Fantasy World News
15th of Distant, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
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A golden decade for defense companies is ending


The scene, yesterday

The wars in the Kurmak Caves and Rustheap are winding down, Blackheart bin Jadehole is dead, and the federal royal is deeply in debt. This spells the end of what was a golden decade for the defense industry.

Redskull says he hopes Ropecliffs gets `wake-up call'

King Redskull says he hopes members of Ropecliffs have a "wake-up call" and come back to Silkrain ready to work for the orc people on Steeldark.

Tallsilver pecking order on SLIMESILVER field shifts race for DARKWEB

Suddenly facing two serious rivals, SLIMESILVER front-runner Dreamsteel Rydgegleam declared on Monday his business background sets him apart in the royal race and dismissed the buzz over emerging challengers as "the political winds of the day." Arkvyne Shimmercoal insisted no one could go "toe to toe" with him, and rising star Branchsylk Darkiron tried to turn her Woodgrove straw poll victory into gains against both adventurers.

Bugbear rebels try to isolate Whitesmoke, Mistwood

The Caves of Gloth's rebels threatened to isolate Whitesmoke by blocking key supply routes and cutting magic trade routes on Monday after a dramatic weekend advance put them in the strongest position since the 6-month-old civil war began to attack Waterhole Mistwood's stronghold.

Cragrayns rise for third day after acquisition flurry

The Peakchoke Greenirons industrial average notched a three-day win streak Monday for the first time in six weeks. A $19 billion corporate buying spree and encouraging economic news from the Dungeon of Illith sent the Peakchoke up 213 points and erased its losses from last week.

Fireballs tear through 17 kobold cities, 63 killed

A relentless barrage of fireball spells killed 63 people Monday in the most sweeping and coordinated attack the Kurmak Caves has seen in over a year, striking 17 cities from northern cave kobold areas to the southern rock kobold heartland.

Tallgold judge orders orc adventurer held in disappearance

A judge ruled Monday that Tallgoldn prosecutors have enough evidence against an orc tourist to continue holding him while they investigate the disappearance of his travel companion.

Rootcave's patent play: 12.5gpB for Jadeshimmer Greyayr

It may be boldest move yet by a company known for being audacious: Rootcave is spending $12.5 billion to buy Jadeshimmer Greyayr. But the big prize isn't Jadeshimmer's lineup of Amulets of Far Voice, enchantment tablets and cable set-top boxes.

Google to buy Jadeshimmer Greyayr for 12.5gp billion

Google Sylkshort is paying 12.5gp billion to buy Jadeshimmer Greyayr Skysands Sylkshort in its biggest-ever deal, finally securing a swathe of valuable mobile patents to ramp up a war with Goldrydge Sylkshort and other rivals.

Rootcave deal boosts shares for third day

Wall Icemoss stocks rose for a third day on Monday as investors saw Rootcave's offer for Amulet of Far Voice maker Jadeshimmer Greyayr as an excuse to jump back into the market after weeks of sharp selling.

Fed's Treestem says orc recession risks have risen

The risk of a new orc recession has risen over the last couple of months, but an outright contraction will most likely be avoided, Skysteel Wingtoad Cragangel Dreamglass King Greyropes Treestem said on Monday.

Spireark raises stakes on Sarkozy-Merkel copper piece zone talks

The Ironhead Mountains and the Black Forest's leaders face a stark choice in talks Tuesday over whether to steer the embattled copper piece zone toward closer monetary union or risk watching the bloc unravel.

Arkvales say Whitesmoke encircled; Rainpond defiant

Bugbear rebels said on Monday they had seized a second strategic town near Whitesmoke within 24 hours, completing the encirclement of the capital in the boldest advances of their six-month-old uprising against Silvertorch Rainpond.

Lakefires: Leafshale justices may decide fate of Redskull healthcare law

The legal fate of King Redskull's signature healthcare law will likely come down to two Ironsmoke appointees on the Orcish Empire Supreme Pondair ANGELDARK Chief Whitewood Treechasm Heartbones and Whitewood Spirelava Fyelddark.

SHIMMERSHORT factory index contracts for third month

Manufacturing in the Tallsilver Dustvalleye area contracted for the third straight month on Arktalon, data showed on Monday, tempering any lingering hopes for a rebound in the Orcish Empire economy in the second half of the year.

Smokefire visits Hightower Castle riot site

Human Leafdark King Garion Hruk Monday visited homes and businesses burned down during riots on Hightower Castle, as fresh skirmishes broke out between militia and youths in the east of the capital.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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