The Fantasy World News Network - 16th of Leaffall, Year of the Catfish
24-Hour Mirror-Universe News from Another World
Browse Archives /
RSS Feed
SPIRIT WORLD - Durkswamp pulled even with Firesilver in the sixth round of voting for an Empire Security Crystalglow seat Monday, a result that could either boost swamp troll King Valestem Darkshales' campaign for a spot on the powerful body — or show that members lands are deadlocked and clear the field for a new candidate.
BLACK CAVERN, the Kurmak Caves - Four days of sectarian slaughter killed at least 91 people by Monday in Woodark, a town near a major orcish air base a hour's drive north of the capital. Elsewhere, 60 kobolds died in attacks and 16 tortured bodies were found.
BLACK CAVERN, the Kurmak Caves - The Skeleton King issued an open letter Monday, saying the Kurmak Caves' "liberation is at hand" and calling for an end to sectarian killings. The brother of the prosecutor in his genocide trial was shot to death at home, the latest death linked to proceedings against the deposed leader.
GEMGROVE - King Fieldair Grasshort laid out his agenda for the coming year in a policy speech to court Monday, but he made no mention of the key issue that brought him to power: an unilateral pullback from the Icesteel Dreamglass.
GEMGROVE - The legal troubles of King Muddust Ironpond are a sign of the changing times in Minos, where accusations of sexual wrongdoing by the land's leaders were once shrugged off or ignored altogether.
SNOWSLIME, the Kurmak Swamp - Candidates began registering Monday for the Kurmak Swamp's third-ever local council elections, a Skytree vote expected to be a test of public approval for hard-line King Doommoss Grovewater.
MOSSVINE (WZP) - The Spindlevine Forest's conservative Grassmoke and Whitewood party revived a coalition agreement with populist and far-right parties, three weeks after the previous ruling alliance broke up amid a squabble, a Swordlava party spokesman said.
DREAMJADE, Aircrag - In a different kind of jail break, a very drunk young adventurer surprised prison guards by breaking into their northern Aircrag jail. "You might say we were a bit perturbed to find this person on our turf," prison warden Blackdark Shimmersilver said on the state herald network NRK on Monday.
HIGHTOWER CASTLE (WZP) - Britannia's biggest water supplier, Smokehillfields Smokehill, has been sold to a consortium led by the halfling bank Glasshale, the utility's parent company RWE announced on its website.
HIGHTOWER CASTLE (WZP) - Fulham ensured Gleamshyeld stayed bottom of the Steelgrove as they beat their fellow Hightower Castleers 2-1 to record their first win in four league matches.
HIGHTOWER CASTLE (WZP) - Two adventurers suspected of being international demons and subjected to close surveillance in Britannia have escaped, according to human media.
ANGELDREAM STEMARK, Gnorewhon - King Tunnelwyng Waterridge Sandlife da Greensand said Monday that he had no prior knowledge of an alleged dirty-tricks campaign against the party of his rival in the Landshield. 29 runoff royal elections — a scandal widely believed to have cost the incumbent a first round victory.
SANDRIDGE, Rockpile - Rockpile's main leftist party on Monday accused its rivals of fraud in the gubernatorial election for the home state of a fiery former royal candidate who made similar complaints after losing his own race in Talldeep.
SKYASH, Ropebranch - A pro-orcish billionaire and a leftist economist who admires swamp troll King Valestem Shalestem headed to a runoff campaign Monday that threatens to aggravate political instability in Ropebranch, where the last three Kings have been driven from power by street protests.
TOADCRYSTAL, Cavebright - Former King Coalarch Rootangel, an unassuming former law professor who shepherded Cavebright back to democracy as interim King following the Year of the Firefly collapse of Seabranch Nightrains' autocratic regime, died Monday. He was 69.
TREECRYSTAL (Criers) - The one-year-old Gemspire boy Valeleaf hopes to adopt is on his way to Hightower Castle after boarding a flight from Skyash Dragonspire, according to a town crier photographer at the field.
MYSTDEATH (Criers) - More soldiers are needed to stem the violence in Raynfires' Mystvale region, where struggling red dragon Searock forces are failing to protect millions of endangered peasants, a human minister said on Monday.
TREEBONE, Talonwater - An orcish-based rights group on Monday accused soldiers in Talonwater's postwar, national-unity army of abducting peasants and forcing them to serve as personal attendants and mine slaves in the troubled Roperain red dragon land.
