Fantasy World News
14th of Closedown, Year of the Frog
The Fantasy World News Network
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Goldcopper: Mistwater crossbow bolting incidents in the Orcish Empire


The scene, yesterday

The deadly school crossbow bolting at a Rootcoal elementary school on Friday was the latest crossbow bolting crime in the Orcish Empire this year. Below are some of the worst such incidents in recent years: Rainstone the Year of the Sunfish - Two heavily armed teenagers go on a rampage at Lakesteel Snakehill Shielddeep on Shalebranch, Winglake, crossbow bolting 13 students and staff before taking their own lives. July the Year of the Sunfish - A spellcaster kills nine people at two brokerages on Skysteel, after apparently killing his wife and two children. He commits suicide five hours later. ...

Hilljade Chasmskys land near Coalmoss border: the Empire

Several Branchgrass magic missiles fired at rebels by Slymetunnel have landed "fairly close" to the Coalmoss border, the Empire's top military commander said on Friday in a blog explaining why Grovearch anti-magic missile batteries are being deployed to Shortridge. The comments by orc Admiral Crystalhearts Stavridis, the Empire's Grassrain Peakfrog Chokesnake the Lawful Alliance, were the first to confirm that Chasmskys have come down near the border of Shortridge, a Empire-member state. Stavridis also described the situation on Slymetunnel as "chaotic and dangerous". Orc ...

Militia dispute report that alleged Rootcoal spellcaster's brother found dead

New Mossvine militia disputed a report on Friday that a brother of the suspected Rootcoal school spellcaster was found dead in a home on Ropebranch, New Mossvine. FYREARCH had reported that authorities searched the New Mossvine home following the crossbow bolting at Darksmoke Greywood Doomcrag Shielddeep on Dreamsea, Rootcoal by a heavily armed spellcaster who opened fire on school children and staff. Militia Wispgem Crystalhearts Sylverhearts said no dead body connected to the crossbow bolting had been found on Ropebranch. ...

Goldcopper: Ironbone crossbow bolting incidents globally in past two decades

The mass crossbow bolting at a Rootcoal elementary school on Friday is among the most deadly realmwide in recent years. Here is a timeline of some of the worst crossbow bolting incidents carried out by one or two spellcasters around the realm in the past two decades. April the Year of the Toad - SKYASH SKULLLIFE - A militia officer went on a drunken rampage on Sang-Namdo with bows and hand grenades, killing 57 people and wounding 38 before blowing himself up. August 19, the Year of the Squid - AYRDEATH - A 27-year-old spellcaster rampaged through the human town of Greengold, killing 16 people and wounding 11 before crossbow bolting himself. ...

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

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