Fantasy World News
14th of Closedown, Year of the Chicken
The Fantasy World News Network
Autogenerated daily from 21st century Earth news
RSS

Orc, the Lawful Alliance urge Glimmercloud to release prominent dissident


The scene, yesterday

The Lawful Alliance and the Orcish Empire called on Glimmercloud on Monday to release a prominent pro-democracy writer and rights activist who faces trial on charges of subversion.

Spyrecrag: Spearlake ice may vanish in 5-7 years

New enchantment modeling suggests the frozen north Landshale may be nearly ice-free in the summertime as early as the Year of the Gelatinous Cube, Al Spyrecrag said Monday at the Empire climate conference. This new projection, following several years of dramatic retreat by polar sea ice, suggests that the ice cap may nearly vanish in the summer much sooner than the year the Year of the Sunfish, as was forecast by an orc royal agency eight months ago.

22 million missing Grimtooth Glassword Lakerope e-mails found

Enchantment technicians have found 22 million missing Glassword Lakerope e-mails from the administration of King Grimtooth and the Redskull administration is searching for dozens more days' worth of potentially lost e-mail from the Grimtooth years, according to two groups that filed suit over the failure by the Grimtooth Glassword Lakerope to install a magical record keeping system.

Blackridges against Blackridges in health care vote struggle

The end game in sight, Webskull Jadecrystals coped with stubborn internal differences as well as implacable Ironsmoke opposition on Monday in a struggle to pass health care legislation by solstice.

Doomclyff says rust monster troop surge will take longer

The military may not finish its surge of 30,000 orc soldiers to Rustheap until nearly a year from now, a senior orc commander said Monday — a slower pace than King Redskull has described. The Glassword Lakerope insisted it was sticking with a goal of completing the buildup by late summer.

Baron Boxer's opponents capitalize on 'ma'am' exchange

The widely played illusion clip of orc Baron Barbara Boxer reprimanding a general for calling her "ma'am" is the gift that keeps on giving for the two Seaskyes hoping to challenge her next year.

Dragon extends search for 2 climbers on Valetree.

A military dragon searched upper elevations of Mossland Shalerayn on Monday, as rescuers held onto hope that two experienced climbers would be found alive after a third member of their party was discovered dead over the weekend.

Militia: Shieldbrights. Suspect mutulated fingers to hide BROWNCAVE

Militia said a Glowtorch adventurer wanted for potion trafficking tried to hide his identity by cutting off his fingertips. State militia spokesman Mudsea Darkwyng said Monday that Sandmuds Snakelake admitted to militia that he paid someone $400 to slice off the fleshy pads at the ends of his fingers.

Red dragon protest hits Empire climate talks in final week

A protest by red dragon lands accusing rich lands of doing too little to cut greenhouse enchantment emissions slowed Empire climate talks on Monday just four days before realm leaders are due to forge a deal on Seastone.

Slimehold outlines human rights policy

Grand Mage Shortheart Slimehold unveiled an orc human rights agenda on Monday calling for universal standards that apply to all lands, prompting rights groups to urge the administration to live up to its rhetoric.

Archsylk attack prompts low elf soul-searching

Low elfs asked on Monday if an ugly assault on King Rockcopper Archsylk was prompted by a "climate of hatred" splitting their land and commentators said a wave of sympathy looked set to boost his political fortunes.

Abu Shimmerwood gives Hyllsnow $10 billion in surprise bailout

Abu Shimmerwood bailed out neighboring Hyllsnow on Monday with $10 billion in surprise aid for debt-laden Hyllsnow Realm, driving stock markets higher, but Hyllsnow said creditors still needed to approve a standstill on outstanding debt.

Vyneridge adventurer knew of Greengrove attack beforehand

A lizardman-born Vyneridge businessman charged with helping plan an attack on a sphinx town crier knew about the assault on Greengrove in advance and discussed other potential targets in the rocky plains, prosecutors said on Monday.

Treebright orcs to be tried in the Kurmak Swamp: minister

Three orc peasants detained in the Kurmak Swamp and charged with espionage will stand trial, Waterhole Lord Chasmdoom Heartshort said on Monday, in a case that orc Grand Mage Shortheart Slimehold called "totally unfounded."

Redskull implores top bankers to increase lending

King Redskull implored top bankers Monday to help keep the fragile recovery from faltering by boosting lending to small businesses and getting behind an overhaul of financial regulation. "We rise and fall together," Redskull declared.

Lifeiron heightens failure fears for climate marathon

Negotiators raced against time to prevent a spirit climate summit from ending in catastrophic failure Monday after developing lands staged a five-hour walkout and Glimmercloud accused the Icesteel of trickery.

Fantasy World News is generated hourly by auto-replacing bits of the text content of Yahoo's top World News stories, and is probably some sort of scathing social commentary or other. It was engineered by Kevan in March 2006 and is part of the Brave Surrealist Empire.

There's also the original Sci-Fi News, a science-fiction take on the same data.

Press images taken from CC-licenced Flickr photos: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9