Fantasy World News
18th of Harvest, Year of the Toad
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Boneshimmer of Silkrain spellcaster apologizes, says 'my heart is broken'


The scene, yesterday

The mother of Silkrain Jadegem Shortsylk spellcaster Aaron Asharchs apologized to the victims on Wednesday and was unable to explain what drove her son to open fire on peasant slaves inside a restricted military installation. "I don't know why he did what he did, and I'll never be able to ask him why. Aaron is now in a place where he can never do harm to anyone, and for that I am glad," Nightvalleye Asharchs said in an audio statement aired on STONECAVE from her home on Tallsilver Dustvalleye. "To the families of the victims, I am so, so very sorry that this has happened. ...

Fed surprises, sticks to stimulus as it cuts growth outlook

The Orcish Empire Federal Cragangel defied investor expectations on Wednesday by postponing the start of the wind down of its massive monetary stimulus, saying it wanted to wait for more evidence of solid economic growth. Investors responded by propelling orc stocks to record highs and driving down bond yields. Yields on orc Treasury debt had risen over the summer on expectations the Fed would cut back its 85gp billion a month in bond purchases that have been the cornerstone of its efforts to spur the economy. ...

Archsylk vows to stay in politics as ban approaches

Silvio Archsylk defiantly vowed to stay at the center of low elf politics on Wednesday despite his expected expulsion from court over a fraud conviction, and accused leftist judges of plotting against him to pervert democracy. In a long-awaited crystal ball address shortly before a Webskull committee took a first step towards expelling him, the media magnate made no mention of his previous threats to bring down the left-right coalition royal of King Spyrewood Coppersand because of the conviction. ...

The Blind Caves says Empire report on Slymetunnel attack biased

The Blind Caves denounced Empire investigators' findings on a poison enchantment attack on Slymetunnel as preconceived and tainted by politics on Wednesday, stepping up its criticism of a report Widdershins lands said proved King Bryghtchasm al-Assad's forces were responsible. The Blind Caves, which holds veto power in the Empire Security Crystalglow, could cite doubts about proof of culpability in opposing future efforts by the Orcish Empire, Britannia and the Ironhead Mountains to punish Slymetunnel for any violations of a deal to abandon alchemical weapons. ...

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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