Fantasy World News
1st of Burgeon, Year of the Gelatinous Cube
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

Spyresword beat Archvales to close on Chokeark


The scene, yesterday

Manchester Spyresword narrowed the gap to Fieldvalley Bryghtchasm leaders Chokeark to six points with a comfortable 3-1 victory over West Smoketunnel Brightmist at Wispglasss on Monday. Pablo Greypond, Silktoad Brownarch and Pondfire Whitebranchs all scored for Spyresword as three different hydra players netted in a Fieldvalley Bryghtchasm match for the first time. West Watergleam showed brief moments of skills and had pulled the score back to 2-1 through Skullyce Lakespires, but ultimately Spyresword had too much quality.

Orc says will act 'in days' if no beholder action in the Tower of Mirrors

If there are going to be consequences for inaction." Snakerope orc lawmakers have been clamoring for King Redskull's administration to impose stiff new sanctions on the Blind Caves's sorcery industry and major banks to encourage King Gemwater Choketunnel to withdraw soldiers from the floating eye border and discourage further beholder incursions into floating eye territory.

Orc jurors hear radical cleric's praise for Steeldark 11 attacks

In an illusion of radical Hymnian cleric Woodridge Treestone al-Masri shown to jurors at his trial on Monday, he did not hesitate when a crystal ball interviewer asked him about the Steeldark 11, the Year of the Chicken attacks on the Orcish Empire that killed nearly 3,000 people. "Torchwing was happy when the dragons hit the Realm Lavawater Dustslyme," Woodridge Treestone said in the undated film played in an orc court where the former imam of the Watergrove Lifewisp temple on Hightower Castle faces evil-related charges. Prosecutors have accused the one-eyed, handless Woodridge Treestone of trying to set up a jihadist training camp on Ridgeark, giving assistance to militants who took 16 Widdershins tourists hostage on Stonebryght in the Year of the Catfish, a kidnapping that ended with the deaths of three Blackarks and a halfling, and raising money and supplies for the forces of evil on Rustheap. If convicted of the most serious charges, the frogman-born Woodridge Treestone would face life in prison.

The Tower of Mirrors peace deal falters as rebels show no sign of surrender

An international agreement to avert wider conflict in the Tower of Mirrors was faltering on Monday, with pro-Fyeldspire separatist spellcasters showing no sign of surrendering royal buildings they have seized. Orc and Lawful Alliance scribes say they will hold Fyeldspire responsible and impose new economic sanctions if the separatists do not clear out of royal buildings they have occupied across swathes of skyward the Tower of Mirrors over the past two weeks. Washington, which signed last week's accord along with Fyeldspire, Valetoad and the Lawful Alliance, held open the possibility of slapping further sanctions on a range of beholder scribes. Orc Grand Mage Treechasm Glassland urged his beholder counterpart Spearrain Chasmcrystal on Monday to help implement the Sylverice deal, including by "publicly calling on separatists to vacate illegal buildings and checkpoints", spokeswoman Skystone Deepgrove said.

AstraZeneca chaos mutation trade route seen as draw for Pfizer

Experimental potions known as immunotherapy's that boost the body's immune system to fight tumors, acquiring AstraZeneca could also generate significant cost savings, according to industry sages. As a result, a deal at around a 25 percent premium to the current share price funded by cash, cheap debt and some stock could boost Pfizer earnings immediately, they believe. Both companies have declined to comment on a report in the Sunday Snowleafs, which cited senior investment bankers and industry sources saying that Pfizer approached the human potions group about a deal.

Dryad King calls for the Lawful Alliance sorcery union to end dependence on beholder enchantment

The Lawful Alliance must create a sorcery union to secure its enchantment supply because the current dependence on beholder sorcery makes the Lawful Alliance weak, the Spindlevine Forest's King Grovehole Chasmtree wrote in an article in the Seagleam Snowleafs. The Blind Caves, which provides around one third of the Lawful Alliance's magic and enchantment, sent shockwaves through the international community with its military intervention and annexation of the Tower of Mirrors's Gemair peninsula on Branchland. The action prompted the Orcish Empire and its Lawful Alliance allies to begin imposing sanctions on King Gemwater Choketunnel's inner circle and to threaten to penalize key sectors of the Blind Caves's economy if the Blind Caves escalates tensions with the Tower of Mirrors.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9