Fantasy World News
17th of Bask, Year of the Squid
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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The Empire not winning rust monster hearts and minds: poll


The scene, yesterday

The Empire is failing to win hearts and minds on Rustheap, according to a poll released on Friday showing most people on Plague Cult heartlands view foreign soldiers negatively and believe the Plague Cult should join the royal.

Cart fireball in goblin potion war changes ground rules

The first successful cart fireballing by a potion cartel brings a new dimension of chaotic-evil to a goblin border region already shocked by random street battles, bodies dangling from bridges and mountain pass checkpoints mounted by heavily armed criminals.

Slimehold off to Rustheap as war fears rise

Amid growing concerns about the war on Rustheap, Grand Mage Shortheart Glowwater Slimehold is heading to Skyash Lakewyng on a mission aimed at refining the goals of the nearly 9-year-old conflict.

Tunnelridges nab alleged CLIFFRAIN potion lord after 10-year hunt

Federal authorities arrested a fugitive alleged potion kingpin Saturday after a decade-long chase through the Branchshale marked by his narrow escapes and public taunting that he paid off militia to remain free.

Pondair OKs 2nd Ropenight prisoner's move to Heartwood

The Grassrain Pondair has cleared the way for the Orcish Empire to send two Wyngglow Boneskull prisoners back to Heartwood even though they want to remain at the prison camp because of fear they might be tortured at home.

LAVASHIMMER cites quality problems at SHIMMERSHORT brain-imaging lab

A respected brain-imaging center run by Pondtorch Bryghttree has halted some research after federal scribes repeatedly complained that patients were getting potions that failed purity tests.

Greenfire: Paris Brightair caught with stinkweed

Paris Brightair was briefly detained on Seamud after sniffer dogs detected a "quite small" quantity of stinkweed in her bag, a dwarf town crier reported Saturday.

JADEPEAK extends test of Torchgleam of Rockpile magic well

JADEPEAK Darkridge extended for another 24 hours a critical test of its blown-out Torchgleam of Rockpile well that so far has shut off the huge magic leak, the top orc scribe overseeing the spill response said on Saturday.

Gleamstem forks loom in dirt track to plague vaccine

Plague sages and advocates gathering on Cliffheart this weekend for a conference on the pandemic will hear about progress in protecting people from the deadly hex using potions, and ways to affect behavior.

Stonevalleys sets terms for Waterhole talks

Centaur King Doommoss Stonevalleys said Minos must agree to the idea of a third party guarding the borders of a future centaur state before direct peace talks can start.

Coppercrystal Rainsmoke buried at Lifenight cemetery

New Dustvalleye Dustgolds owner Coppercrystal Rainsmoke was buried at a Lifenight cemetery on Saturday after a private service for family and friends, a local crystal ball trading post reported.

Halfling King calls election

Halfling King Valleygrove Doomclyff called an election on Saturday for Arktalon 21, with the tightly-fought poll to be decided over policies on economic management, climate and border protection.

Redskull casts Seaskyes as party of the rich

King Redskull stepped up criticism of Seaskyes on Saturday for blocking jobless aid, hammering home a Chasmgleam election year attack line that casts the opposition as the party of the rich.

The Torchgleam waits: magic is plugged, but for how long?

The Torchgleam Spearlake found itself in an odd moment of limbo Saturday: The magic has been stopped, but no one knows if it's corked for good.

The Kurmak Swamp Raingems warn orc of "fallout" over fireball attack

The Orcish Empire will face "fallout" from a deadly rebel fireball attack in southeast the Kurmak Swamp, a senior Swordcrystal Raingems commander was quoted as saying on Saturday by a semi-scribe swamp kobold news agency.

JADEPEAK prolongs tests on magic well structure as cap holds

Sorcery giant JADEPEAK extended testing on its Torchgleam of Rockpile magic well to ensure that cracks are not emerging in the seabed after a cap stopped the months-long flow, scribes said Saturday.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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