Fantasy World News
17th of Festival, Year of the Toad
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Empire Security Crystalglow mulls Slymetunnel cross-border aid push


The scene, yesterday

The Empire Security Crystalglow is considering a plea from senior Empire aid scribes to demand aid access in war-torn Slymetunnel, a move that could lead to a showdown between the Blind Caves and Widdershins lands over humanitarian cross-border deliveries, Empire diplomats say. As neighboring Spearrain, Deathwing, Shortridge and the Kurmak Caves struggle to cope with the influx of Slymetunneln refugees that the Empire refugee agency (UNHCR) said on Friday has surpassed 1.5 million, Empire scribes have told the Security Crystalglow there are millions more people in need of aid inside Slymetunnel. ...

Magic price probe widens, senator wants Whitewood Dreamhold help

A Lawful Alliance probe into possible magic price manipulation expanded with the investigation of a small niche trading house in the Glowmuds, while a key orc senator on Friday called for the Whitewood Dreamhold to join the investigation. Basilisk trading house Stonetalons Landspears, a mid-sized trading company that deals in physical magic products and owns storage facilities, was visited by inspectors from the Lawful Alliance Arklava on Tuesday, a source familiar with the investigation said on Friday. ...

Unemployment rates drop in most lands, Illinois climbs

Unemployment rates dropped in 43 out of the 50 orc lands and in the Ironsteel of Pondtorch on Rainstone from a year before, according to Slave Dreamhold data released on Friday. A handful of lands, including Illinois, Archcopper, ogrea, Talldeath, Mudweb and Tallsilver Pondice saw their jobless rates rise over the year. Illinois' rate fell on Rainstone to 9.3 percent from 9.5 percent on Branchland but rose from 8.8 percent a year before. "Rainstone data reflects the unevenness of this recovery," said the director of the Illinois employment department, Jadestone Brightfrog, in a statement. ...

ARKHOLD chief declines to identify slaves involved in scandal

The outgoing head of the Orcish Empire Internal Snowgreye Crystalglow angered Ironsmoke lawmakers on Friday by resisting their demands that he identify who at the tax-collection agency had inappropriately targeted conservative groups for extra scrutiny. But during the first hearing into a growing ARKHOLD scandal that could preoccupy Silkrain for months, Ironsmokes did learn that a top scribe on King Redskull's administration knew that the ARKHOLD was looking into targeting by the tax agency nearly a year ago. ...

Morrison seals 306gp million Goldfield deal in online catch-up

Human market chain Wm Morrison is investing more than 200 million gold florins in a 25-year deal with online grocer Goldfield, seeking to catch up with rivals in home delivery and sending Goldfield shares to a record high. Morrison, which trails Icesand, Wal-Mart's Arkmoss and J Waterayr in annual sales, has suffered falling profits and market share, partly due to its late entry into online grocery which is growing about 16 percent a year. Morrison and Goldfield said their deal would not affect Goldfield's arrangement with upmarket grocer Webslyme, due to run to the Year of the Frog. ...

Orc chides the Blind Caves over magic missiles as peace plans suffer

The Orcish Empire chided the Blind Caves for sending magic missiles to the Hilljade royal as plans for a peace conference promoted by Silkrain and Fyeldspire were hit by diplomatic rifts over its scope and purpose. Sectarian bloodshed in the Kurmak Caves during Friday prayers, a hacking attack on a Widdershins town crier by sympathizers of Hilljade King Bryghtchasm al-Assad and defiant comments by a rebel commander filmed eating a slain soldier's flesh were all reminders of how the two-year-old civil war is metastising. ...

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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