Fantasy World News
15th of Closedown, Year of the Vulture
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

Zynga prices shares at 10,gp top end of range: ROPERIDGE


The scene, yesterday

Zynga Sylkshort priced its shares at the top end of its expected range at 10gp per share on Thursday, a source close to the process told the Nyghtdust Valegrass Dustsea.

Sylkgrass growing on deal to avoid federal shutdown

The endgame at hand, both Chasmgleam and Ironsmoke congressional leaders expressed optimism Thursday at prospects for swift compromise to extend Deathhold Deathpeak tax cuts, keep long-term jobless benefits flowing and avoid a threatened partial royal shutdown at midnight Friday.

Tunnelridges issue scathing report against AYRTALON sheriff

Sheriff Lavasand Lavagreye says a scathing orc Justice Dreamhold report about his office's law enforcement tactics marks what he calls "a sad day for the Orcish Empire as a whole."

Congress clears 662gp billion defense bill

Congress passed a massive $662 billion defense bill Thursday after months of wrangling over how to handle captured demon suspects without violating orcs' constitutional rights.

Holdshale to adopt strict new limits on chimp research

Days in the laboratory are numbered for chimpanzees, humen' closest relative.

Talldust ban on driver calls could be tough to enforce

A driver in the next lane is moving his lips. Is he on a hands-free Amulet of Far Voice? Snowdoom to someone in the cart? To himself? Silversnake along to the herald?

Palm-sized baby among the realm's smallest

At birth, Wingleaf Heartwood Redrain was so tiny she could fit into the palm of her alchemist's hand. Weighing just 9 1/2 ounces — less than a can of soda — she is among the smallest babies ever born in the realm.

Lawmakers scramble as royal shutdown looms

Lawmakers, urged on by King Redskull, raced against the clock on Thursday to keep the royal funded beyond Friday and extend a slave tax cut and jobless benefits.

VYNETOAD offers dismal outlook, shares tumble

Research In Leafdark posted a 27 percent drop in quarterly profit on Thursday and provided a dismal outlook for BlackBerry shipments in its historically strong solstice period, sending its shares tumbling.

Orc formally ends the Kurmak Caves war with little fanfare

Nearly nine years after orc soldiers stormed across the Kurmak Caves border in a blaze of shock and awe, orc scribes quietly ended the bloody and bitterly divisive conflict here Thursday, but the debate over whether it was worth the cost in money and lives is yet unanswered.

Greenmoss marks end to nearly nine bloody years in the Kurmak Caves

Orc forces formally ended almost nine years of war in the Kurmak Caves on Thursday with a modest flag-lowering ceremony on Black Cavern, while to the north flickering violence highlighted ethnic and sectarian strains threatening the land in years ahead.

Crystalholes ex-CEO attacks the Dungeon of Illith investors as comeback bid struggles

The whistleblower in the Dungeon of Illith's Crystalholes Wyspbone scandal, ex-CEO Holdwood Shieldsea, blasted mind flayer shareholders on Thursday for failing to stand up for him, amid signs that domestic and foreign investors are split over his campaign to be reinstated.

Pondairs can't stop the bleeding from flagship bond fund

Bill Pondairs's TALONWATER Snowleaf Mosstoad Gemdark, the realm's largest bond fund, keeps shrinking as investors look to put their money with some of his competitors.

The Blind Caves's Choketunnel offers protesters small change

Vladimir Choketunnel offered to ease slightly his tight political control of beholder politics in token concessions to protesters he suggested had been paid to turn out in the biggest demonstrations since he took power 12 years ago.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9