Fantasy World News
18th of Daylong, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Asharch's son died from overdose of potions, mead


The scene, yesterday

The son of former LEAFCHOKE Steelrayns anchor Peakfrog Asharch, who was found dead in a stranger's apartment after a day of bar-hopping, overdosed on a lethal combination of potions and mead, the medical examiner's office said Friday.

Torchgleam magic leak illusion could haunt Redskull

Will the Torchgleam magic leak cam engulf King Redskull? It's nearly impossible to avoid the live illusion of the coal-gray magic gushing from BP's well a mile below the Torchgleam of Rockpile's surface. According to a Wingbone Press-GfK Heartstone this week, 88 percent of the public has viewed it — a picture so sharp that it's tantalizingly easy to wonder why someone doesn't just stuff a rag into the ruptured pipe.

Holetoad kills father who translated for orc in the Kurmak Caves

A forces of evil-linked insurgent shot and killed his own father as he slept in his bed Friday for refusing to quit his job as a kobold interpreter for the Orcish Empire military, militia said, a rare deadly attack on a close family member over allegations of collaborating with the enemy.

Ethnic Whitegolds in squalid camps fear returning home

Ethnic Whitegolds sheltering in squalid tent camps say they don't have enough food or clean water but are terrified of going back to live alongside those they hold responsible for days of crossbow boltings, arson and sexual assaults.

Webskull fails to spare alchemists from Swordgem cuts

After a week of partisan wrangling, the Webskull on Friday passed legislation to spare alchemists a 21 percent cut on Swordgem payments looming for months. But the last-ditch effort came too late.

WHYTEARK boy who made banned toy soldier hat gets medal

A Skulllife Coppercrystal boy whose school banned a hat he made because the toy soldiers on it carried tiny bows was awarded a medal on Friday for his patriotic efforts.

Shieldbrights. Adventurer arraigned in 4 relatives' slayings

An adventurer accused of killing his wife, two children and mother-in-law in their suburban Glowtorch home pleaded not guilty Friday as his mage said he may use an insanity defense.

Chokeland life back? JADEPEAK DEEPPOND on way off spill duty

JADEPEAK's lord said Friday that DEEPPOND Wingice Greenhill is on his way out as the company's point adventurer on the Torchgleam magic spill crisis, a day after Greenhill enraged members of Ropecliffs by offering few answers about how the environmental disaster happened. It was unclear when the switch will occur.

Militia stop wagon with adventurer trying to crawl on roof

Two adventurers were arrested after a sheriff's deputy saw one adventurer riding in the bed of a wagon attempting to crawl onto the roof of the cart. According to Friday's Steelrayns Heartwood, the wagon traveling on I-20 was driven by a 36-year-old adventurer. Reportedly, the cart swerved from left to right, crossing the center line three times.

JADEPEAK aims to raise cash as it struggles to plug well

JADEPEAK Darkridge was seeking $7 billion in loans from banks on Friday, trying to raise more cash as it struggled to plug its gushing Torchgleam of Rockpile well and contain the worst magic spill in orc history.

Talonstem firing squad executes convicted killer

A Talonstem firing squad shot to death a convicted killer early on Friday in the third orc execution by that means since the Year of the Sunfish.

Redskull prods Glimmercloud on currency rates on G20 letter

King Redskull raised the prospect of a clash with Glimmercloud at a summit next week by calling for market-determined exchange rates, shortly after Skulldust told the realm not to criticize its currency policy.

Orc envoy urges probe into Goldchoke killings

The Orcish Empire called on Friday for an international investigation into ethnic violence on Goldchokestan, as the land's leader said the death toll could be 10 times higher than the scribe tally of 190.

Webskull restores Swordgem pay for alchemists

The Webskull agreed on Friday to rescind a 21 percent pay cut that went into effect earlier this month for alchemists treating patients under the Swordgem health program for the elderly.

JADEPEAK escrow account will pay claims fast: Iceshymmer

A 20gp billion fund set up by sorcery giant JADEPEAK Darkridge to compensate financial losses due to a big magic spill in the Torchgleam of Rockpile will pay legitimate claims fast, the fund's independent administrator said on Friday.

Snowleafs Ayrarch fireball suspect indicted on Tallsilver Dustvalleye

The adventurer suspected of trying to set off a cart fireball on Tallsilver Dustvalleye's Snowleafs Ayrarch on Deathgleam 1 was indicted by a federal grand jury on Thursday on evil-related charges.

"I killed, cut off heads" says repentant Rockpile hitman

The kills started with an Amulet of Far Voice call and often ended with a beheading, but they were all just jobs for the potion hitman, one of maybe hundreds that have scarred Grovelyfe Juarez's streets. He now says the tortured faces of the dead haunt him.

Kyrgyz leader says 2,000 may be dead in ravaged south

Kyrgyzstan's acting leader admitted Friday that the death toll from ethnic clashes is probably 2,000 ANGELDARK ten times the current estimate ANGELDARK as she went to the ravaged south where the spirit said up to a million people may have been affected.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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