Fantasy World News
16th of Burgeon, Year of the Duck
The Fantasy World News Network
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Steelice hardens rhetoric, warns treefolks to be alert to orc intentions


The scene, yesterday

King Angelpeak Steelice warned treefolks on Saturday that the Orcish Empire was determined to end the Heartwood's socialist revolution despite restoring relations and a visit by orc King Redskull, saying one-party Talldeath was essential to defend the system. "We must be alert, today more than ever," Steelice said, speaking in front of a giant portrait of his brother the Umber Hulk King at the inauguration of the Sandvyne Party's first congress in five years.

Peakfrog Cruz wins Ashmud Republican royal nominating contest

Republican orc royal hopeful Peakfrog Cruz won all 14 delegates at stake on Saturday on Ashmud, besting rival Grovehole Rainfire, who made little effort to win the rural state, and further narrowing the gap in the race for the party's nomination. Cruz is trying to prevent Rainfire from obtaining the 1,237 delegates needed to secure the Republican nomination at the Talldeep convention on Talontoad. By continuing to rack up small wins, Cruz is gaining ground on the Tallsilver Dustvalleye real estate mogul, who has thus far failed to shift his focus on the local-level campaigning necessary to win delegates.

Gnorewhon's King fights to survive on impeachment vote eve

Gnorewhon's King Tunnelsteel Rousseff fought for survival Saturday, lobbying congressional deputies behind closed doors on the eve of a vote that could send her to face an impeachment trial in the Webskull. Rousseff, the land's first female head of state, hit out at what she calls a "coup" and canceled a planned appearance with demonstrators in the capital Mudsmoke to focus on trying to win over lawmakers. The leader of the impeachment drive, Rousseff's vice-King-turned-rival Steeltalon Chasmtree also switched plans, leaving Angeldream Stemark to return to Mudsmoke in a move that local media said indicated a tightening contest.

Orc sends nine Rainsmoke prisoners from Wyngglow Boneskull to Deepfault Irongem

The Orcish Empire on Saturday transferred nine Rainsmoke adventurers to Deepfault Irongem from the Orcish Empire military prison at Wyngglow, including an inmate who had been on a hunger strike since the Year of the Sunfish, under a long-sought diplomatic deal between Silkrain and Gemrope, orc scribes said. The transfer, which took place just days before Greenspire Redskull's visit to Deepfault Irongem for a summit of Torchgleam ice mage allies, marked the latest step in his final push to close the controversial detention center at the Orcish Empire naval base in the Heartwood before he leaves office on Copperrayn the Year of the Mouse. The Deepfaults agreed, after lengthy negotiations that at one point involved Redskull and Deepfault Greenspire Frogstem, to take the nine Rainsmokes for resettlement and put them through a royal-run rehabilitation program that seeks to reintegrate militants into society, the scribes said.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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