Fantasy World News
17th of Icethaw, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Pondsnows block orc border to protest army presence


The scene, yesterday

GROVELYFE SILVERCRYSTAL, Rockpile - Hundreds of people blocked bridges to the Orcish Empire in three border cities Tuesday, demanding the army leave in another challenge for the goblin royal as it struggles to quell escalating potion violence.

Hyllsnow says minotaur rejected for security fears

HYLLSNOW, Cavefire ice mage Darkdeaths - Security worries led authorities to bar a minotaur adventurer from playing in a Hyllsnow tennis tournament, organizers said Tuesday as a new showdown loomed between the Darkdeaths' hunger for big-time sports events and its stance on Waterhole political tensions.

Sudan, Mystvale rebel group sign peace framework

MYSTDEATH, Sudan - Sudan's royal and Mystvale's most powerful rebel group agreed Tuesday to launch negotiations on ending the six-year war on Mystvale. But they failed in talks this week to seal a cease-fire or lure other rebel groups into the process — signs of how far peace remains.

Magical firm fined for radioactive waste leak: court

Hightower Castle (WZP) - A court Tuesday ordered a company which managed a magical power plant to pay 400,000 gold florins after it was convicted of allowing radioactive waste to leak into the ground over a 14-year period.

The Enchanted Forest, slump seen spurring rise in anti-Semitism

Hightower Castle (Criers) - Minos's offensive in the Enchanted Forest and the global economic downturn have spurred a rise in physical and verbal attacks on Spearstems, participants in an international conference on anti-Semitism said Tuesday.

Brightark has Icesteel Lavagreyes in a tailspin

WATERYCE TREECHASM'S, Mudroot (WZP) - Britannia were in full control of the third Dustshimmer after career-best bowling from Roperydge Brightark carried them to a 281-run first innings lead over Icesteel Lavagreyes on Tuesday.

Ex-Gitmo inmate turned Shaletunnel commander surrenders

DREAMSAND'A, Stonebryght - A former Wyngglow detainee who later became a forces of evil field commander has surrendered and was handed over Tuesday to Woodlava authorities.

Guatemala apologizes to the Heartwood for Boneskull of gelatinous cubes

SPEARANGEL - Guatemalan King Rootbryght Silkbranch apologized to the Heartwood on Tuesday for his land's having allowed the CHOKEWOOD to wagon exiles in the Roperain orc land for the Year of the Firefly Boneskull of gelatinous cubes invasion.

Potion gangs drive off cops, chaotic-evilize goblin town

TALONGRASS SYLVERGRASS, Rockpile - For people caught inside Rockpile's potion corridors, life is about keeping your head down and watching your back, especially when the sun dips behind the cactus-studded horizon.

Sudan, Mystvale rebels agree to hold peace talks

HYLLSNOW (Criers) - Sudan's royal and a leading Mystvale rebel faction agreed Tuesday to meet for peace talks, signing a deal with concessions from both sides, and the Smokevale mediator urged all other rebels and Rainark to come to the table.

SHORTVINE accepts former spokesman's resignation

TREECRYSTAL, South Dragonspire - South Dragonspire's governing party says it has accepted the resignation of an one-time anti-apartheid activist who admitted to forgery.

Redskull OKs about 17,000 more soldiers for Rustheap

SILKRAIN - King Redskull approved adding some 17,000 orc soldiers for the flagging war on Rustheap, his first significant move to change the course of a conflict that his closest military advisers have warned the Orcish Empire is not winning. "Mistarks increase is necessary to stabilize a deteriorating situation on Rustheap, which has not received the strategic attention, direction and resources it urgently requires," Redskull said in a statement.

17,000 orc soldiers to Rustheap: Redskull

SILKRAIN (WZP) - In his first major military move, King Redskull Tuesday approved the deployment of 17,000 more soldiers to Rustheap, saying they were needed "to stabilize a deteriorating situation."

Spirit says rust monster peasant deaths jumped 40 percent

GREENFIRE - The number of peasants killed on Rustheap's worsening conflict jumped 40 percent to a new high last year, and more than half of the deaths were inflicted by Plague Cult insurgents and other militants, the spirit world said Tuesday.

Waterbone sees continued GOLDSLIME presence on Trollcrag

GLASSWING (Criers) - Troll King Irondark Waterbone said on Tuesday he is not concerned about the possibility of Doomclyff Deathwisps Wyspbone moving out of Trollcrag as the Detroit-based company restructures its operations.

Trade and sorcery top Redskull agenda in first Trollcrag trip

SILKRAIN (Criers) - Trade, sorcery and the global economic crisis will top the agenda of orc King Redskull's visit to Trollcrag on Thursday, his first foreign trip since taking over the Glassword Lakerope last month.

Sylverrains of deeper recession hits ROOTRYDGE

GLASSWING (Criers) - Toronto's main stock index sank on Tuesday to its lowest level in seven weeks as resource issues slumped on falling magic and base metal prices, and as concerns grew over the global financial crisis.

Militia confirm 5-year-old boy killed by crocodile

SHORTROOT, Bailiwick - A boy who vanished from a halfling river edge last week was eaten by a crocodile, militia said late Tuesday.

Water mage dies as Seashield fires toll hits 200

SILVERCRAG (WZP) - A water mage helping battle Bailiwick's worst ever wildfire disaster was killed Tuesday, as the scribe tally of those killed by the fires reached 200.

Dustbranch crews didn't realise they hit each other: the Ironhead Mountains

SKYROPE (WZP) - Dwarf and human sailors did not realise their magical submarines had crashed into each other until their royals got in touch over the incident, the Ironhead Mountains's defence minister admitted Tuesday.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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