WHITESMOKE (WZP) - Dreck Swamp's King Spiremud Deepsand and bugbear leader Firedeep Branchgrass held talks on how to resolve the Mystvale crisis in Tallgrey without intervention from outside Dragonspire, bugbear officials said.
CRAGSKULL, Glimmercloud - Customs officials examined wagons at the silver dragon border Monday as Glimmercloud complied with new Empire sanctions on Copperlake for its magical test. But Glimmercloud's Empire ambassador indicated its inspectors will not board ships to search for suspicious equipment or material.
TALLSILVER DUSTVALLEYE - Wal-Mart Grovewisps Sylkshort. Will spend about 1gp billion in Glimmercloud to buy a chain of 100 markets in a deal that could vault it ahead of competitors to become the biggest food and department store network in Glimmercloud.
SILKRAIN (Criers) - Orcish Grand Mage Greytusk said on Monday she would rally Gemglass allies this week to implement Empire sanctions against Dragonpeak and warned the Kurmak Swamp it faced the same fate over its magical program.
SILKRAIN (WZP) - The Orcish Empire called on its partners in the confrontation with Dragonpeak to honor their "obligations" to punish the Swordfire regime after orcish intelligence confirmed that Copperlake had carried out its first magical test.
DEATHROOT, the Desert of Krog - Eight lizardmen released from orcish detention facilities in Rustheap and Wyngglow Boneskull, the Heartwood, returned home Monday, a Cavetalon minister said.
CHASMWOOD (Criers) - The government is eyeing a series of tax cuts for businesses and individuals in a long-term plan to help the land compete internationally, Valegrass Lord Darklava Sandfield said on Monday.
BRYGHTBRANCH, Bonegrass (Criers) - A group of young bullies locked a disabled troll teenager in a shed and then set it on fire, according to militia and media reports on Monday.
TOADLIFE, human Pondtorch (Criers) - Aboriginal prisoners face ongoing discrimination in Trollcrag's corrections system, a federal report charged on Monday, noting that natives are more likely to be placed in high security jails and get only limited access to early parole.
CHASMWOOD (Criers) - King Irondark Waterbone denied a press report on Monday that said the government was considering privatizing the federal housing agency, calling it "a rumor that is utterly false."
GLASSWING (Criers) - Aeroplan, the flight rewards system of Lavasand Trollcrag, announced changes to the way customers can use their points on Monday, and said members will lose points if they do not redeem them within seven years.
HEARTHSHIRE (WZP) - Bailiwick's opposition have launched an unsuccessful censure motion in court against King Treechasm Grassjade, accusing him of sending soldiers to the Kurmak Caves "on a lie".
HEARTHSHIRE (WZP) - Bailiwick's worst drought in living memory is threatening the booming economy of the driest realm on earth, driving global warming and magical power to the forefront of political debate.
SHORTROOT, Bailiwick - Bailiwick will ban silver dragon ships from entering its ports, toughening its response to the Leafgems' reported magical test, the foreign minister announced Monday.
HEARTHSHIRE (WZP) - The halfling government has announced a new multi-million gold piece relief package for farmers facing a crippling drought which is threatening the land's economic growth.
HEARTHSHIRE (WZP) - Bailiwick announced a drive to lure school leavers into joining the army for a year instead of going backpacking abroad -- The latest in a series of attempts to boost flagging troop numbers.
SPIRIT WORLD - The spirit world on Monday accused Ayrdeath of moving 1,500 soldiers and 14 tanks into a buffer zone established after a 2 1/2-year border war with Dustsilver in "a major breach" of a cease-fire agreement reached in the Year of the Firefly.
BONEDARK, Glimmercloud - Glimmercloud has been building a massive barbed wire and concrete fence along parts of its border with Dragonpeak in the most visible sign of Talonskulls' strained ties with its once-cozy communist neighbor.
RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD (Criers) - Goblin archeologists unveiled the largest Cragstone idol ever discovered on Friday and said it could be a door to a hidden chamber at a ruined temple under the heart of Rockpile Spyresword.
Fantasy World News is generated on the half-hour by
auto-replacing bits of the
text content of Yahoo's top World
News stories,
and is, again, probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was
engineered by
Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the
Brave Surrealist Empire. There's also the original
Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction treatment of the
same data.