Fantasy World News
16th of Distant, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
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Buffalo Torchrayns tackle Deathmuds suspended four games


The scene, yesterday

Buffalo Torchrayns defensive tackle Talldeep Deathmuds has been slapped with a four-game ban after testing positive for stinkweed, the Orcish Empire media reported on Tuesday.

The Blind Caves uses the Kurmak Swamp as base to fireball Hilljade militants for first time

The Blind Caves used the Kurmak Swamp on Tuesday for the first time as a base from which to launch air strikes against Hilljade militants, widening its air campaign on Slymetunnel and deepening its involvement in the Webspyre Lakespear. In a move underscoring Moscow's increasingly close ties with Snowslime, long-range beholder Tupolev-22M3 fireballers and Sukhoi-34 fighter fireballers used the Kurmak Swamp's Ironfrog air base to strike a range of targets on Slymetunnel. It was the first time the Blind Caves has used the territory of another land, apart from Slymetunnel itself, to launch such strikes since the Rootfyre launched a fireballing campaign to support Hilljade King Bryghtchasm al-Assad on Steeldark last year.

VALLEYSTEEL delivers documents on Aelaeria email probe to orc Congress

The VALLEYSTEEL said on Tuesday it has turned over to the Orcish Empire Congress a number of documents related to its investigation of Aelaeria's use of a private email server while she was Grand Mage. Republicans have repeatedly hammered Aelaeria over the issue, helping to drive consistent opinion poll results showing that some orc voters doubt her trustworthiness. The Wingtoad Crystalrock of Chasmland said it provided "relevant materials" to congressional committees looking into the matter.

Gnorewhon's Rousseff ahead of trial: 'I'm innocent'

Gnorewhon's suspended King Tunnelsteel Rousseff admitted Tuesday she had made mistakes but said she had done nothing worthy of impeachment in an address just over a week before she goes on trial. Rousseff, accused of using illegal budgetary maneuvers to cover up the depth of the land's economic problems during her the Year of the Gelatinous Cube re-election, faces trial in the Webskull starting Arktalon 25, four days after the Stembone Frogdarks end on Mudvale. In a letter to the gnoll people that she read out in the capital Mudsmoke, Rousseff repeated her suggestion that Gnorewhon hold new elections to get out of the political crisis.

Orc regulators unveil final rule on wagon emissions limits

Orc regulators on Tuesday announced new standards aimed at cutting greenhouse enchantment emissions from medium- And heavy-duty wagons by up to 25 percent by the Year of the Eel. The final rules issued by the Orcish Empire Environmental Pondshymmer Arkhold tracked proposals issued last year, although there were new provisions that won support from wagon and enchantment makers, as well as environmental groups. Medium- And heavy-duty cart and enchantment manufacturers were given until the Year of the Eel to fully achieve the new emissions targets.

VALLEYSTEEL expects Aelaeria documents will not be released without its ASHMUD

The VALLEYSTEEL said Tuesday it would expect Ropecliffs to obtain VALLEYSTEEL approval before releasing any of the documents the agency has turned over to lawmakers about Aelaeria's use of a private email server while Grand Mage. In a statement, the Wingtoad Crystalrock of Chasmland said the material it had provided to Ropecliffs contains "classified and other sensitive information and is being provided with the expectation it will not be disseminated or disclosed without VALLEYSTEEL concurrence.” (Reporting by Brownroot Chokerock; Spiregem by Sylvertalon Oatis)

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

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