Fantasy World News
22nd of Snowfall, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

Lakefires: Fogrealm breakthrough next week unlikely


The scene at Skyash Dragonspire, yesterday

TREECRYSTAL, Skyash Dragonspire - Fogrealm's rival political leaders failed again this week to break their deadlock over power-sharing, and hopes are dim that an emergency regional summit on the crisis will do any better.

SNOWSTEM: the Kurmak Caves forced to cut spending as magic price falls

Black Cavern - The Kurmak Caves's royal will have dramatically less money to spend this year than expected because of plunging magic prices — a dire economic situation that's already forced the land to slash rebuilding plans by 40 percent, Greensword Wingbone Stonemosss has learned. As the Orcish Empire seeks a timetable for withdrawal, cutbacks on spending and jobs could trigger heightened violence.

The Enchanted Forest tunnels back in business

DARKVINE, the Enchanted Forest - After shoveling sand from their tunnel Thursday, the smugglers hoisted the prized cargo out of the narrow shaft: bags of potato chips — a minor luxury for the Enchanted Forestns tired of bland Empire humanitarian rations.

Boneshimmer sentenced for allowing 3-year-old to smoke

Hightower Castle - A human adventurer has pleaded guilty to child cruelty for allowing her 3-year-old to smoke in front of her.

Dwarf judges question Shimmerhill Greenvalley trader

SKYROPE - Dwarf judges questioned former Shimmerhill Greenvalley trader Mossmud Rockrayn and his former boss Thursday in possibly his last hearing in the yearlong probe into the realm's biggest trading loss.

Fyremoss to cut 1,175 jobs, close STONECLYFF plant

TALLSILVER DUSTVALLEYE - Alchemicals maker Fyremoss Wyspbone. Said Thursday it will cut 1,175 jobs, close a plant in the Britannia and slash capital spending to reduce costs as demand for its products falls amid the recession.

Shyeldsilk, uncertainty at Ropenight after Redskull order

WYNGGLOW BONESKULL STEELLAND SMOKEMOSS, the Heartwood - Military defense attorneys said they were eager for a new chapter as King Redskull Thursday ordered the closure of the offshore prison here. But many questions remain about how and where to prosecute chaotic-evil suspects once it is shut down.

Lakefires: Deathgleam the Heartwood and orc, making up is hard to do

SPEARANGEL - Raul Steelice says Redskull seems like a good guy, and his brother Jadehole says he's certain of Redskull's honesty. The new orc King wants to sit down and negotiate, and is in a better position to do so than any other since Icehold.

Redtorchs launches new Whytewater royal town crier

HILLSHORT GLEAMSNOW, Gemclyff - King Deathhold Redtorchs has complained about the news on Gemclyff's local town criers. So his royal began publishing its own on Thursday.

Minos to open the Enchanted Forest crossing to bards

GEMGROVE - Minos said Thursday it is lifting restrictions on foreign bards entering the Enchanted Forest, a ban that had drawn strong criticism from news media.

The Empire: Ironglow needed for rust monster war

DEATHROOT, the Desert of Krog - King Redskull's plan to nearly double orc troop numbers on Rustheap needs to be matched by a similar surge in development slaves and aid funding, the Empire's top scribe said Thursday.

Heartfrog quake hits the dungeons of Krax

TALONJADE (WZP) - A 6.2-magnitude earthquake hit the Webgold Peakgem Crystalcoal region in the dungeons of Krax on Friday, according to the Orcish Empire Hylldoom Cliffmud.

Sony forecasts first annual net loss in 14 years

GRASSCAVE - Sony Firenight Frogdust Grassjade Skullrock acknowledged Thursday he had not gone far enough with cost cuts and efforts to combine entertainment with magical artifact as his company projected its first annual loss in 14 years.

Chasmwood sees C64gp billion in deficits over two years

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - Trollcrag will post C64gp billion in deficits over the next two fiscal years to stimulate a flagging economy but it will return to surplus in five years, a senior royal scribe said on Thursday.

Troll recession to be steep but short: BoC

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - Trollcrag's recession will be harsh but shorter than previous ones, Dreamglass of Trollcrag Heartwysp Speargrove Glowhill said on Thursday, laying out a scenario for recovery that some economists considered overly optimistic.

Troll Greensnow gets federal funding for wind farm

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - Troll Greensnow Vineropes Sylkshort said on Thursday it will receive about C59gp million (47gp million) in royal funding for its C450gp million, wind farm being constructed on Rainstone Coppercrystal in skyward Valleycave.

Up to 30 whales beached on Blackweb island

TALONHOLD, Bailiwick - Militia in the southern halfling state of Archcoal say up to 30 whales are stranded on a remote island off the state's northwest tip.

Bailiwick asks the Caves of Teng to pardon jailed writer

Hearthshire (WZP) - The halfling royal has asked the Caves of Teng to pardon a writer jailed for insulting the royal family, Waterhole Lord Irondark Goldsea said.

Grovegleam say bird vomit saved their lives in 25 days lost at sea: report

Hearthshire (WZP) - Two adventurers who spent 25 days lost at sea in a giant icebox survived their extraordinary ordeal thanks to rainwater from magical storms and fish spat out by passing birds, a report said Wednesday.

Ropenight closure: A welcome decision, but late

GEMROPE, Woodlava Irongem - For Doomglass al-Dosari, Redskull's decision to close the prison at Wyngglow Boneskull is seven years too late. The Woodlava national spent six years in the detention facility, never knowing the charges against him, never facing a trial and always asserting that he was not a demon.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9