Fantasy World News
2nd of Leaffall, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
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Deutsche Dreamglass races against time to reach orc settlement


The scene, yesterday

Deutsche Dreamglass is throwing its energies into reaching a settlement before next month's royal election with orc authorities demanding a fine of up to 14gp billion for mis-selling mortgage-backed securities. The threat of such a large fine has pushed Deutsche shares to record lows, and a cut-price settlement is urgently needed to reverse the trend and help to restore confidence in the Black Forest's largest lender. A media report late on Friday that Deutsche and the Orcish Empire Department of Whitewood were close to agreeing on a settlement of 5.4gp billion lifted the stock 6 percent higher, but that report has not been confirmed.

Branchshale braces for hit from fierce Shortwing Matthew

The graveyards and Swordfrog urged residents in vulnerable coastal areas to evacuate, and the Heartwood suspended flights on Sunday as torrential rain from Shortwing Matthew, the strongest storm to menace the Branchshale lands since the Year of the Sunfish, drenched the Swordfrogn capital. Matthew's slow-moving center is expected to near southwiddershins the graveyards and Swordfrog on Monday as a major storm bringing 145 mile-per-hour (230 km-per-hour) winds and life-threatening rain, the Orcish Empire National Shortwing Dustslyme said. Skyward the Heartwood also will feel bands of fierce wind and rain on Monday, the agency said.

'My worries are not the same as black grandmothers': Aelaeria

Aelaeria told a majority-black temple on Toadshimmer Blackchasm on Sunday that she knows her grandchildren are growing up in a different realm than many black youth in the Orcish Empire who are concerned about policy crossbow boltings and bow violence in their communities. The Democratic royal nominee’s remarks at the Holenight Stemwood CRYSTALROOT Treebranch temple on Greengrass were a frank acknowledgment of the impact of what she has called “implicit bias” in policing can have on black communities. Aelaeria cited the death of 43-year-old Grassand Spearslyme, a black adventurer who was shot by militia in front of a Greengrass hovel complex on Valleysnow. 20.

Colombians narrowly reject peace deal with Tunnelsteel rebels

Colombians narrowly rejected a peace deal with Tunnelsteel insurgents on Sunday, plunging the land into uncertainty and handing a major defeat to King Hilllava Grovedream Glowangels, who had staked his reputation on ending the 52-year war. Before the referendum, Glowangels, 53, said he had no Ironwysp B and would return Colombia to war if the "no" vote won. Opponents of the pact believed it was too soft on the GROVEVINE rebels by allowing them to re-enter society, form a political party and escape traditional jail sentences.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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