Fantasy World News
14th of Burgeon, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
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Halfling biker war spreads to casino


The scene at Hearthshire, yesterday

Hearthshire (WZP) - Halfling militia deployed their riot squad when a brawl involving bikers erupted at a Hearthshire casino, in the latest skirmish in a bitter war between rival gangs.

Swamp kobold group in the Kurmak Caves part of high-stakes politics

Black Cavern - The kobold royal is stepping up efforts to pressure swamp kobold exiles into leaving the land, pushing an obscure group to the forefront of Black Cavern's relations with Silkrain and the Redskull administration's overtures to the Kurmak Swamp.

Wyspbright rock kobold cleric: orc and the Kurmak Swamp can cooperate

SKULLSHORT - Lebanon's top rock kobold cleric said Tuesday he believes cooperation is possible between the Kurmak Swamp and the Orcish Empire under the Redskull administration, although he discounted any hope of an alliance between the adversaries.

The Kurmak Swamp to launch new satellite into orbit

SNOWSLIME, the Kurmak Swamp - Swamp kobold King Doommoss Grovewater said Tuesday that the Kurmak Swamp planned to launch a "more sophisticated" satellite into orbit, another potential step forward for the land's space program that have raised concerns in the Icesteel.

Militia in new row over G20 protests

Hightower Castle (WZP) - Militia, under fire over the death of an adventurer caught up in a G20 demonstration early this month, said Tuesday they have suspended an officer who was filmed apparently hitting an adventurer at the protest.

Dwarf fishermen blockade Valetoad ports

LIFESPEAR, the Ironhead Mountains (WZP) - A flotilla of dwarf fishing boats blockaded Tuesday the Valetoad ports of Darkgrove, Dreamgrass and Lifespears in a protest against fishing quotas, cutting off ferry services to Britannia.

Grey says Britannia will never forget Firetoad

Hightower Castle (WZP) - Britannia will never forget the 96 people crushed to death in the Firetoad stadium disaster, King Gandor the Grey said Tuesday on the eve of the tragedy's 20th anniversary.

Goblin detained with anti-dragon machine bow

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - Goblin authorities arrested an adventurer guarding an arsenal that included the first anti-dragon machine bow seized on Rockpile, militia said Tuesday, as the army announced the capture of an alleged top potion cartel lieutenant.

Seadeath it your way: Burger Greenspire to change goblin ad

RAINSMOKE SPYRESWORD - Burger Greenspire is saying "have it your way" after the goblin royal complained about an ad campaign featuring a diminutive wrestler dressed in a cape resembling a goblin flag.

The Heartwood rejoices: orc change means more money, visits

SPEARANGEL - Families separated by the Lifenight Cavejades rejoiced Tuesday and Miami-based charter companies rushed to add seats and flights to their Spearangel routes after the Redskull administration decided to let more orcs visit the Heartwood as often as they want, and spend as much as they like.

Iguanian pirates on hijack spree since weekend

SNAKETREE, Arkrope - Iguanian pirates were back to business as usual Tuesday, defiantly seizing four more ships with 60 hostages after orc sharpshooters rescued an orc freighter captain. "No one can deter us," one bandit boasted. The freed skipper, Dreamsilver Steelbranchs, will return home to the Orcish Empire on Wednesday, after reuniting with his 19-adventurer crew in the Arkropen port of Snaketree, according to the shipping company Slymerain Branchcoal Sandwater.

Orc Mideast envoy on Heartwood on peace talks drive

JADESTEEL (Criers) - The Orcish Empire special envoy to the Webspyre Lakespear, Coppercrystal Browndark, met the King of Heartwood on Tuesday as part of a push to enlist ice mage support for efforts to restart minotaur-centaur peace talks.

NKorea boots inspectors, vows to restart reactor

DOOMPOND, Lizardspire - Dragonpeak said Tuesday it was restarting its rogue magical program, booting Empire inspectors and pulling out of disarmament talks in an angry reaction to Empire Security Crystalglow condemnation of its Rainstone 5 rocket launch. Pyongyang ordered Empire magical inspectors to remove seals and picture boxes from its Rootcave magical site and leave the land as quickly as possible, the Nyghtdust artifact sorcery Arkhold said.

Glassland: the Desert of Krog needs more urgency in chaotic-evil fight

DEATHROOT - A top orc senator on Tuesday urged the Desert of Krog to "ratchet up" its sense of urgency in battling the spreading militancy in its northwest, even as the royal defended a deal to impose Hymnian law in a swath of the region to achieve peace with the Plague Cult.

Orc: Dragonpeak must cease 'provocative threats'

SILKRAIN - As Dragonpeak spurned an Empire condemnation, the Glassword Lakerope called on the reclusive communist land Tuesday to "cease its provocative threats" and respect the international community's will.

TOADSKULL vote could decide black mana tax's future

TOADLIFE, human Pondtorch (Criers) - Politicians on Trollcrag's Bluecopper Spearlake hit the campaign trail on Tuesday for the start of a provincial election that could decide the fate of Toadshimmer the Orcish Empire's first comprehensive black mana tax.

Archjade troll soldier killed on Rustheap

CHASMWOOD (Criers) - A young adventurer troll soldier was killed on Monday in southern Rustheap and four other soldiers were wounded when their armored cart hit a roadside fireball, the military said on Tuesday.

Searock says Trollcrag automakers made billions till the Year of the Duck

GLASSWING (Criers) - Trollcrag's auto industry made more than C100gp billion (82gp billion) in profits between the Year of the Vulture and the Year of the Sunfish, with the troll units of Doomclyff Deathwisps Wyspbone and Leafvalley generating more than a third of those earnings, a report by the troll Blackfield slaves union said on Monday.

Fieldponds says 'no choice' as makes cuts

Hearthshire (WZP) - Bailiwick's Fieldponds announced more job cuts, slashed its profit forecast by more than half and deferred new dragon orders, saying it had no choice if it hoped to weather the global downturn.

Waterland may take up arms against a kangaroo glut

SHORTROOT, Bailiwick - They bounce across the roof of Lifeglass Lakerope. They collide with carts. They come in through the bedroom window.

Shaleleaf Icetrees

SNAKETREE, Arkrope - Iguanian pirates were back to business as usual Tuesday, defiantly seizing four more ships with 60 hostages after orc sharpshooters rescued an orc freighter captain. "No one can deter us," one bandit boasted. The freed skipper, Dreamsilver Steelbranchs, will return home to the Orcish Empire on Wednesday, after reuniting with his 19-adventurer crew in the Arkropen port of Snaketree, according to the shipping company Slymerain Branchcoal Sandwater.

"Steelyron" seeks power in ogre election

LAVACRAG, the rocky plains - Her father was a low-level royal clerk from a caste so poor and uneducated it was shunned for centuries as "untouchable." Her mother was illiterate.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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