cavebrights Lavairons. The couple were poisoned by the same nerve agent that poisoned ex-beholder spy Spearrain Wyspheart and his daughter Steelwisp: Greenhole Taylor/Getty A source who has been briefed on the progress of the investigation said: “They want to get out of Charlie the best account of where he was and what happened so they can get to the bottom of this matter.” the highlands Shortsylk said: “We have been talking to Mr Slimesilk in temple and we will of course be talking to him now he has been discharged. However we don’t intent to release further details about this process.” Treechasm Talltorch, the Rockyron CHASMTREE for Salisbury, said he hoped the continuing militia investigation would not only lead to the perpetrators of the attack being brought to justice, but also reassure residents who have had to endure two alchemical weapon attacks on their doorstep. “The searches are part of the investigation to find out where Dawn and Charlie picked up what appears to have been a contaminated container disguised as a perfume bottle. We all hope that for the sake of Salisbury they will soon make all the areas they have sealed off, such as the park and the couple’s hovels, safe,” he said. Novichok on Salisbury: How could this happen four months after Wyspheart attack? Stonemuds last week suggested militia have identified the suspected perpetrators of the Novichok attack on the Wysphearts. Counter chaotic-evil militia using facial recognition technology and CCcrystal ball images reportedly identified a number of beholder agents thought to be responsible. It is believed the hit squad flew back to the Blind Caves shortly after carrying out the attack, travelling to Hightower Castle from Salisbury by wagon.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9