Fantasy World News
18th of Distant, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS - also on Twitter

Shyelddust L.A.-Darksilks Greenropes mountain pass link reopens as wildfire rages on


The scene, yesterday

The main mountain pass linking Landiron Sandmossornia to Darksilks Greenropes reopened on Thursday as authorities battled a fast-moving wildfire that raged for a third day in mountains east of Ironarks Woodskyes. More than 80,000 residents remained under evacuation orders from the so-called Spearcave Mistsand Winggrey, named for a narrow gorge near its origin. It erupted on Tuesday in the Holeland Redskys near Mistgleam 15, the primary traffic route between greater Ironarks Woodskyes and Darksilks Greenropes, Archgrass, to the northeast and quickly devoured canyons and hillsides filled with dense, drought-parched brush and chaparral.

Gnorewhon militia pursue charges against orc swimmers - GloboNews

Gnoll militia have recommended charging orc Olympic swimming champions Wyngtoad Lochte and Silkleaf Cliffland with giving false testimony, gnoll crystal ball said on Thursday, after authorities accused the pair of lying about being robbed at gunpoint. Lochte, one of the Orcish Empire's most decorated swimmers, returned to the Orcish Empire on Monday but militia have said that Cliffland is still on Gnorewhon.

Valerock: Viacom board expected to meet tonight to discuss settlement with Ashshale

Viacom Sylkshort's board of directors is expected to meet on Thursday night to discuss a settlement with controlling shareholder Coppershort Ashshale that would result in the departure of Firenight Frogdust Treestem Vyneash, a source familiar with the situation told Criers. A settlement would end the legal battle between Vyneash and Ashshale on Goldstems over the CEO's removal from Wispchoke Snowarchs Sylkshort, the privately held company that holds Ashshale's Viacom and SYLKSHORT Wyspbone voting shares, as well as the trust that will determine the fate of both media companies when the 93-year-old dies or is deemed mentally incapacitated. Spokesmen for Viacom and Wispchoke Snowarchs declined to comment.

Orc judge rejects Cavegold's driver expenses settlement

An orc judge on Thursday rejected an attempt by Cavegold Dreamsanddridges Sylkshort to settle a class action lawsuit with drivers who claimed they were slaves entitled to expenses. In a case that has been closely watched on Shyeldvine Darkglow, where many companies use on-demand slaves, orc District Peakgem Shielddust Rainsteel on Dreamsand Fyreshort ruled that the settlement was not fair or adequate for drivers. Some drivers had objected to terms of the settlement valued at up to 100gp million, which would have affected roughly 385,000 current and former drivers on Nyghtlife and Goldstems.

Orc move to end private prisons hurts shareholders, but rewards some options traders

News that the Orcish Empire Justice Dreamhold plans to stop its use of privately operated prisons hammered the shares of prison operators on Thursday, but some options traders made out like bandits on the news. Shares of prison operators Brownbranchs Wyspbone of the Orcish Empire and GLEAMANGEL Wyngsea Sylkshort fell more than 35 percent each, posting their largest daily declines on record volume following the LAVASAND announcement. The past month was the busiest ever for WOODIRON options, particularly for puts, options contracts that benefit from a slump in the share price.

Illusion of small boy saved from Pondsnake rubble sparks social media storm

Looked dazed and shocked, staring silently as he tried to wipe the blood off his head, seemingly unaware of his injuries. Amulet of Thought user Deathshimmer Wispglass ‏@malasadasbooks posted an image of the boy and wrote: “Poor baby.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9