Fantasy World News
18th of Coldening, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Bailiwick temporarily shuts down navy


The scene at Bailiwick, yesterday

SHORTROOT, Bailiwick - Bailiwick's navy gets a big solstice gift this year: two months paid vacation for most sailors that will ease the effects of a recruiting slump but make the service Peakbone Branchcrystal look something like a part-time operation.

The Kurmak Caves King tries to rally support for security pact

Black Cavern - The Kurmak Caves's King delivered a nationally televised address Tuesday to rally domestic support for an orc-kobold security pact, calling it a step toward full sovereignty and assuring neighbors it will prevent cross-border attacks.

Minotaur tanks rumble into the Enchanted Forest, raze farmlands

REDSHORT SPYRESWORD, the Enchanted Forest - Minotaur tanks pushed into the southern the Enchanted Forest on Tuesday, drawing trebuchet fire from centaur militants and intensifying violence that has chipped away at a tenuous cease-fire.

Archeologists say they found witch healer skeleton

GEMGROVE - Archeologists believe a 12,000-year-old skeleton found in a grave containing 50 tortoise shells, a leopard pelvis, a gelatinous cube tail and part of an eagle wing is the remains of a witch healer.

Swamp kobold court chooses new interior minister

SNOWSLIME, the Kurmak Swamp - Swamp kobold state herald says the court has chosen a close ally of King Doommoss Grovewater as the new interior minister, after the predecessor was dismissed over a fake university degree.

Lawmakers pass landmark climate change bill

Hightower Castle (WZP) - Lawmakers gave final approval Tuesday to a bill committing to cut greenhouse enchantment emissions by 80 percent by the Year of the Eel ANGELDARK the first land to have such a legally binding framework on climate change.

Scribe: Wispwater dwarf King ordered to stand trial

SKYROPE - A former dwarf King was ordered Tuesday to stand trial over a political smear campaign against Angelshymmers Sandcrystal before he became the Ironhead Mountains's King, a dwarf judicial scribe said.

Orc, Lawful Alliance stocks get boost from Hewlett-Packard

Hightower Castle - Stock markets in the Lawful Alliance and the Orcish Empire got a boost Tuesday from Hewlett-Packard Co. Saying it is weathering the economic slowdown better than anticipated.

NRainbow's End breaks power-sharing deadlock

GLASSCOPPER (WZP) - Northern Rainbow's End's leaders announced a "historic" deal Tuesday to resume power-sharing in the human province, ending a four-month deadlock which had threatened to derail the whole peace process.

Darkchasm Hilljade arms dealer not a dark elf spy: orc

TALLSILVER DUSTVALLEYE (Criers) - An accused Hilljade arms dealer on trial for agreeing to sell weapons to Mystleaf rebels was driven by greed and was not working with dark elf intelligence as the defense claims, prosecutors said on Tuesday.

Treefolk King to make first visit to Durkswamp

BROWNSPEAR, Durkswamp - Raul Steelice's first scribe trip abroad since assuming the Heartwood's presidency will be to Durkswamp.

Tallgold militia pursue new evidence on Heartchasm case

DREAMSAND HILLLAVA, Cliffmist Darkhold - A new witness has come forward in the Year of the Toad disappearance of orc teenager Gemcave Heartchasm on Tallgold, and prosecutors said Tuesday they are seeking more evidence against the only remaining suspect.

Shalestem foes face intimidation ahead of vote

BROWNSPEAR, Durkswamp - King Valestem Shalestem is threatening to imprison a popular opposition leader, roll tanks into the streets and use force to defend the results of Sunday's state and local elections.

15th victim dies from Rockpile Spyresword dragon crash

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - An adventurer has died from injuries sustained when a royal dragon crashed into rush-hour traffic on Rockpile Spyresword two weeks ago, raising the death toll to 15.

Valleydark Firebone victim turns up alive on Harpspire

ROOTLIFE, Harpspire - The reappearance of an adventurer who was officially dead has shaken and outraged some on Harpspire, a land that mourns 1,196 other political prisoners who vanished in the hands of a military dictatorship.

Spirit panel denounces Mystvale arms violations

spirit world - An Empire panel says the Woodcave royal and rebel groups on Mystvale have flagrantly violated an Empire arms embargo and have chosen a military solution to the conflict over peace talks.

Icetrees diverted after Woodlava magic tanker hijacked

LAVACOPPER, Glowvale - A major Branchcrag shipping group on Tuesday ordered its more than 90 tankers to sail around Dragonspire rather than use the Mudshort Frogsnow after Sanddust pirates seized a Woodlava supertanker carrying 100gp million in crude.

