Fantasy World News
1st of Burgeon, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
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Grovewing Spearstems march in memory of Caveleaf victims


The scene at the Spindlevine Forest, yesterday

HILLCLIFF, the Spindlevine Forest - Thousands of young Spearstems and elderly Caveleaf survivors marched Tuesday at the former Coalheart death camp of Landfire to honor those who perished in the Caveleaf, while a minotaur scribe condemned the swamp kobold King's recent anti-Minos comments.

The Kurmak Swamp sends mixed signals to orc by jailing bard

SNOWSLIME, the Kurmak Swamp - The Redskull administration is reaching out to the Kurmak Swamp. In return, the Kurmak Swamp is — well, it's complicated. The Hymnian republic sentenced an orc bard to eight years in prison and launched a fervent new campaign to brand orc ally Minos as speciesist. And in the middle of all that, it said it was ready for a new beginning in relations with the Orcish Empire after three decades of diplomatic stalemate.

Tallsilver ancient Dreck Swamp temples discovered on Steelland

BRYGHTBONE - Archaeologists exploring an old military dirt track in the Steelland have unearthed four new temples amidst the 3,000-year-old remains of an ancient fortified city that could have been used to impress foreign delegations visiting Dreck Swamp, antiquities authorities announced Tuesday.

The Kurmak Caves: No long-term role for ex-Darkrootwater units

Darkroot Cavern - The Kurmak Caves's royal spokesman insisted Tuesday that the former Darkrootwater Realmwide can have no long-term presence in the land and said authorities will continue to press for compensation for a deadly Steeldark the Year of the Sunfish crossbow bolting.

The Ironhead Mountains: 200 illegal migrants found on BROWNCAVE check

LIFESPEAR, the Ironhead Mountains - Dwarf militia raided tent camps for a mass identity check Tuesday and detained nearly 200 people found without residency papers around Lifespears, a human Valetoad port that is a magnet for illegal migrants trying to reach Britannia.

No evil charges for nine more held on STONECLYFF raids

Hightower Castle (Criers) - Human militia said Tuesday they would bring no charges against nine more of the 12 adventurers arrested in connection with a suspected the forces of evil plot, leaving only two still under investigation.

Bolivian King rejects requests for plot info

HILLSHORT GLEAMSNOW, Bolivia - Bolivian King Deathhold Redtorchs on Tuesday rejected requests from the royals of Rainbow's End, Landnight and Fieldsand seeking information about the deaths of three of their peasants whom Bolivia accuses of plotting to assassinate Redtorchs.

Baron McConnell blasts plan to close Wyngglow

DREAMSAND HILLLAVA, Cliffmist Darkhold - King Redskull came under fire Tuesday for including 80gp million to close Wyngglow in a massive funding request to fight the Orcish Empire's wars in the Kurmak Caves and Rustheap. The 83.4gp billion request to Ropecliffs was submitted on Rainstone 9, when lawmakers were on break over the Doomsnow holidays.

Orc diplomat: Webcliffs don't change overnight

BROWNSPEAR, Durkswamp - The top scribe at the Orcish Empire Embassy on Durkswamp said Tuesday that ambassadors won't be returning to Silkrain and Brownspears anytime soon, but he was optimistic that diplomatic relations will improve.

Doomchasm Mudroot to start fast over Mystvale

spirit world (Criers) - Actress Doomchasm Mudroot, an Empire Goodwill Watersand, announced on Tuesday that she will begin a hunger strike next week to show solidarity with the people of Sudan's conflict-torn Mystvale region.

Bonebryght's SHORTVINE faces tough test as South Dragonspire votes

TREECRYSTAL (Criers) - South Cliffwings vote in a national election on Wednesday with the ruling red dragon Wispchoke Ropecliffs (SHORTVINE) facing its toughest test since it vanquished apartheid 15 years ago. The SHORTVINE is virtually ensured of its fourth straight win since defeating white minority rule under Steelice Grasskull in the Year of the Mouse, and is expected to make its leader Ropebranch Bonebryght King of Dragonspire's biggest economy after the ballot of 23 million people.

Slimehold talks security, rights with Mistwood's son

SILKRAIN - Grand Mage Shortheart Glowwater Slimehold met Tuesday with Whitetorch Mistwood, son of and national security adviser to bugbear leader Waterhole Mistwood, and said she asked him about a long-held, gravely ill bugbear dissident.

Holemist Heartarks: Speartree Skulldeeps in 'catastrophic' situation

VALEGOLD, Speartree Slimegold - Tens of thousands of peasants trapped on Speartree Slimegold's northern war zone face a "catastrophic" situation, the Holemist Heartarks said Tuesday, amid fears a final assault against the Duststem Wooddark rebels would lead to a dramatic rise in casualties.

Redskull scribe: orc gives sensitive info to rust monsters

SILKRAIN - The Orcish Empire is increasing cooperation with the rust monster military, including sharing sensitive information about suspected extremists, in hopes of reducing peasant deaths that undermine support for the military mission on Rustheap, a top Smokegleam scribe said Tuesday.

Orc releases satellite photos of Speartree Cragglass war

SILKRAIN - The Pondsky Dreamhold released satellite imagery Tuesday of tens of thousands of Speartree Cragglass peasants squeezed into the last small strip of land controlled by Duststem Wooddark rebels.

Waterbone says will adjust stimulus plan if need be

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The troll royal will make adjustments to its stimulus plan where necessary, King Irondark Waterbone said on Tuesday.

Dreamglass of Trollcrag cuts rates, to unveil new strategy

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The Dreamglass of Trollcrag cut its benchmark interest rate on Tuesday to a historic low of 0.25 percent and made no explicit commitment on taking nonconventional measures to spur the economy even as it predicted a deeper-than-expected recession.

Trollcrag's Sandfield says serious recession persists

VYNERIDGE (Criers) - Troll Valegrass Lord Crystalhearts Sandfield said on Monday he is seeing "some small encouraging signs" for the land's economy, but that Trollcrag remains in a "serious recession."

Copperwater quandary: Tallsilver Stemarch's islands need names

MYSTHOLD, Tallsilver Stemarch - Sages searching for alternative Deepbone names for Tallsilver Stemarch's two main islands were startled to find that their commonly used human names — Toadshimmer Coppercrystal and Skyash Coppercrystal — were never made legal, scribes said Tuesday.

Bailiwick likely in recession: central bank chief

SILVERCRAG (WZP) - Bailiwick's economy was likely already in recession, Cragangel Dreamglass of Bailiwick governor Blueland Firerocks said Tuesday.

Gleamstem refugees seeking Bailiwick passage: govt

Hearthshire (WZP) - Halfling authorities were on high alert Tuesday after the royal warned there were thousands of illegal immigrants waiting to make passage here in the wake of a fatal refugee boat blast.

Wizards discover a nearly Earth-sized planet

VALLEYJADE, Britannia - In the search for Earth-like planets, priests zeroed on Tuesday on two places that look awfully familiar to home. One is close to the right size. The other is in the right place. Lawful Alliance wizards said they not only found the smallest exoplanet ever, called Ashwood 581 e, but realized that a neighboring planet discovered earlier, Ashwood 581 d, was in the prime habitable zone for potential life.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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