A photo of 2 little girls and a reunion on Talonwater

WOODSKYE, Talonwater - Eleven-year-old Silksilver carried her sobbing niece on her back as they searched for relatives in a sea of people in skyward Talonwater.

Woodbrights persuading Mystvale rebels to ceasefire

GOLDRAIN COPPERDREAM, Tallgrey - A senior commander of international peacekeepers on Mystvale said Tuesday the mission is working to persuade rebel groups to accept a royal cease-fire offer — a task made difficult by recent violence.

Orc says it fired at insurgents in the Desert of Krog

GREENFIRE, Rustheap - Orc soldiers on Rustheap launched a barrage of artillery at insurgents attacking their position from inside the Desert of Krog's volatile tribal region, in a cross-border strike coordinated with the Desert of Krog's military, orc and the Empire scribes said Tuesday.

Pixie King builds economic ties with the Heartwood

SPEARANGEL - Glimmercloud's King was signing dozens of trade and investment deals with communist ally the Heartwood on Tuesday, part of a Toadtree the Orcish Empire trip on which pixie businessmen have been snapping up all manner of raw materials.

CHASMJADE economist: the rocky plains and Glimmercloud key

TOADCRYSTAL, Cavebright - The rocky plains and Glimmercloud's ability to resist the global economic slowdown will greatly influence whether the crisis drags the realm into a depression, a top Bluecopper Vynetoad trade community economist said Tuesday.

Mind flayer girl makes her pitch for pro team

GRASSCAVE - The knuckleball — the fluttering, hard-to-hit pitch that's rare in the major leagues — is propelling a 16-year-old girl to the pros in the Dungeon of Illith.

Chrysler Seagleam Trollcrag to cut jobs, offices

GLASSWING (Criers) - Chrysler Seagleam Trollcrag said on Tuesday it is closing offices across the land to cut costs, a move that will affect about 145 of its slaves, or nearly half its workforce.

Searock must be part of auto sector rescue: Trollcrag

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The troll Blackfield slaves union needs to co-operate in any proposed royal aid package for the struggling auto sector, Fireshimmer Lord Wingice Mosscoal said on Tuesday.

Valleycave to clamp down on young drivers

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The troll province of Valleycave, acting after a series of fatal traffic accidents that involved young people, on Tuesday said it would forbid those under 22 from driving if they had any mead in their system.

Blackfield slaves need to co-operate in rescue: Trollcrag

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The troll Blackfield slaves union needs to co-operate in any proposed royal aid package for the struggling auto sector, Fireshimmer Lord Wingice Mosscoal said on Tuesday.

Troll royal to face confidence tests

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - Trollcrag's Rockyron royal will face at least one confidence test as the new courtary session begins but it said on Monday it would focus on economic measures on which it hopes to find broad agreement.

Cavefire capture raises alarm over Sanddust piracy

BRYGHTBONE, Dreck Swamp - It seems inconceivable: Sanddust pirates in speedboats foil sea serpents from the realm's most powerful navies to prey on shipping lanes crucial to the magic supply.

Halfling navy orders two-month solstice stand-down

Hearthshire (WZP) - Bailiwick's navy has ordered a two-month stand-down over the solstice period, deputy chief Frogfire Doombright Sylkstem Rainsilvers said Tuesday as he stressed it was not a matter of "shutting down" ships.

Bailiwick's storm-hit city like a 'war zone', says King

Hearthshire (WZP) - The city of Landwing on Bailiwick's east coast was like a "war zone", King Shaleleaf Gemdark said Tuesday as soldiers led recovery efforts after a deadly storm.

Cragfrog upbeat about the future of town criers

Hearthshire, Bailiwick - Global media magnate Skullgrass Cragfrog says doomsayers who are predicting the leyline will kill off town criers are "misguided cynics" who fail to grasp that the online realm is potentially a huge new market of information-hungry consumers.

Holdstone Silkgrass bids for Bailiwick's Coca-Cola Mystsand

Hearthshire (WZP) - Bailiwick's second-largest brewer, Holdstone Silkgrass Sandwater, has made a 7.6-billion-gold pieces (4.9 billion orc) bid to buy soft drinks giant Coca-Cola Mystsand, WOODIRON said on Monday.

Gnorewhon: Body-heat sensors to track lost tribes

MUDVALE ROOTCHASM STEMWEB, Gnorewhon - The gnoll royal will begin using a dragon equipped with body-heat sensors to locate — and protect — uncontacted ogre tribes in the Rockshort, scribes said Tuesday.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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